


This isn't the place for good men

by captainhurricane



Series: This isn't the place for saints [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Barebacking, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Angst, Kazuhira Miller is a Sad Bitter Bisexual, M/M, Multi, Office Blow Jobs, Pet Names, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Slow Burn, Spanking, good ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:53:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 82,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhurricane/pseuds/captainhurricane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never easy being the new kid. Especially not when you're 19 and crushing hard on your PE teacher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. youth is useless

**Author's Note:**

> no usa high school here (you really graduate at 17, really??), just.. uh.. generic european high school. at least in finland we graduate around 19.

It’s never easy to be the new kid in school, especially not when your dreams are far higher and when your twin brother has grown up even more restless. David might be two weeks away from his 19th birthday and a star athlete but stars don’t mean anything when he’s barely scraping by and has to share a roof with his brother. Eli had always been a nightmare kid and he had gotten even worse when growing up- David never doubts Eli’s love for him or their family but it’s never enough to stop Eli’s shenanigans. 

“You know, it would make me feel better if you just stopped being an ass,” David remarks when they make their way through the halls of their new school. Who transfers in the last year of high school? David had had friends in the States. A beginning of a career- as an athlete, not as a soldier no matter how much his father wants him to be one. Europe has so far been nothing but cold like the deepest level of hell. 

“Fuck you,” Eli says and drags his fingers through thick blond hair in that exaggerated gesture he had probably learned from one of his friends. They had made the big move from their home country just a mere week ago but Eli had already managed to befriend a group of misfits. They had even come up with a name and often wore matching trench coats. 

David had teased him about it and had barely dodged a fist. It’s not that he doesn’t like Eli’s friends but who even wears a gasmask like it’s a normal accessory? The girl’s green hair was pretty damn cool though. 

“I’m just saying,” David continues as they finally find the door to their classroom, their ears picking up on the buzz of students' voices and the pleasant sound of their teacher's voice. Eli knocks, making a face at David.  
"Behave," David says.  
"Fuck you," Eli says again. Both blink at the woman who opens the door, her long dark hair in a loose ponytail, her dark eyes piercing. Eli obviously can't miss how much the teacher's blazer accentuates her curves.  
"Oh, you must be- do come in and introduce yourselves," she says, letting the twins in. 

Eli and David share a look but follow, already ready for the stares of their new classmates. Some murmur among themselves, a couple wave curiously and answer David's careful smile. Eli sneers.  
"I'm Stef," the teacher introduces herself, then sits down. David nudges Eli's side and addresses the class, introducing himself and his brother.  
"Nice to meet you," Stef says. Her smile appears but it's a small one, like her lips hadn't quite ever gotten used to the gesture. Melancholia seems to cling to her, like something had happened to her and her mind had remained on it. Stuck. David almost asks if she is okay. 

Eli stuffs his hands into his pockets and digs out his phone, probably tapping a message to one of his new friends. David elbows him.  
"Where can we sit?" David asks, reluctantly becoming a spokesperson for the two of them. He's done it before. Stef straightens, looks around the room.  
"There are two seats in the back, just put your stuff in there. Don't worry, you didn't miss much. It's a new year for all of us," she says and turns on her chair once more. "Speak with me after class, boys, alright?" The twins nod and make their way to their seats. 

This school might not be so bad if all teachers were as nice. 

But as it always goes, such is not the case. 

The Chemistry teacher is pretty alright, even if he keeps stuttering somewhat and wincing nervously when glancing at the twins. He lets them off easily. David sends a message to his father and only gets a ':D :D :D :D' as a reply. Eli snickers when David shows it to him.  
"Maybe they fucked," Eli says and pops his chewing gum, doodling dirty things on the margins of his notebook. David had insisted they both buy a stack for school.  
"Ew," David huffs and elbows Eli again, only getting himself poked with a pen in retaliation. The Chem teacher tries his hardest to ignore their existence. Physics go pretty much the same way, except instead of fear, their teacher reacts with an amused huff. She never takes off her gloves but gives the boys a wink over her sunglasses.  
"Does everyone here know our father?"  
"I wouldn't be surprised," Eli answers and hides his face in his arms, promptly falling asleep. He gets a cruel wakening when their teacher slams her hand hard on his desk. David doesn't really feel sorry. 

All in all, a good day. Except. 

"I feel sorry for you," one of their classmates say after examining their timetables. David sips more coffee from the school cafeteria and raises his eyebrows.  
"How so?" He kicks his brother in the knee as his phone call with his green-haired girlfriend had gotten out of hand. Eli kicks him back. Their classmate gives the timetable back with a pitying expression.

"There are two PE teachers for dudes in our school and you just had to get him. Don't do anything on your own. Honestly, you know what everyone calls him?" David frowns at the name. K. Miller. Both twins lean closer, even Eli despite still being on the phone. The classmate narrows his eyes like telling a secret.  
"Hell Master." 

Eli bursts out laughing. David blinks.  
"Why's he called that?" It's a natural question, obviously. PE is one of David's strongest points so he isn't worried but superiors who can't behave get on his nerves. The classmate looks around like making sure nobody's listening.  
"They say he used to be in the army. In the USA! He has a prosthetic hand and leg but he hates it if anyone asks him about it. Don't ask him about his glasses either. Just.. don't ask anything. The dude's absolutely brutal." 

"I like brutal," Eli says and hangs up on his girlfriend, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He's swaying on his chair. Always so brash.  
"Our father was military so we're kinda.. used to dealing with people like that," David says carefully. The classmate nods.  
"Hey, your father's famous. I know. But Hell Master Miller is something else. It's not that he's a bully because he doesn't go too far I think but he's still way more ruthless than PE teachers should be. Oh, and there's a rumour- has been a rumour since forever that he's gay. Or bisexual. And likes them younger than him," the classmate continues conspiratorially. 

Eli sneers.  
"Gross." David elbows him again.  
"Shut the fuck up, Eli."  
"Just because you like them older than you-" Eli doesn't get to finish when David kicks him hard in the ankle. What follows is a squabble that three of their classmates have to come to end. 

The question of Hell Master Miller is left hanging in the air, David's mind forming an image of a middle-aged man with shaved hair and scarred hands, wielding a horse whip. He has to quiet his snickers on his pillow as not to wake up his snoring brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rating will go up, more tags will appear yadda yadda. don't say i didn't warn you. sorry i was super-tired when i wrote this there might be some mistakes. ;_; 
> 
> oh and Stef = Quiet. Had to give the poor girl a real name.


	2. remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaz is a fuckboy for the ages and angsts some. Cécile makes an appearance.

”You're tired? Well, if you wanna be on the team then you have to be stronger than that. Again!”  
”But, teach-”   
”Did I fucking stutter? Again!” 

With a grumble, the 19-year-olds start again with their sparring sessions. Master Miller doesn't enjoy much love from his students- these students in his self-defence classes or the students at his school- but he's effective and demands respect. And intrigue. It's not often you see anyone sporting such sleek, silvery prosthetics that seem to be able to move exactly the way he wants them to. Except on days when Miller merely comes for class with his cane and barks orders from the sidelines. Ever since he moved to this city a couple of years ago, he had been a source of intrigue. Where does this man come from? Why does he wear his glasses all the time? Where did he lose his arm and leg? After the first few weeks, nobody asks aloud anymore after feeling the after-effects of a particular volatile PE-class.

If Kaz is honest with himself- he never is- he rather likes having a reputation. Not that the reputation earns him any friends aside from his ex-wife and former army buddies. Even they know not to speak about certain things around him.   
It's hard not to speak about Kaz's elusive former best friend though when said man's kids have moved into town. 

”And I should care because?” Kaz observes the sweaty, red faces of his students and is suitably pleased when they manage to exhaust themselves to the point of not getting up from the floor. Cécile humphs, crossing her slender arms. She may not like being the receptionist for a martial arts gym but jobs are hard to come by and since her friend of fifteen years, the grumpy mister Miller had begun teaching in the same place, she had had no objections. 

”Aren't you friends still with their mom? No matter how much you groan about John-”  
”Don't say that name,” Kaz grunts and claps his hands, ordering the students to start stretching. Cécile's sweet, accented voice is full of frustration. They had known each other for over fifteen years and always Kaz had enjoyed bringing that pout to his French friend's face. She had even been his girlfriend before he had married and divorced and realized love is nothing but a children's story. It had been good though but it's clear by now Cécile doesn't think so. Especially after moving in with her girlfriend. 

”You are silly, Kazuhira,” Cecilé says and punches him in the arm. Kaz watches as his students try to bite back groans as they stretch their aching limbs and feels nothing.   
”Why you should care is that you are going to be seeing them around, you dumbo. There's a good chance they're on your class anyway,” she continues, like his silence had been an answer of any kind.   
”They're still just kids. His kids,” Kaz says. ”I don't give a shit. Just because me and Eva happen to be in good terms doesn't mean I should be all buddy-buddy with her goddamn kids. From what I've heard, they're little devils anyway and you know how much I despise teenagers.” 

He shouts his usual congratulations for a lesson well-spent and wishes his students well before sending them off. He watches them leave, lets his gaze linger on their sweaty clothes and bites hard on the inside of his cheek. No. Just because it had been a long time. Just because Nadine had gone on her USA trip and didn't exist for him in that manner anymore. Just because it had been a long time since the one who burned a hole through everything Kaz used to be. He had never been a good man but he had been better. Much better.

Cécile waits patiently until Kaz's attention is back on her.  
”They're nineteen, not exactly teenagers anymore,” she says. She may be shorter than him but damn if she didn't have the ability to make him feel like the shorter one.   
”Still,” Kaz says and yanks off his glasses, rubbing his aching eyes. He really needs a new pair soon. Compassion passes by Cécile's face but she says nothing about his eyes, knowing exactly how hard his eye-condition is to accept for him, even after such a long time.  
”Just... be nice. You don't have to be 'buddy buddy' with them like you weird Americans say but don't be Hell Master.”  
”I rather like that nickname,” Kaz huffs and turns to start gathering his own things, taking a huge sip from his water bottle.   
”You are such a silly man, Kazuhira,” Cécile says, her mouth in a disapproving pout. ”And you hate that nickname. Even when you are ruthless to kids twenty years your senior,” she continues.   
”Maybe they deserve it,” ´

Kaz throws his bag on his shoulder and faces her properly, not amused any longer. He is fond of her, that is the truth but all of his friends seem to think that agitating and provoking him is the best way to go.  
”Silly, silly man,” Cécile says again, clicks her tongue. ”Come with us this weekend for drinks. Nadine might show up.” She uses her most uneffected voice but she's never been very good at subtlety- Kaz still hears the slight hope in her voice.   
”Get over it, Céci. Nadine wants nothing to do with me and I want nothing to do with her. Except for Catherine obviously.” His voice cracks just a bit at the mention of his tiny daughter but neither comments on it. He couldn't have been a father for the little girl and Nadine had gotten full custody but had still been kind enough to let him see her once in a while. 

”I'm merely joking, grumpy,” Cécile says and leans to kiss his cheek. Her perfume lingers, something faint and forest-like, like the woods Cécile loves to roam in. Kaz huffs, lips twitching.  
”Fine. I'll come.” Cécile smiles, winks at him and is the first one out of the door. Even if she is one more thing Kaz fucked up in his life, at least he had stayed in relatively good terms. Not that the women in his life are the type to easily forgive, they're just the more stubborn ones, the ones who always let him know when he's wrong. 

The men on the other hand. Well. It's not something Kaz wants to talk about. Not about him. Or the string of ex-lovers, the time when he had let himself be the type of moron who fucks his students and had partly been the reason he had moved out of the States. He wouldn't be that guy again. He'd rather die alone surrounded by his beloved dogs, with a drink in his hand than come that close to ruining his life again. 

The worst part was that the kid had been eighteen and should have known better too but had even claimed to love him. What do eighteen-year-olds even know of the real world, having barely graduated from high school. Kaz grimaces as he makes his way through the dressing room, through shower and then to his car. He shouldn't think about the men in his life. Or the people in his life at all. Having too close relationships always spelt trouble. Better just stick to what he knows: barking orders, making youngsters cry and practicing agility with his dogs. And drinking. God, he needs a drink. 

That thought stays with him all the way to the next day. Tomorrow begins as Fridays always do: expectant, hurried. The sky is grey and promising rain so most of the staff and students stay inside, except those eager for their smokes and sneaking off to buy snacks from the nearby grocery store. Kaz doesn't sneak off for a smoke or snacks, instead tries to ignore the itch for a drink and his aching eyes behind his glasses. Why did he ever agree to this job anyway, he could have just stayed with his martial arts and close quarters combat and been happy that way. Yet he had been encouraged, even scolded if he didn't try to go forward in his life. Nobody says it but they all hope a steadily paying job would keep his alcoholism on the right track and maybe someday in the future offer him a steady relationship too that doesn't break apart because of him. 

As if. 

Anyhow, Kaz isn't looking forward to the lesson much. He had prepared for some basic muscle exercises, knowing how disinterested a bunch of almost-adults generally are in exercise. He had tried not to think about Eva's twins (his twins) that he had by chance seen a glimpse of earlier that day. They hadn't seen him but they had themselves been easily spotted: what's with the blond twin's ridiculous gang-jacket and the other one's serious demeanour. It had been quite startling to see how much they looked like their famous father. 

Kaz hoped they weren't on his class, would find their looks a sure distraction. He didn't need to be reminded of past heartaches, after all. He stretches his arm and tightens his ponytail, arms crossed as he waits for the students to arrive. 

They come, chattering and so blindingly young that Kaz is glad for his glasses. They come, the twins, the blond one grumpily leaving his jacket behind and the other one patting him on the back. Kaz's jaw tightens.   
”Good afternoon,” he says as the kids form a steady line in front of him. Good afternoons are murmured back at him, uneathusiastically. The twins give a half-hearted wave.   
”Mister Miller, is it?” The dark-haired one says. His sleeveless shirt reveals a rather impressive pair of pale arms. Kaz snorts.

”Just Kaz, kiddo. And I think everybody here knows who you two are,” he says, trying not to let his gaze linger on the twins. It's such a startling feeling to see those same sharp features repeated twice.  
”'m David,” says David, unbothered by the response. Something about him gives a sense of restlessness, a dangerous sort of melancholia lingering on him that draws Kaz to him instantly. ”My twin's Eli. And frankly, it's embarrassing to be famous because we're related to someone famous so uh. Don't mention our dad,” David continues, rubbing his neck and throwing a rather awkward look at his classmates. Most of them snicker and elbow each other, but a few nod, obviously already acquiantated with the boys. 

”Especially because he's an asshole of major proportions,” Eli speaks, his sneer rather impressive. Kaz's lips twitch.   
”Language,” he says and rolls his eyes at the face Eli makes. Of course he knows Eli and David. David and Eli. Had heard enough stories about them from Eva, despite his insistence that he doesn't want to know. Eva had never listened to him- or anyone else in general- and had instead went on and on. So Kaz already knows an uncomfortable amount of facts about the twins that he certainly wants to keep to himself. Especially now that they're his students. 

If only his army buddies heard him contemplating his morals, they would laugh him out of the continent. The Kazuhira Miller they knew was more laidback, had let the Costa Rican sun burn impressive tanlines and had set his sights on anyone with a pulse. What a dumbass he had been. What a dumbass he still is. Now Kaz knows what years of living a life like his does, knows exactly how deep the lines on his face have started to get. How long until his vision worsens and he has to stop doing what he does; not long enough. 

Kaz watches the way David shifts uncomfortably, the way Eli whispers something to him that makes David frown. 

”Let's start with some basic stretches,” Kaz says and huffs at how the twins snap back into attention. Their father had never been like that. Attentive. Obedient. Kaz's jaw tightens. 

He really wants that drink.


	3. staring is rude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lesson is had and another is on the way.

During the years of living with their father, both twins had seen all kinds of men and women. All of them had had that certain hard look that soldiers get after a certain time, their laughter becoming a little sharper, their strength clear from the way they held themselves. David had sparred with them in his early teens and Eli had agitated them, provoked them on purpose and gotten his ass kicked. David had respected the authority of his elders, Eli had never respected anyone much less people he always thought were fools to go fight someone else's wars. 

Suffice to say, their well-respected, much feared father hadn't approved but the great Big Boss had always been a hard one to impress and a easy one to disappoint. The twins' decision to finish high school in their mother's country had been a hard one for their father to accept but he had accepted it, sent them both off with best wishes for their well-being. 

It had taken quite a while to shake off the cigar-smoke from their clothes after the bear hugs they had shared on the airport. Their father had been and still is the ultimate soldier, the one that comes to mind immediately when someone mentions the military. 

Their new PE teacher certainly has the same aura as their father and his brothers and sisters in arms but instead of self-confidence there's anger, all bundled up and dark in the lines of those sharp facial features.

”We are not on first-name basis,” the teacher says. ”So don't call me by it. I know you kids love the pretend to be friends with your teachers but I am not your friend. I'm here to look after your lazy asses. So just call me Miller.”   
”Rude,” Eli mutters. ”What about Hell Master?” He says out loud then, unwavering when the eyes hidden by glasses turn to him. The classmates hush, gasp, punch him in the arm. Eli grins, happy for the attention. Miller taps his foot on the floor. 

”Eli, shut the fuck up,” David tries but when his twin gets something in his head, there's no stopping him.  
”I'd prefer not to hear that nickname. Eli, was it?” Miller says, his voice rumbling low and dangerous. On someone else his ponytail would look ridiculous but now it only accentuates the smoothness of his jaw line. David keeps glancing at him, intrigued, curious. The glint of metal of the man's prosthetic fingers are a tell-tale sign enough of someone who hasn't had an easy life. Eli doesn't see things like that, Eli sees things vastly in black and white. He's labelled this man as the adversary already and David knows he's gonna have a hell of a time keeping mister Miller's mouth from tightening anymore. 

”Eli, shut the fuck up,” David repeats and clamps his hand on Eli's mouth, stammering for something to say when that hidden gaze targets him.   
”Don't give my stupid brother detention on our second day, okay? Please? I knew I should have gagged him before,” David tries for the joke and lets out a brief, awkward chuckle himself when mister Miller's mouth only twitches in response. Few classmates relax however and snicker among themselves. Eli struggles, his swears muffled. 

”I have heard a lot worse, kid,” Miller says and scoffs. ”Make sure your brother washes his mouth. I don't particularly care myself about you kids swearing but there're certain lines that I'd prefer not to be crossed in my class. Is that clear?” The young adults shuffle, nod. Miller seems to think it enough and huffs. 

”Stretches then, before we start on everyone's favourite ball game. Chop chop!” More or less reluctantly the students split from their uneven line and follow Miller's example. The others are obviously used to the sight of Miller's prosthetic hand but the twins both blink when it's revealed from under Miller's hoodie. David's mouth gets a little dry. He didn't really expect their new teacher, the feared Hell Master to be so .. well, not young exactly- that much is clear from the lines of the man's face and the few grey strands in his blond hair- but so damn fit. The tight t-shirt shows it clearly enough. Eli lets out a whistle.   
”Quiet, Eli,” Miller says as he shows them another way to warm up. Eli shrugs but obeys dutifully. David doesn't stare. He doesn't. 

Hell Master proves to be as hellish as his reputation. By the time the students drag themselves out of the gym, they're sweaty through and through and there are sure to be more than a few bruises. Miller himself barely seems out of breath as he sends them off with a wish for a good weekend and schedules for what he has in store for them in the future. 

”You're pretty cool,” Eli says grudgingly. The corner of Miller's mouth curls up and he pats Eli on the shoulder.   
”Your attitude isn't the most awful I've seen,” Miller says. Only close enough it's easy to see the faint outlines of his eyes, watching and observing. 

David's hands are hot and clammy for many other reasons than just sweat from the exercize as he accepts his own schedule.   
”I heard.. you were military?” David says, stops. Perhaps it's not his business but he's curious. Dealing with teenagers on the edge of adulthood wouldn't be the first thing on his mind after retiring from the military. Miller watches him for a moment without a word, staying at an arm's length. He has tensed up visibly. 

”I'm sorry, it's not really my-”   
”I was,” Miller says. ”Long time ago. Go home, kiddo. See you next week.” Had soldier-Miller been different from teacher-Miller, David wonders, lingers just a moment longer. Perspiration has stuck Miller's sleeveless wifebeater to his skin, his prosthetic gleaming.

”It's just. I'm curious. That's all.” Miller's faint smile has vanished and he has taken a step back.   
”Don't be. Go home,” he says with more pressure, turning his gaze away. David doesn't stare. He just doesn't. So what if Miller has a good body? So what if David can't help but wonder if that prosthetic is cold to the touch?   
”Sorry,” David mumbles and leaves. Maybe it's him who needs to wash his mouth with soap. 

Eli is waiting for him in the dressing room, having already washed his face and changed his shirt.   
”Don't,” David says when Eli opens his mouth. Eli huffs and raises his hand in surrender.  
”I wasn't gonna say a thing,” he says. David glowers at him and doesn't find the finger-guns at all amusing. He washes his face too and changes shirts, taking a moment to take a deep breath and not think about how hard the future PE lessons are going to be when his teacher is straight out of his wet dreams. 

Those commands given during the class had gone straight to David, it had been easy to obey and bend a knee when prompted to do so. Even his most hated basketball had gone well when Miller had been watching, his whistle's shrill sound interrupting David's team's victory dance. You're quite the athlete, David, Miller had said while David's classmates slapped him a few times on the back with grins on their faces. I just like to move, David had said and had refrained from saying that staying still had always felt like he might die any moment if he stopped having a purpose, a reason to be. 

Exercise was as good as any. Miller doesn't need to know that, to think David is weak. David had seen the sneer Miller had tried to hide when one of his classmates hadn't been able to do more than ten push-ups or when one of them had nearly twisted their ankle when tripping over another's feet when they played basketball. Going from being surrounded by competitive, competent men and women to being surrounded by inexperienced, uninterested teenagers must have been quite a blow. 

David bickers with Eli all the way home and thinks about mister Miller and the eyes hidden behind dark glasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I would stare at Master Miller with a tight shirt on. Wouldn't you?


	4. denial isn't a river in Egypt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz drinks. Some unwanted tears and jerking off is involved. Eva is a proud mama. Kaz's dogs are adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the chances in POVs aren't too confusing. I find it easier myself to switch povs with every chapter to keep up with both characters at the same time. 
> 
> Just to clarify, I've tweaked pretty much everyone's ages. The twins are 19, Kaz and Eva are somewhere in their fourties, BB is somewhere in his late fifties to early sixties and Adam- if I manage to push him in somewhere- is somewhere in the middle.

Living an hour's drive away from the school hadn't exactly been something Kaz had planned before leaving the States. Yet the cabin had called for him, snuggled as it is between fields and massive, old oaks. It had been a miracle to find a place like this, suitably close to his work and still suitably far away from any neighbours so him and his five dogs can live their solitary lives in peace. Aside from his dogwalker, Kaz is more than happy to have a space for his own especially after spending most of his days with teenagers. Speaking of teenagers, he really needs to phone Eva, she'll probably be curious to know his opinion about her children. Not that Kaz is entirely clear on her really being their mother as the circumstances of their birth seem to be shrouded in mystery. 

It's classified, Eva had said more than once. Often accompanied by a saucy wink. It had then made hard for Kaz to be around her as he had been younger and more foolish and had thought he could have had a chance with a woman like her. Until that man came and took Kaz's futile chances out of the picture entirely. Eva and John had lasted surprisingly long, even giving birth to the twins but then again, Eva is a free spirit and John a notoriously difficult man to get along with- even a harder one to love. 

Kaz doesn't like to think about him but he is glad for the remaining relationship with Eva. More often than not she's shown her kindness to him, helped him deal with his own trauma better than most of his past therapists. Even when she can be obnoxiously curious. 

He greets his dogs and reads the note his dog walker had taped on his fridge-door.   
"You were a meanie to him, were you?" Kaz murmurs to one of the five who has jogged after him to his spacious kitchen and licked his hand. Roscoe is the youngest and his newest addition so he's still pretty much a puppy and not always clear on boundaries despite Kaz's ferocious training. With some difficulty Kaz kneels; grimacing at the way his prosthetic leg lets out a groan and takes the dog's head between his hands, giving him a ruffle. Roscoe blinks his bright blue eyes at him. He whines. 

"If you drive away yet another dog walker, I'm gonna be in trouble, you dumbass," Kaz murmurs but kisses the tip of Roscoe's wet nose and lets out a chuckle when Roscoe licks his face.   
"You're disgusting. Go to the yard and drive away that excess energy, okay?" Kaz gets up and opens his backdoor, letting out Roscoe who barks happily and frolicks away. After losing his service dog in a freak accident two years ago- part of the reason he moved countries- his five pups had helped him. Even if huskies are sometimes a little too much for him. Thank God for dog walkers, even if this newest one is a teenager who looked too frail to handle even one, much less five. Yet the boy had been intimidated by Kaz and wouldn't dare to fuck around with his belongings and most of all, was apparently somehow related to Cécile. Not that they looked anything alike. 

It takes some fumbling to find his phone and even more fumbling when the damned device beeps that it's running out of battery.  
"Goddamn smartphones," Kaz grunts and starts charging it. As soon as he's plugged the charger in, his phone buzzes, Eva's photo on the screen. Kaz huffs and answers with a curt 'hey'. Her voice comes muffled at first but then it's there, as soft, as gentle as ever.   
_"How is my favourite man?"_ Kaz scoffs.

"Hold on, I'll put you on speaker. I gotta start cooking dinner," he says and does so as he gets up to start gathering ingredients. He isn't hungry as he often isn't, food often the last thing on his mind so his movements are largely automatic. Some vegetables, leftovers from last night. Some chicken, straight to the pan. Eva's voice floats from the phone.  
"I'm fine, by the way," Kaz says. As he always does. It's a little like a ritual. She asks him how he is and he says than he is fine, even if he isn't.   
_"Clearly. Did you already meet my boys?"_   
Put oil on the pan. Take out the spatula. Wait. Stir. Wait. Stir. Kaz takes off his glasses, places them next to the sink. The world blurs but this is how he prefers it at his home, at his chosen solitude. 

"Yes. That Eli is a total brat. What have you been teaching him?" Eva laughs, the sound brief and beautiful. Where is she now, Kaz wonders. Is she happy?   
_"Many things, sweetheart. Enough things. At least my David has manners."_   
Kaz's hand stirs. He thinks about the dark-haired twin's bright, eager eyes that he had known were on him through the entire lesson. It's not like it's the first time his students had ogled him, some had even thought to seduce him into losing his job. But he won't fall. Not this time. No matter how eager, how young and slender David is. How terrifying and repulsive is the hope for a bright future in that young head. Kaz's hand shakes and it takes for Eva to call his name to get him to answer. 

"Y-yeah. Yeah. He seems like a nice kid." Kaz's throat is dry. He leaves the pan and takes out a beer can. It shizzles as it opens and he chugs half of it down in one go.   
_"Kaz. Kazuhira,"_ Eva murmurs. She had obviously heard. Kaz can't listen to the pity in her voice.   
"It was a long day," Kaz says and takes the phone, shuts down the speaker and puts it on his ear as he returns to his food. On some other day he'd be glad to be able to afford all he needs to eat but not today. Not this week. 

_"It's.. it's not that. Are you seeing anybody?"_ The change in subject is nothing new but it still startles Kaz. He sighs.  
"Eva," he says, swallows hard. Who would want me? Who would see me as I am? My heart's been broken enough. He says none of those things. "No," is all he says out loud.   
_"I'm sorry,"_ Eva says. A rustle of clothing is heard, someone else speaking in a low tone to Eva. She responds. Kaz's jaw tightens. 

"Yes, I'm still seeing that therapist though. Stop worrying about me," he says. It comes out sharper than necessary. He shifts, sways, his balance always off when his prosthetic leg gets fucked up as it sometimes does.   
_"You're an asshole,"_ Eva murmurs but her tone is gentle. Kaz has seen her angry, has seen her desperate but through it all he knows she's a better person than he could ever find himself being. 

"Never denied that." Kaz takes the pan off the stove. He really isn't hungry.   
_"But you are my friend and I love you. Be nice to my kids or you shall know my wrath,"_ Eva says. Her kids are pretty much lost to her, as they always are at that age but a mother never stops caring for her offspring. Kaz wonders what it would be like: to care about someone so much his own needs came second.   
_"Oh, and get laid. If I visit you one more time and see how grumpy you are, I will personally introduce you to the nearest willing participant."_

Now Kaz has to snort.   
"I'm shaking."  
 _"You'd better, you rascal. You might even fall in love."_ Kaz piles his food on his plate, heats up the vegetables. He pays no attention to it, mostly delving himself in Eva's voice.   
"As if," he says. He had only once fallen in love and it had broken him in more ways than his time in the military had done. It grates him a little that Eva would remind him of it.   
_"Oh, darling,"_ Eva says now and there is that compassion again. Sympathy for him. Kaz takes a deep breath.   
"I better go. My food's getting cold." A few howls are heard, nails tapping against the backdoor's glass. 

_"Of course. Have a nice evening, dear. Call me if my babies are being ridiculous,"_ she says. Compassionate. How had she and John ever worked is beyond Kaz's comprehension.   
"They're teenagers. Of course they're ridiculous," Kaz huffs. "Bye, Eva." With a click the phone is shut, dead in his hand. He wonders if Eva lingers by hers, wondering if she could say more, do more. Perhaps she already knows she can't. 

Kaz lets his dogs in and eats his solitary meal, knowing that five pairs of dog eyes are staring pleadingly at him from the doorway. Only after he's finished he plays with them. He watches TV. He tinkers with his prosthetic, happy with it when it stops being stiff. He pays bills. Sometimes the silence of his house drives him crazy, even when the dogs run around and yap at each other, howl and come share their dog-tales with him. Even then. Kaz drinks another beer. And another. He puts on some reality show. It entertains him for an hour. With a sigh, he retreats to the bathroom, drawing himself a bath. He had the tub made for himself so it's easier to get in and out without potential mishaps as his prosthetic generally don't take kindly to soapy water. 

If only he had more money to buy a properly waterproof prosthetics so he didn't have to go through the process of putting cellophane or anything else every single time he took a shower. Finally he gets to descend into the blissfully hot water and he sighs, leaning his head back, hair shaken out of his ponytail. He knows it would look better short, would probably be less troublesome short but keeping it long had been a little rebellious act against his past. A little refusal to be that Kazuhira Miller again. 

Kaz lets himself soak, his thoughts soar. They return to his students, to those people Kaz can never be himself anymore. It won't hurt them that he does this in the privacy of his own bathroom he tells himself as he slides his hand underwater, to his neglected dick. He keeps his eyes closed, his thoughts on the fantasies of spread legs and breathy moans as he starts to stroke himself. His hips shift, the water sloshes. If only he could kiss his way down a woman's body, linger between her breasts and surprise her with a kiss. If only he could have someone else's dick in hand, someone who would whisper and moan his name, push their hips against him. Kaz grunts as his strokes start to quicken and then slow back down again, his thumb brushing against the sensitive slit. It's been a painfully long time since anyone rode him; man or woman and he misses it. 

The weight of another's body on him, their skin bare and free for Kaz to touch, their heads thrown back in ecstasy. Kaz shivers as he spreads his legs more, shifts his body and reaches for his balls, tugging and pulling, brushing near his entrance.   
Even longer it had been when Kaz was the rider, the one fucked to oblivion and back. He imagines thick dark hair under his fingers, 'master, master' whispered against his dick as it was sucked down an eager, hot throat. Strong, steady hands on Kaz's hips, the sucking hard and fast. Kaz groans, his eyes stinging, body arching as the imaginary David climbs to his lap and takes him inside, offers that young, slender body to him.   
”Fuck, shit, ff-” Kaz's body shivers as he fucks his own hand, desperate to reach a climax, to drive away the fantasy of David with his reddened cheeks and quivering thighs. 

Water splashes over the edges of the tub but Kaz can't care. He doesn't care when he slumps back down, breathing hard and fast and not caring that his own semen is staining the bathwater.   
”I need to get laid,” he says to his lonely bathroom as he finally opens his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new dog walker for Kaz y/y


	5. united ghosts of david's past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old boyfriend comes calling. Eli's brotherly instincts exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i made Frank into such a creep ;_; i'd like to think he's like, around his early thirties or something. Dave and his older dudes lmao.

The sound of the saxophone cuts through the still air of the apartment. Rain pitter-patters hard on the large windows, wind whistles in the pipes and it's really too freezing but Eli, who's lounging on the second-hand sofa, still has nothing but his sweatpants on. David is in the shower, humming to himself, fingertips brushing slender muscles all the way to his thighs. He knows to be quiet. Knows how nosy his brother can be.

  
”David!” Eli yells. Of course David won't hear, the bathroom-door is shut tight, the shower running too hard.  
”It's your fucking phone!” David hears nothing but the rustle of water. Eli groans, annoyed at his evening activities (consisting of lounging around on the sofa, dialing his girlfriend, watching reality TV and munching on huge bowls of popcorn) being interrupted. He gets up and grabs David's phone from David's work-table, narrowing his eyes at both the caller's name and the noisy jazz the phone keeps blaring out.

  
”The fuck,” Eli grunts and presses the green button. ”Asshole's phone, Eli speaking,” he says. The name had only said Fox but he knows who it is. There had only been one person who David had called by that name. Eli had always found those nicknames gross- but that was before Wolf and her tendency to name her gang. Even if Eli insists it's as much his gang as hers.  
”Eli?” The voice from the other end buzzes, like speaking through a bad connection. Wherever the ethereal, complicated Frank Jaeger is, it's still not far enough from his brother. There had been numerous reasons to move away from the States and David's disastrous relationship with an older man had certainly been one of them. At least in Eli's head.

Besides, Frank had been into some weird shit.  
”I don't know why he keeps your number but my brother's over you,” Eli says. There's a pause, then Frank's voice comes through again. He sounds odd, like something was stuck in his throat. Eli remembers him; tall and imposing, his thin mouth often in a frown but his sharpness softening when near David. Whatever David had seen in such a illicit relationship, Eli doesn't know. Doesn't even want to know.  
”It's none-”  
”If you say it's none of my business, I will kick your pedophile ass over the fucking moon,” Eli says and hangs up.

”Who was it?” Eli frowns at the phone, then tosses it at his brother. David catches it, his own frown identical. There's a towel around his hips, another in his not-phone-holding hand.  
”Wrong number,” Eli shrugs and flops back down on the couch.  
”Don't fuck around with that PE teacher. I know your type,” he says and starts flipping through channels. He doesn't have to look to know that David has blinked, his jaw tightened.  
”Fuck you, Eli,” David says and comes closer to smack him in the head.  
”I'm not the one who gets a hard-on from-” another smack. ”Fine!” David tsk's and moves away.

He only looks at his phone records later after Eli has already gone to bed. There's two messages, one from mom, another from- David licks his dry lips, sneaks off to their tiny kitchen as not to wake his loudly snoring brother. He knows Frank won't be sleeping and if he were, he'd wake.  
”Fox?” David murmurs, happy when the other man answers in a sleepy voice.  
”Dave. It is good to hear your voice. I miss you.”

David bites his lip. They hadn't officially broken up- had never officially dated either but he had only kept Frank's number out of nostalgia. Fondness. It's not his fault Frank had been decent in bed and had kept their illegal relationship secret with no fuss. Two years with anyone was a long time.  
”I miss you too but you- uh. Shit. You can't contact me anymore.” It had been over a month since they had seen last. Three weeks since they had spoken last, Frank's voice purring compliments in his ears and David coming hard on his own hand. It's hard to keep his composure when Frank speaks again, says his name with such a loving way.  
”David. I was sad when you ran away from me,” Frank murmurs and David shifts on the uncomfortable kitchen chair. He reaches down to his thigh, grabs a fistful of fabric and squeezes. God, he's a fucking Pavlov dog, drooling at the sound of his master's voice.

  
”I'm sure,” David murmurs. Eli's asleep, what's the harm if he touches himself a little? Frank sounds sad but then again, he always does. There had been a pressure on Frank's mind that had driven out any chance of ever being genuinely happy. David had liked to think that he had been happy when they had had sex.  
”I love you, David. You said you loved me back. Was that a lie?” David squeezes his inner thigh, tries not to remember but he's young, his mind is clear. And he remembers what Frank was like. Courteous, eccentric. Had remembered to care for him afterwards, kissed a bruise and let himself be held. They had never shared their deepest secrets. Frank had known who his parents were. David had known that Frank had been a soldier but not where and when. Had barely known how old Frank was. Well. Old enough to end up in jail if their relationship came to light. It didn't ruin their lives but it was doomed from the start. At least David isn't underage anymore, too naive to understand that men like Frank need more than an eager, willing companion to heal.

  
”It wasn't, Fox,” David says and bites his lip. ”I'm sorry. I truly am. But what we had wasn't love. It was fucked up. Please don't contact me.”  
”David,” Frank whispers. From the dark, from the past. He doesn't beg or say anymore.  
”Goodbye,” David says and hangs up. His groin throbs, desperate for a touch. It's not his fault he can't be attracted to people his age- or people with dull, normal sex lives. Frank had been new and exciting but clearly had left some effect on David's head as his mind had been on their new teacher ever since that class.

Nothing wrong with watching and the teacher clearly didn't mind it- he wouldn't wear such tight-fitting shirts otherwise. David has no intention of trying to get closer. No matter how much his body thrums with need to be ordered around, to kneel, to know someone much older, much more experienced than him is taking good care of him.  
”Fuck me and fuck him and fuck this,” David says, his forehead slumping against the table. He listens for a moment for his brother's snores. He leaves his phone on the table and sneaks to the bathroom.

One day they'll afford an apartment with separate bedrooms. David stuffs his fist into his mouth and jerks off, thinks about the numerous times him and Fox had gone on their trips, sparred together, often ending up in a tangled mess of limbs and discarded clothing. Fox had told him the story of each of his scars- and there had been so, so many and shivered with desire when David had touched them. David squeezes his eyes closed and comes with a muffled groan against his fist, remembering how it feels like to come inside somebody's mouth.

Cold water on his face. Hands washed in the sink. A grimace at the mirror that shows a haggard-faced young man with a mess of dark hair. They always tell him and Eli how much they look like their father when he was young to which Eli would disagree and David would just shrug. He doesn't particularly care because the father he knows has fully gray hair by now and has only one eye. It's their mother they take after more, David thinks. The blond hair is definitely from her, even if David had started dying his since he turned sixteen. Just to be a little bit rebellious.

It had only served to getting him kissed on the forehead and his hair ruffled. He had still liked how he looked with brown hair more.

David withdraws from the bathroom and goes back to their sad single beds, sighing when it creaks under his weight. Eli has turned on his stomach and is blissfully quiet, his face smushed against his pillows. David watches him for a moment, unable to prevent himself from smiling. Eli had always been a brat but they had always looked after each other. Maybe David should tell him about Fox's phonecall. It would certainly make Eli happy- he had always said David's affection towards older men was creepy.

”Brat,” David murmurs and closes his eyes.

The weekend passes without an incident. David goes jogging. Eli goes on dates, hangs around with his gang until too late at night. Eva calls, cheerful from somewhere in India and says she's doing yoga. There's even a message from their lost father, who invited both of them for Christmas to the Caribbean Sea. Whatever he's doing there is no concern for the twins but they both respond positively to the message. Their father might be a lunatic but come on. The goddamn Caribbean.

On Sunday, David goes for the first time to the local gym, excited and curious. He chats for a moment with the receiptionist and decides to check out the equipment and the running track.  
”We also offer various martial arts classes,” the receiptionist chirps brightly, a picture perfect stereotype of an athletic person.  
”Oh?” Now David's curious. He knows his fair share of martial arts thanks to his eccentric parents but perhaps he could learn something new.

”Yes! Our two teachers, mister Miller and miss-” David blinks. ”Is everything okay, mister?”  
”Wait. Did you say Miller?” Could it be? David licks his lips, suddenly restless. Hell Master Miller. Mister Miller and his dark glasses and dark grin. The prosthetic hand gleaming in the faint sunlight.  
”Yes!” Receiptionist chirps once more, over her sudden concern when David doesn't seem to require help. ”Mister Benedict Miller has been a great part of our exercise center for the past two years and we are very proud to have him! He is a very demanding man though so if you're after something a little more casual-”  
”Uh, no. No. I'll think about it,” David grins, albeit a little shakily. Benedict? Didn't they say his name was Kazuhira? Was it even the same guy? David takes his papers and withdraws, nods his goodbyes to the girl behind the counter.

He's unable to shake his curiousity. It wouldn't hurt to check it out, would it?


	6. a stir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Kaz is socially incompetent.

Only some semblance of self-control had kept Kaz from drinking a beer for Sunday's breakfast. Alcohol had carried him over the worst years of his life but it had started to feel less and less important after moving to this country. Still he craves, his fingers brushing past the beer cans stuffed into his fridge and then curling into a fist. He hadn't gone to the AA-meetings in ages, having ran out of one at the beginning of his European life. Eva had let him hear it. And then Cécile had let him hear it. 

He knows he's a shitty person but alcohol had been the only steady thing in his life during his worst times. 

So he wastes his time hitting his punching bag and watching Hell's Kitchen reruns, cleaning and shooing his dogs off the couch, the only place in the apartment they weren't allowed on. Kaz goes outside with them to play catch and lets them back in when Dusty starts breathing too harshly and Roscoe gets too excited.

Only when the afternoon starts darkening, Kaz goes on a run, fills his head with music from his headphones; David Bowie murmuring about a man from space. Fills his nostrils with the crisp air of Autumn, ignoring the way his arms raise to goosebumps under his light jacket. He picks up the pace and tries to think nothing- the more he tries, the less it works and soon his running becomes jogging and jogging becomes walking. All the things he has to do today, every task feels taxing. Get an appointment for his eyes. Get an appointment for one of his dogs who's been sluggish lately. Get to today's martial arts-lesson. 

The lesson. Fuck. Fuck. 

Kaz picks up the pace again, breath coming in short gasps as he makes his way back home. He doesn't usually work on weekends- his days pretty evenly split between the gym and the school- but now he had taken his co-worker's shift for her and had almost forgotten. Thankfully they both teach pretty much the same things; muay thai and hapkido and the occasional aikido-lesson. Most of it is Lina's stuff since she's a perky young thing who doesn't also run to a goddamn high school to force uninterested teenagers to exercise. Well, Kaz chose his own path so he can't exactly whine too much about it. 

Kaz's feet punch the ground steadily. He's glad to live far away from any neighbours so he doesn't have to try to be friendly with anyone. Except his dogs, who are always ecstatic to see him home, welcoming him with howls and licks and pushing their cold noses against him. They're the only living things to make him smile. Their fur is soft against his cold hands as he kneels by them and kisses their fluffy heads, calls their names, even the old sad Dusty who merely growls and butts his head against him. 

The winds that are promising a cold winter are left behind for a while when Kaz closes the door behind himself.  
”I'll let you guys to the yard, don't worry,” he murmurs and stretches, shakes off the exhilaration of exercise. He lets the dogs out and drinks from his water-bottle until it's half-empty and eyes the schedule taped to his fridge-door. Accompanying it is a magnet that says dog dad, courtesy of Cécile for one of his birthdays. There's also a picture of the Grumpy Cat, courtesy of one of his co-workers. Don't worry, you're as cute as the kitty, she had said. She had said less after actually dating him for a week and after that disastrous night sleeping with her. 

It hadn't been her fault Kaz's scars freaked her out- or that he had them in the first place. Or couldn't get it up for her. Or. Or. Or. Kaz clicks his tongue. He shouldn't think about past lovers, past mistakes. Besides, the woman had gotten over it and Kaz had gotten over it. He can't fix his body and certainly can't get any younger and if someone doesn't get it- well, it's not gonna be something he loses sleep over. 

For someone else, Kaz's schedules might not make any sense. Yet it helps him keep track of his two jobs; which class he's with during his school days and what art exactly he's supposed to remember to bring to what lesson. He squints at tomorrow's spot. Monday hadn't been a source of nightmares for him much like it seemed to be for many others and now it just might be a little more interesting. Or dangerous, if he let himself slip up. 

Because the class for tomorrow is their class; the illustrious twins, Eva and John's little offspring. Eli with the snake-tongue and David with his damnable, distracting eyes. 

”He's just a kid, you perv,” Kaz mutters and retreats to his bedroom for his gym clothes. The 'just a kid' had been popping in his head ever since their first lesson, he had been attentive and obedient and genuinely interested even if Kaz could see that anything the school gym could teach him was far beyond David's level. The kid probably wouldn't mind if Kaz suggested that he check out the local gym, right? 

Kaz sighs and drags his gym-bag to the front-door, now filled with his gym clothes and towel for his shower.  
”Kiddos, time to come back inside,” Kaz stretches his legs and whistles from the backdoor. The dogs bark and gallop inside like a herd of wild cattle. 

”You goddamn lunatics,” Kaz grumbles and pushes their waving tails and sniffling noses away from himself.  
”I have a thing to go to. You be good, okay? I'll be back in a couple of hours.” Each dog gets its head ruffled and Kaz only manages to make it through the front door after being thoroughly licked. Grimacing, he wipes dog-drool from his face and shakes his head. 

Thank god for his new prosthetic leg, driving would have been shit with his old one. He had kept it for so long out of mere spite, reminding himself that he was nothing but an expendable cannon fodder for the American government and thus his ire against it was justifiable. Only his move here had prompted him to get a better one. That and Eva's insistence that she'd buy him one for his house-warming gift. 

He had almost ripped it off when she had revealed it had actually been bought by John, who hadn't even sent a message. 

Fuck John and his endless wealth. 

Kaz is grumpy by the time he makes his way to the gym. He waves vaguely in his co-workers' direction and changes hurriedly even if he's in no particular hurry. It's a good thing he remembered early on that he had to go, it takes ages to get from his place to the city center after all.  
”Had a good Saturday, Miller?” One of the two men present speak. Kaz can't exactly recall his name. Steven? Sam? Something? Sam probably. He's ridiculously buff and smiles a little too much for Kaz's liking.  
”It was fine,” Kaz murmurs and wipes his glasses clean. The dressing room-lights are way too bright for his over-sensitive eyes but he says nothing, only tucks his glasses back on after changing his shirt. 

”You know, Miller, I have this friend-”  
”I have class,” Kaz says and frowns at Sam-whatever. Sam grins. Too white. Too wide.  
”I wasn't proposing, mister Hell Master.”  
”Don't call me that.”  
”Anyhow. This friend really needs a new limb- or a few. Mind sharing with the class where you get your gears?” Sam gestures at Kaz's hand. Kaz blinks.  
”I- uh. The leg I got made but .. the hand. Yeah. The Armaments Clinic in the next city over, you know? Obviously it was expensive as hell but it's worth it.” Kaz shows it off, the metallic fingers curling into a fist and then back open again. Then into a fist again. Sam nods.  
”Might check it out. Thanks man.” He doesn't pat Kaz on the back. He and everyone else had learned early on not to touch Kaz without his permission.  
Kaz leaves him be. 

The Sunday's class has already started to gather when he marches to his room. The mats have already been laid out, everyone is already in their positions. They are a little more advanced than Kaz's usual class but he's been briefed enough by Lina so he's on board. Somewhat. At least everyone seems to be over thirty so there's no uninterested teenagers to deal with.

”Good evening and welcome. Some of you already know me and if you know me, you also know of my unfortunate nickname. Please don't use it.” That gets some snickers and even Kaz huffs at it. ”Just call me Benedict or Miller. Whatever makes you comfortable. Let's get kicking then but first some warm-ups.” 

Of course, a safe, warm classroom is a far cry from guerrilla attacks and the scent of Afganistan deserts but Kaz had learned to love the dullness of it. He hadn't enjoyed the nights of screaming and nightmares that had come with his combat memories or the utter rage at having two of his limbs amputated. At least he had kept both of his knees and half of his other elbow. And his prosthetic hand was stronger than his actual one anyway. Even if it was a pain to keep them in check. 

He watches over the sit-ups, the stretches. He corrects postures and shows the right way to down the opponent. He blows his whistle when one of the students is hit in the face hard enough for their nose to crack. What follows is a string of colourful swears and the one punching escorting the one punched out of the class. 

Kaz's neck prickles, like he's being watched but he chooses to ignore it.  
”Again!” He isn't one for comforting. He's sure the nose wasn't even broken but he doesn't like the way one of the students is glancing at him. Kaz is extra-hard on her, even beckons for her to volunteer to spar with Kaz himself. Perhaps it's wrong of him but he doesn't like being stared at, doesn't like being made the bad guy. She's sweating by the time he's done and Kaz is rubbing his aching cheek.  
”A strong punch,” he says. His heart thumps hard in his chest. He hasn't thought about his life outside of this room in the entirety of the fifty minutes the class takes. 

He shoos the students away when the time is up and starts gathering his things. His back is turned so he doesn't see that someone has come inside, their steps light.  
”The next class is in fifteen minutes,” Kaz says when another person's shadow falls over his own.  
”Uh,” says David. Kaz turns, eyebrows raised. The kid looks better this way; not surrounded by others his age and keeping his head taller. He meets Kaz's hidden gaze straight on. 

”I just.. started going to the gym here,” David says. Kaz blinks, swallows. He has to take a brief step back. They're almost equal in height.  
”I see. What a coincidence.” Kaz knows it'a dumb thing to say for there is only one gym in the entire city. David's mouth twitches but bless him, he doesn't laugh.  
”You teach martial arts? That's cool,” David says and there it is again, that hopeful, bright look in his eyes. Kaz's mouth is dry. His gaze flicks down to David's lips, to the tongue that wets them when the boy looks for things to say. 

”I do. I need to get home, kiddo,” Kaz says, clears his throat. The longer he stays still, the more disgusting his sweaty shirt has started to feel. David blinks at him, takes a step back. Is there a flush on his face or is Kaz imagining (hoping)?  
”Ah-uh. Of course. You know-” David swallows, clutching the strap of his bag tighter. Kaz raises an eyebrow, standing taller.  
”I didn't know if it was gonna be you. I thought your name was Kazuhira.” The foreign name rolls a little awkwardly off David's tongue but Kaz doesn't mind. He finds that he quite likes it.  
”It is. Benedict is what I use in formal occasions. Official things. Not that it's any of your business.” Kaz bites his tongue. Fuck David and his young, entrancing arms. It shows that he exercises regularly, having built up a good amount of muscle mass already at his age. 

He'll grow up to be as handsome as his father. Kaz's jaw tightens.  
”Have a good evening, David,” he grunts and brushes past the kid.  
”Uh. Okay. See you, teach!” David shouts after him. Kaz doesn't turn to look. To continue to look would be dangerous. Looking leads to thinking. Thinking leads to imagining. His hands on David's body, his mouth on that sharp jawline and David's moans in his ears. 

Kaz sighs. 

He does have that beer when he gets home. And has another. He's earned it, dammit. What were those steps again he had gone through with his therapists? Keep yourself in control. Your emotions don't control you but you have to accept them.  
”He's nineteen,” Kaz says aloud. One of his dogs raises its head from beside the fireplace, letting out a sleepy growl. The guilt Kaz waits for doesn't hit him as hard as he expected it to. After all, he hadn't done anything. He hadn't invited David to the gym. He hadn't paid that much attention to the boy's body- really, it's normal to look when it's brought in front of him. David had clearly been on the gym as his sleeveless shirt had revealed well-toned arms, some dark strands stuck to his temples. Kaz bets John never looked like that; naive, almost innocent. All in all, John had never looked at him like David does. 

Kaz licks beer-droplets from his lips and digs out his stash of pot. He's never smoked cigarettes or cigars; the latter had especially on his no-good list afer John but the occasional joint had always managed to calm his nerves. 

”David,” Kaz murmurs as he flops back down on the couch, the sweet, sweet smoke slithering around him.  
”You'd better stop before I take you seriously.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i should maybe slow down with the daily updates but come on. i'm having way too much fun with this fic. :D and we haven't even gotten to the explicit content yet.
> 
> rip David Bowie, the starman, the man who sold the world.


	7. too dumb to see the danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David lusts inappropriately and at the most inappropriate times. Meryl is too attentive for her own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have listened to brooklyn baby while writing.

The temperature drops abruptly during the night so when Monday begins, every citizen blinks their eyes against harsh winds and takes out their warmer jackets and scarves.The freezing rain had started in the early hours of the morning and was still continuing by the time David made his way from the bus stop to the main building, Eli in tow. The latter kept complaining, the former suffering his fate in silence.

”Fuck this country, fuck this weather, how does mom live like this,” Eli grumbles and keeps a tighter hold on his hoodie, squinting against the barrage of rain. Every little drop feels like a tiny, ice-cold knife hitting the helpless students staggering towards the school.

”Stop whining, we're almost there,” David murmurs and grabs Eli's arm, pulls him closer. Their illustrious mother had called later last night and informed she'd be coming to visit them soon but had left the date as a surprise. Their father had never mentioned anything about a visit. Probably didn't care enough.

 

Both twins draw breath when they finally make it inside, to the relative safety and rain-free insides of their school.

”Whoever decided that Mondays should start at 8am and with double maths needs to be shot,” Eli says and pulls down his hood, shaking his lion's mane free. At some point David had been a little jealous of Eli's hair, his own hadn't been the same nice shade of blond in its original color nor had it been that thick. Probably taking more after their father.

 

”You're just mad the teacher isn't some hot chick,” David says without much humour in his voice. He dodges Eli's elbow and pulls off his scarf, rubbing his reddened ears.

”Says the one who kept looking at mister Miller's ass-” Eli doesn't even try to dodge a kick to his knee, rubs it with a slightly strained smirk.

 

”You're not even trying to hide it, you perv.” David flicks him the middle finger and takes off his coat, heading towards their chemistry and math-classrooms. Eli follows, already exaggerating his swagger, proudly wearing his dumb gang-jacket. Never Be Game Over. What does that even mean? David knows better than to question his twin's fashion choices, though. He still ignores Eli's countering middle finger and waves a shy hello to their classmates. They're getting along pretty well, even if some of them think Eli is a little over the top.

 

”At least it isn't Emmerich teaching maths, he's awful,” one girl, Meryl, is saying to another.

”How so?” David asks, still innocent to the ways of the world and their school. He eyes his twin with a frown as Eli is being showed something on a friend's phone, both snickering at it.

”How so- you've been on his class! He's a shitty teacher and from what I've heard, kind of a shitty person too,” Meryl continues. She blows a strand of red hair off her forehead. She'd been the first person to talk to David after the twins had transferred and had become sort-of-friend during their first week.

 

”Eh, well. I might have.. mostly slept through it,” David murmurs, rubbing the side of his nose. He doesn't mention his text to his father or his cheerful answer. Brrh. Meryl snorts and elbows him.

”I don't blame you,” a kid from his other side- was it another John? Jake? Or something? Says, nose-deep in a book. ”Emmerich barely knows his stuff. I don't know why Strangelove insists we call her that but I'd call her whatever she wanted if she taught me everything there is to know.”

”Too bad Strangelove's into women,” another boy says with a dreamy sigh. ”She's so hot.”

”What? Is she a lesbo-?”

”Yeah, you didn't know?”

David squirms, instantly a little uncomfortable. Meryl eyes him, eyebrows raised.

”You okay?” David clears his throat. His ears feel hot. Eli's cackling increases in volume. Whatever his friend is showing him must be hilarious.

”Talking about teachers like that,” David says. He shrugs, tries to pass it off as nothing special. Hadn't he basically come onto Miller yesterday like some lovesick idiot? The man must think of him as such a moron. Meryl pats his shoulder.

 

”Okay, you goody-two-shoes. Like you haven't lusted after a teacher ever in your life. Don't tell me Strangelove isn't good-looking because she is,” she says nonchalantly and whispers something to one of her girlfriends. Both of them giggle. David wrinkles his nose.

”Ew,” he says instead of yes or no. Too bad for him but Meryl is sharp-eared and sharp-eyed enough to notice. She squints at him.

” You totally have. Someone in here? Do tell!” David flips her the middle finger and ignores her offended squack, his ears red.

”Oh, Davey-boy, you're in trouble now,” she says and nudges him in the ribs, a little too hard. For such a scrawny girl, she sure is strong.

 

Thankfully at that moment Strangelove decides to turn the corner, her heels tapping against the floors.

”You aren't fighting, are you?” She says, glancing at them from over her ever-present sunglasses. This school really was a den of weirdos. David shakes his head, offering a shaky smile. Strangelove winks.

”She's so hot,” murmurs the earlier boy. She pretends she doesn't hear. Whatever secrets Strangelove hides, it's not for them to know, these human fledglings, dancing on that fragile edge between childhood and adulthood.

 

David falls asleep on the class twice. Eli sways too much on his chair and falls off, covering his embarrassment by being louder than everyone else. Strangelove sends him off with a promise to behave himself and smiles when David promises to finish his notes for his brother. Strangelove doesn't ask him to stay after class and David doesn't ask his father if he truly knows her. Maybe he doesn't want to know.

 

”You have free time, I have artsy-fartsy stuff to get to. See you at lunch,” Eli smacks David on the back and leaves, already on the phone. Probably his wild girlfriend or his even wilder friends. That gasmask-wearing dude had certainly been weird. David puts on his earbuds and doesn't feel like talking so he finds his way outside since it's no longer raining. His feet taking him towards the football-field. It's surrounded by a fence so David grabs it and watches as the student practice, everyone looking like they're in a particularly bad mood. His heart lurches at the sight of Miller, hands on his hips and his shouts loud enough for David to hear. He watches, wonders at their brief meeting yesterday. Shit, but he had made such a moron out of himself. Miller had probably been dead-tired and desperate to go home and David had made him linger. At least he hadn't stared at the man's hand anymore. Or his leg, for that matter. It was easier to not to notice as what Miller wore looked like a normal foot especially with his longer trousers.

 

Yet now that David knows it's there, it's hard not to stare. Had Miller truly been in the army? Is that where he had lost his limbs? Whatever had driven an ex-soldier to teach at a high school, it must have been something big. The old rock song in David's earbuds changes into another and he flinches, the volume-button shifting on its own.

”Shit.” He digs out his phone and stumbles for the button. He flinches again when a football punches the fence right where his face just was. Instead of the student he expected to see, he sees Miller.

 

David's ears feel hot. Miller's eyes are once again unreadable behind his glasses, as he crouches to pick up the discarded football. He straightens. He's taller, but not by much. David's toes curl inside his boots.

”Having fun, kiddo?” Miller asks, the ball pressed between his hands. His navy-blue zip-up sweatshirt looks good on him, even if it looks much too thin for the chilly air.

”I was just curious,” David says, swallowing. His fingers tangle in the cord of his earbuds. He knows he's staring. Miller huffs and offers him a half-hearted grin before turning to kick the ball back to his students.

”Next time it's your head, Stevens!” Miller shouts and David can hear the student answer something mocking that probably gets him the exercise of his life. David takes that as an opportunity to leave.

 

He looks back once, only to notice Miller staring at him for afar. David's heart is deafeningly loud in his ears. He can do nothing but swear. All it took was one lesson. One goddamn lesson and here he is, already daydreaming about the guy. David sighs, slaps himself on both cheeks. His stomach growls so he makes his way towards the school caféteria, to the others loitering near, waiting for the lunch hour to start.

”Don't you look flushed,” Nathaniel remarks, fistbumping him. David huffs.

”Just went outside. It's freezing out there already.” That gets him a few guffaws.

”Poor American. It's basically the middle of a summer. Just wait until it's midwinter.” David flips them all the middle finger but laughs among them. He presses his fingers against his pulse and finds it still racing. He doesn't admit it to anyone but he's curious at why Miller keeps those glasses. The faint outlines of his eyes that David had glimpsed didn't look deformed or odd. Maybe his eyes were just light-sensitive. Asking his mother was out of the question. She'd just tease him.

 

Sometimes it was too much to bear to have such a family where personal privacy just didn't exist. Then again, David didn't really blame Eva for being curious. She hadn't been much of a mother and hadn't even lived them for long, had found the call for travel and her classified work more interesting than family life. Yet she genuinely loved them, coddled them like they were still babies. Eli hated her for it. David loved her for it and he knew Eli did too but since Eli was still in that hardest phase of teenagehood where parents were demons, David let it be.

 

Besides, they had a nice life. He could chit-chat with his classmates, like now, talk about football and school food, the weather and upcoming exams. Even the dreaded subject of teachers. At least three boys had admitted to having a crush on miss Strangelove, even if her being of ambiguous sexuality was common knowledge.

Obviously the dreaded Hell Master came up at some point, most deciding that the man was scary and rude, some saying he's just probably cranky at having to deal with teenagers all the time.

”You reap what you sow,” Nathaniel says wisely. ”Besides, the dude's hot. I don't mind looking at his fancy prosthetics if you catch my drift.” Few wolf-whistles and nudges and elbows are countered by Nathaniel showing his tongue and making fart-sounds at his classmates. David snickers too, a little glad that nobody had seemed to caught on that he wasn't exactly straight either.

 

And it was easier to like Nathaniel, nobody had apparently batted an eyelash when he had come out as bisexual. Of course, who would cross the school's star athlete and a national champion in baseball. Not like David who was still a stranger and didn't quite fit in. Even if he was almost as fast as Nathaniel.

He's glad to be shaken out of his thoughts by the ringing of the bell and the doors being opened to let the stampede of hungry students in. David drowns his thoughts in the noise of his fellow students, in his growling stomach. It works all the way to the table where Eli is already lounging, chewing absent-mindedly on a French fry.

 

”Your boyfriend's here,” Eli remarks. David blinks, his chewing interrupted.

”What?” He means to say. Instead it comes out as: ”Whuuh?” Eli wiggles his eyebrows, points rather rudely behind them. David takes a peek. Miller indeed is sitting with two of his fellow teachers, deep in conversation. He hasn't ditched his sweatshirt, but has rolled up his sleeves. David swallows.

”Fuck off, Eli.”

 

David's neck prickles. He sends his mother a message.

_'So. Uh. Do you know Kaz Miller? Kazuhira? He's one of our teachers and I just. He might know dad.”_

Eva's answer comes almost an hour later.

 _'Oh dear. Oh dear. It's a really long story, honey. But yeah. He's my friend.'”_ David raises his eyebrows. _'It was before you were even born, well, before me and your father had even gotten together but your father and Kaz dated for quite a while. It was awkward and messy. Don't admit you know. Your father never talks about it and it was worse on Kaz. Has he been tough on you?'_

David licks his lips, glances at the History teacher who doesn't seem to notice his unsubtle texting under his desk.

 

 _'No. It's just-”_ David bites his lip, backtracks, writes again. _'No. It's nothing, mom. He's been fine. He just seemed similar to dad so I figured.'_

” _Alright, honey. Call me if there's anything, alright? If Kaz is too hard on you, call me and I'll tell him to cut it off, right?'_ David huffs, his mouth forming a soft smile.

_'Mom, I'm not five years old. I can take care of one unruly teacher.'_

Eva sends back a string of emojis, among them a thumbs up and a grinning face.

 

His mother doesn't need to know about his crush, right? Like she doesn't need to know that he had kept in contact with Frank. The fallout of that had been pretty fantastic. And by fantastic David means awful.

 

He sighs, forehead slamming against his desk.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i figured Kaz would have gotten rid of his shittier prosthetics and gotten something like the newest bionic limbs. (like what an athlete wears etc). he might have two, one for a more casual life and one for his exercises. so something like this: http://media.ottobock.com/prosthetics/knees/c-leg/images/c-leg_system_1_1_teaser_fallback_retina.jpg and http://www.syracuseprostheticcenter.com/images/running.jpg. The former would be what he wore to the school (to prevent teens from asking stupid questions etc) but he'd wear the latter to his martial arts classes & his runs etc. 
> 
> and his arm: http://images.fastcompany.com/upload/59290647.jpg or you know, something Venom Snake has. Because whatever, this is an AU, I do what I want etc.


	8. you're too young for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David continues to lust. Kaz has an inner conflict.

Truth to be told, Kaz hadn't even realized it was David by the fence before it was too late. The kid had such wind-swept hair that it made Kaz's mouth twitch in amusement. It looked endearing. Their brief conversation had been awkward, hesitant, Kaz had kept his secrets hidden and David had just stared at him. His limbs too long, the frankly pathetic beginnings of a stubble covering his jaw. Kaz had seen him run, seen him flex his muscles. David was so unlike his father, a certain kind of enigma.

 

Kaz's mouth had been dry when he had walked back to his students and barked at them a little louder than necessary. If his heart had been thumping when he had glanced back to see that David had looked behind too, well. Nobody really needed to know? He was closer to fifty than fourty, for God's sake. And David wasn't even twenty.

 

Maybe Kaz really should try a little harder to keep his distance and not end up bumping into the kid in all these places. That train of thought only works so far though, as Kaz comes to realize when David sits with his friends a couple of tables over in the cafeteria. Kaz nearly chokes on his coffee and has to be helped by few chosen slaps on the back.

”It's fine, I'm fine,” he murmurs and tries to act normal.

 

It works well, he thinks at least until afternoon happens and it's time for PE. David is the first to appear to the gymnasium, laughing at some joke another kid has just told him. Kaz's heart lurches uncomfortably. David's sweatpants might be loose enough to hide his legs but they hug his bottom well enough. Kaz swears in his head and blows into the whistle to divert attention to himself. Perhaps he's too ruthless during the class, as one of the boys looks close to tears and most of them are too out of breath to say anything. Yet if Kaz stops moving, his thoughts start going into unwanted directions. He wishes he had something to smoke on.

  
Especially when he notices the way David keeps glancing at him, the tips of his ears gone adorably red. Kaz bites his tongue, turns to look away when they stretch their aching muscles and joints. Kaz himself walking around to correct postures and huffing a word or two but staying clear of David. A few times out of the corner of Kaz's eye he sees David opens his mouth, like to say something but Kaz takes the opportunity to slip away. One disaster of a relationship had been enough. One disaster of a relationship with someone much younger than him had been enough. He'd just stain David, harden him to the point of no return.

 

Monday ends in confusion, in Kaz smoking a joint on his porch and watching his dogs play.

Tuesday begins and ends much in the same way. Kaz sees David during lunch but makes no eye contact, doesn't see or hear how David is teased by his classmates who have started to take notice.

Wednesday comes and goes and Kaz avoids even looking at David despite teaching the kid's class that day of the importance of basketball-rules. The kid had chosen a tight sleeveless shirt for that day, sweat making it stuck to his skin. Kaz jerks off in the teachers' dressing room after the class, muffling his groans against his fist. That kid was toying with him.

 

Thursday begins rainy and crappy and Kaz is in a horrible mood when he swings by the gym late that evening, only to find that he's way too early and that not one of his students is going to be here too early. He gets himself a cup of coffee and the newspaper and sits down to wait.

 

”I'm busy. Get lost,” he grunts without looking up when he hears the chair opposite to him scrape the floor.

”Uh, sorry,” comes David's voice, low and soft, hints of the same deceitfully soft rhythm in it as his father's. Kaz stills, looks up to find a flushed-faced David who's clutching the strap of his bag and avoiding straight eye contact. He had shaved his struggling stubble and had nicked himself, as there is a small Superman-bandaid on the side of his chin. Kaz's fingers twitch.

”I... it's fine,” Kaz murmurs and takes a good, long sip of his coffee. He wishes he had a cigarette. He wishes he smoked cigarettes. He wishes he hadn't jerked off to the image of David on his knees yesterday but he can't timetravel so there's that. Or punch himself in the face without breaking something important. He's no good for this boy. Not now, not ever. Still, he says it's fine so David smiles at him, the strong lines of his face softening, brightening.

 

”Awesome. I was just, I came by to use the gym and I might have lingered because the receiptionist said you have class today.”

”Look, kid-” Kaz starts folding the newspaper, frown on his face. David blinks, rubs the side of his nose. His cheeks have gone red.

”Fuck, I'm screwing this up,” he mutters. Kaz stills again, watching him. Enticing steam rises from his coffee mug so he takes another sip. It burns his insides pleasantly. David continues, the low, pleasant timbre of his voice making Kaz's skin rise to goosebumps.

 

”It's just- I wanted to talk to you but it's like you're avoiding me,” David says. He fiddles with a loose string on the strap.

”I'm not avoiding anybody, David,” Kaz says, turns his attention back to his newspaper. He's still got at least half an hour to go. Why the fuck did he come this early?

”Sure,” David mutters. ”Anyhow. You know my mom, right? Eva?” Kaz raises his eyes again.

”Yes? The reason why I knew who you and your brother were. What about it?” A bad taste has risen to his throat. The kid couldn't know, could he? Eva would know not to share such a private part of Kaz's life.

 

David puts his elbows on the tiny table separating them and leans closer, his teeth nibbling on his lip. Against his better judgement, Kaz's gaze flicks down to that mouth.

”It's just cool, you know? Me and Eli saw a lot of soldier-types when we still lived with dad but you're the first one with such, such- uh, cool prosthetics.” David wets his lip, meeting Kaz's gaze head-on. Kaz's turn to act flustered, almost shy. His prosthetic fingers curl into fist then open back up again.

 

”Uh. Thanks. I guess.” He's wearing his less shitty leg prosthetic now, even though it doesn't even remotely look like a real foot and makes driving a little harder. Yet it gives him the opportunity to do everything like someone with two normal feet.

”I got another question,” David says, leans back again. Now that he's stopped avoiding eye contact, he can't apparently stop staring. Kaz folds the newspaper and places it on the table, uncomfortable under such tight scrutiny. He sips his coffee.

 

”Do you know my dad?” Kaz's jaw tightens. It's like every inch of him stills. He knews it was coming but it still gives him a jolt.

”Yes. Don't ask.” David blinks at his sharpened tone.

”I was just-”

”You're a really nosy kid, aren't you?” Kaz empties his mug and stands up, mouth in a thin line. David stares at him, lips parted.

”I was just, it's just-” he starts, standing up as well.

 

”We shouldn't even be meeting outside of school like this, kid. Go home. Whatever relations I have or have had with your parents is none of your business.” David bites his lip. Kaz turns away.

”Excuse me for trying to make conversation,” David grumbles and brushes past him, head down. Kaz only turns back around when he hears the front door open and close and sees David's vanishing back.

 

”A little brutal, aren't you, mister Hell Master?”

Kaz sneers and leaves his empty coffee mug with the receiptionist, who had been watching and listening to the exchange.

”None of your-”

”Business, I know, grumpyface,” receiptionist says. Kaz had never really bothered to learn her name. Mainly because she looks and sounds like Cécile and one Cécile was enough to handle. Kaz scoffs.

”The kid's got a crush on me. I told him off. That's all,” he says. The girl looks at him, hums thoughtfully.

”Well, you're one hot male specimen despite your no fun allowed-personality,” she says. Kaz feels like sticking out his tongue but doesn't.

”I have fun,” he says instead. It comes out a little whiny.

”I'm sure,” she answers.

 

So maybe Kaz is a little rude. So maybe he doesn't exactly remember when and what things are appropriate. So what? He's fine with the way his life is- with the way his personality is. He hadn't chosen to have such shitty experiences in his past that had turned him into this and he's making do the best he can.

And frankly, David is the weird one for lusting after him.

 

It still doesn't stop Kaz from having a dream about the kid the next night that he wakes up sweaty and hot from.

”Fuck,” he says to his ceiling and to his sleepy, furnace-hot dogs crowding him in his bed. Kaz pushes a hand under the covers and under his boxers to find them stained.

”Fffffuck.”

 

It's not his fault it's a little hard to face David on Friday's PE class and especially hard to ask the kid to stay after it. David has worn a loose t-shirt today, that's a little too short for him so everytime he stretches, a patch of skin shows. Kaz wonders if it's on purpose.

”Look, you- you-” Kaz bites his lip. David watches him curiously, stretches his arms absent-mindedly.

 

”Are you okay, master Miller?” David asks, the nickname coming out easily from his tongue. Kaz nearly flinches.

”Good god. Just Miller, you idiot,” he says, then has to bite his tongue again at the flash of hurt on David's face. Kaz wipes loose strands from his face and grimaces.

”I don't mean that you're an idiot, you... kid. It's just. Just quit with your.. face and all. I'm no one's master and certainly not yours,” he says. David watches him, a quirk on his lips. Was the kid laughing at him?

 

” Just stop with this half-hearted flirting, kid. I'm too old for you anyway,” Kaz snaps when David nearly speaks. There he goes again, flushing all the way to the tips of his ears.

”I'm not- I- wha-” Kaz frowns.

”I'm not blind or deaf, you idiot. Like I haven't had students flocking to me for years. I know what it looks like. Just stop-”

 

”Like you want me to stop,” David interrupts him, still chewing on his lip. Yet he's staring straight at him. Kaz is momentarily struck speechless.

”Jesus- you're nineteen, get someone your own age,” Kaz manages to say, his gaze rather helplessly following the line of David's throat. David does take a step back.

”But teacher,” David says. Kaz shakes his head.

”Get lost, moron. Stop.. just stop. Just get lost. And uh, sorry for that outburst in the café but I don't want to talk about your father. Ever. That's all. Please go.” It's all said in such a jumble of a sentence that Kaz grimaces and David stills. Kaz brushes past him and doesn't look back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayy, two chapters per day, yaaaay!


	9. another one as pretty as you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David gets some. Cue Miller crying somewhere in the distance and jerking off alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i show I have no clue how teenage male-relationships work. I apologize to all young dudes out there. I haven't been left with a very good impression of you. 
> 
> also: I do read every comment!! I love every comment! smooches <3<3<3

Friday-evening darkens the sleepy little town, pulling anyone over the legal drinking age towards their favourite bars and nightclubs. All three of them. One of those, a glittery club called GT, has the longest line as it's the most popular bar among the sexual minorities of the city. Somewhere in the middle of that line is David, fiddling with his phone and shivering in his light jacket. He's not much of a party goer but figures a night spent dancing and getting drunk is a good way to get his mind off Master Miller. Severely lamenting his wording choices, he still tries not to look too miserable. Especially since Eli had taken one look at his moping and tossed his phone at him, grunting at him to call his friends and get drunk.

 

Which was a little hypocritical coming from Eli, the professional broody one but David took the advice and phoned Nathaniel. His friend had been more than happy to invite him to GT. Only belately David had realized it's a gaybar.

”Are you still moping? I thought you knew this was a gaybar,” Nathaniel huffs from beside him. Meryl and a couple of her girlfriends are behind them, chattering excitedly. They look cute in their short skirts and hair smelling like flowers.'

 

”It's not..it's not that,” David mumbles and tucks his phone into his pocket. The girls hadn't let him off easily and had offered to help him get ready. Despite David's protests, he had been dressed in something skintight and uncomfortable, his dark hair giving that wind-tousled look that his friends had deemed sexy. Briefly David thinks of sending a selfie to Fox but decides against it. After their break-up, it'd be a little cruel to tease his ex like that. He still finds it hard to deleted Fox's phone number.

 

”I don't think anything about your sexuality, dude,” Nathaniel says then, linking his arm with David's. Nathaniel waves his hand at someone walking by, his grin casually flirty as it turns back to David.

”It's not that,” David says, glad that his cheeks are already winter-flushed so his embarrassment won't show.

 

”Oh? Aren't you straight?” Nathaniel leans a little closer, eyebrows raised. David huffs, flicks Nathaniel's forehead.

”I thought it was obvious I'm not,” he says, delighted when Nathaniel lets out a wolf-whistle.

”You're gay?”

David shrugs. ”I dunno. I'm not very attracted to girls though,” he adds. His arm is yanked back by Meryl, who's narrowing her eyes at him.

”I knew it,” she says while her friend pipes up from behind her that Meryl is just pretending. Meryl shuts her up quickly with a shush, then pushes her way between Nathaniel and David, linking her arms with theirs. Her head reaches just slightly over their shoulders. David refrains from patting her head as he likes his hands where they are.

 

”It's not like it's a big secret,” David says, squirming a little but not actively trying to get away from her.

”Whatever. At least you're decent enough not to talk about banging girls all the time like most,” Meryl says.

”Hey!” Nathaniel protests, trying to pull her off David. Meryl ignores him in favour of giving David a kiss on the cheek. She and her girlfriends have clearly been starting their drinking early as she backs off then, whispering something to them. David sighs and momentarily dares to put his head against Nathaniel's shoulder. Nathaniel pats him.

”There, there.”

 

Nathaniel proves to be a good companion to go to a bar with as he's courteous and notices that David is a newcomer to gaybars.

”I'm glad you're not ditching me,” David says and they clink their glasses together. Nathaniel ruffles his hair and takes a huge gulp of his drink that seem to consist of something dark and scary and burning, if Nathaniel's groan afterwards is anything to go by.

”Are you kidding? I don't want some old perv taking you away to be molested,” Nathaniel says and winks. David does his best to hide his reaction behind his own glass, thinking that he wouldn't mind if certain old perv molested him a little. Yet he tries not to think about Miller, instead concentrates on Nathaniel's easy smiles and the way he keeps rubbing his neck like as a nervous tick. They had hit it off almost immediately despite David's occasional awkwardness as Nathaniel seemed to be one of those everyone's friend-types. It helped that Nathaniel was easy on the eyes. It's not like all of David's sexual and romantic attraction went towards older men. He found people his age attractive too but never for long. A kiss here and there, a girl's hands in his hair during particularly cold evenings. Nothing lasting.

 

Whatever he feels for his teacher is so far from a mere crush that it makes his chest tighten painfully.

 

”I think I can handle myself,” David says and drinks his beer, even going so far as to roll up his sleeves. Why had the girls insisted on such tight long sleeves anyway when he was already sweating. Nathaniel isn't very subtle in the way he eyes David, patting his bicep.

”I'm sure, tough guy.” David elbows him and together they sit, chatting about this and that and occasionally glancing towards the dance floor. The DJ is playing modern day beats, nodding her head to the music.

”She takes suggestions,” Nathaniel murmurs, closer now. David doesn't mind- how else could he hear?

”Music or otherwise?” David quips and enjoys the sound of Nathaniel's laughter.

”You hang out with me too much,” Nathaniel huffs and buys David another drink. They lose the girls to the dance floor and then perhaps somewhere to the bathrooms but it doesn't matter, the night won't be cruel to any of them. How could it when they're all young, beautiful and most of all, free to be who they are.

 

The world blurs, the pleasant buzz in David's ears leads him to accept Nathaniel's hand and lead him to the dance floor. The lights change colours, bounce on gyrating bodies and smiling faces, all lost in the ecstacy of living in the moment.

”I don't know how to dance,” David shouts to be heard over the music. Nathaniel laughs and goes around David to grab his hips and blows against his ear. David flinches but doesn't move away, biting his lip when the heat of the dance floor climbs up, clings to his skin. The bass makes his skin vibrate.

 

”Come on, you can do it, Dave,” Nathaniel murmurs and encourages David to lean against him more.

”Feel it. You can do it.” David closes his eyes, chews on his lip.

”I suck,” he murmurs, just so he can feel Nathaniel's hands tighten on his hips. Their bodies press together more closely, David following Nathaniel's movements.

”Oh, David,” Nathaniel sighs, his fingers teetering dangerously close to the hem of David's shirt, toying with it. The song changes into something darker, slower. They're surrounded from all sides, everybody lost in their own, buzzed-up little world. David swallows, turns his head. His nose bumps against Nathaniel's cheek, then it's their lips in some half-hearted attempt of a kiss that makes both of them snort.

”That's sad,” Nathaniel mutters. David sticks out his tongue and turns around to repeat it, his hands instantly sliding to Nathaniel's short hair.

 

Nathaniel makes a choked sound against his mouth and instantly grabs David's waist, dragging him against his body. It's less dancing and more grinding at this moment, both of their breaths starting to come in quicker. Since Nathaniel's hair is short, David chooses to massage his scalp instead, going with what feels right. Their mouths are tightly locked, both of their eyes closed, pants entirely too tight for anything like this. Nathaniel whimpers when David reaches down between them, groping at Nathaniel's bulge.

 

”I don't- do this- usually,” David manages, biting hard on his lip when he breaks the kiss. Nathaniel gives him a wavery grin.

”You think I do?” He clears his throat, his voice huskier than before. David wets his lips, wonders if it was too much. If this is too much but the damage had been done, his own groin throbbing.

”You think- we could- bathroom?” David clears his throat too. Too bad Nathaniel's hair is short, David loves nothing more than grab his partner's hair. Not that a few haphazard blowjobs and everything he had done with his venture with Fox was anything to go by- Fox had loved anything that made him ache. He doesn't think about who else happens to have long hair as he lets his wrist be grabbed.

 

The crowd doesn't make it easy to find their ways towards the bathrooms, neither does the constant shifting of music or the lights, or the intoxicating atmosphere. Yet they manage, stumbling through the door and into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them. Nathaniel grabs David's shirt and kisses him again, harder when David murmurs a quiet please.

”Maybe we shouldn't,” David manages when Nathaniel's hands are already on his ass, grinding against him with such fervour that David's words come out stuttery and awkward. Nathaniel shifts, kisses his jaw, gives it a nibble that makes David flinches.

 

”You kidding, right?” Nathaniel murmurs but still raises his head, even stops his hips from moving. David can hardly stand from how hard he is, blinks at him.

”I mean, I'll- I feel like I'm taking advantage, you're clearly drunker than me,” David mutters, eyeing the way Nathaniel can barely stay on his feet.

”Blow me, tough guy,” Nathaniel huffs and sticks out his tongue, sits down on the toilet. ”You can't just- kiss a guy and then say you- don't be such a goody-two-shoes, babe.” He grimaces, unzips his pants and digs out his dick. David sways.

”'m not that good, Nate,” he grunts and goes on his knees, already unzipping his own trousers.

 

The amount of blowjobs he had given in his life can be counted in one hand but he figures he does a pretty good job, considering how quickly Nathaniel starts muffling his groans. Vaguely David remembers something about condoms but it had been a month since he had gone on his knees for anyone and that had been torture for someone with a healthy sex drive. Or as healthy as any nineteen-year-old. David closes his eyes and applies every technique he knows, burying Nathaniel's decent-sized dick all the way in and then back.

 

”That's so hot, Dave, f-fuck,” Nathaniel groans, his body shivering in the throes of upcoming climax.

”Can you stand?” David murmurs, licking few droplets of pre-cum from his lips. He drags Nathaniel up before he can say anything and buries his face in Nathaniel's neck, starting to stroke both of them. Nathaniel whimpers, grabbing his ass again. His stuttered compliments about it make David huff in amusement and stroke quicker. Their shared climax isn't so much shared as scattered and awkward, semen spreading on their hands- when had Nathaniel managed to put his on David's- and on their clothes. It comes too quickly for David's liking but he refrains from complaining, instead gives Nathaniel's ass a pinch.

”But your ass is so nice,” Nathaniel murmurs, rubbing his cheek against David's shoulder. David grunts and pushes him off him but does it gently as he doesn't want to be picking up pieces of Nathaniel by the end of the night. They clean up as well as is expected from two drunk boys and stagger out of the stall, trying to avoid looking at anyone for too long lest they raise suspicion.

 

The rest of the night is spent getting even more drunk, leaning against each other and David trying his best not to feel like he had made some kind of a mistake. Meryl at least had gotten drunk enough not to notice anything about them, instead proclaiming her love for them and then singing loudly alongside the three ABBA-songs someone had requested of the DJ who's starting to look a little haggard by the time Waterloo begins. They join the sing-along to the utter delight of Meryl, who is a sight to see like this. David gives her a hug, she leans to pat his ass and murmurs at least a dozen apologizies afterwards. Just that, it's a very nice ass, she says. David forgives her quickly enough.

 

They leave the club at 3am, leaning against each other and still singing Mamma Mia. Meryl leads her girlfriends towards their shared house and David leads Nathaniel, the drunker of the two, towards the taxi stop.

”You should take the taxi with me,” Nathaniel murmurs, seemingly unable to unattach himself from David. Up close like this his eyelashes are really long and his eyecolour is ridiculously beautiful. David rubs his neck.

 

”It's just a couple of blocks away, I can walk,” David murmurs. The taste of tequila still lingers on his tongue, the scent of smoke still in his hair. He doesn't smoke regularly, had tried not to make it a habit even if Fox always lit him one after they had done their illicit, immoral deeds and whenever Eli or whoever had dragged him into a bar.

”'s not safe,” Nathaniel stumbles and nearly pulls David along with them. Somehow their balance stays and David smiles apologetically at the taxi driver who pulls up next to them.

”It's safe, Nate. Go home and get a good night's sleep, you goof. Call me.” Nathaniel doesn't call, Nathaniel reaches for him and kisses him hard on the mouth, flopping down on the backseat of the taxi. David, thoroughly embarrassed now even through the haze of alcohol tells the taxi driver Nathaniel's address and sends him off in his way.

 

A couple of blocks isn't exactly right, as it's more along the lines of ten but David figures he can use the time to think. Drying semen-stains from his clothes are going to be a bitch to try to get rid of. He pulls his scarf tighter around himself and looks both ways before crossing the street. He doesn't notice is the tall figure at the end of the street, watching him go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic consistently refuses to be as sinful as I want it to be. But dude, you're the one writing it- shush. Shush with your logic. 
> 
> I'll just make it up by writing a filthy sex scene when they finally get to it, ok? ok.


	10. much needed conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which is Kaz's turn to lust and Cécile's turn to offer some grown-up advice to this broken manchild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear these chapters just get longer and longer

Nothing unusual about a bunch of high school teachers hanging out in one of the city's seedier pubs, even if one of them is an ex-army vet who definitely shouldn't be trying to outdrink his colleagues. Kaz hadn't made a lot of good life choices in his lifetime but this isn't the worst of them. At least his gym class tomorrow was scheduled for the evening and not the morning. Showing up hangover once had been enough as he had been chewed out by his boss. Not that Kaz particularly cared what anyone thought about him or his life but he preferred to keep his less headache-inducing job. Who knew keeping five huskies took so many out of his wallet.

 

Like a wise man, he had brought his cane to the bar. Most people around here knew him anyway and never commented on the cane. It was used for stabilisation anyway, especially since he was wearing his shittier prosthetic leg that tended to get a little cranky with cold weather. Kaz still stops when he steps out of the pub, sniffing at the air. Nothing quite like the bite of cold wind and the smell of cigarette smoke. Kaz pushes his glasses to the top of his head, preferring the blur of gentle nights to the dark hues that he usually sees. This is why he prefers evenings and nights: when life softens and slows down and everything is just dark enough as to not hurt his eyes.

 

He says his goodbyes to his colleagues and starts his swaying, staggering steps towards the nearest taxi stop. His mind is blissfully empty, his tongue still tasting the Scotch Strangelove had practically poured down his throat.

”I'm too old for this,” Kaz murmurs and is glad that there doesn't seem to be many people around. Some partygoers. Some tired bar-workers on a smoke break. Young, drunk people pouring out of GT. The night club was still relatively new but it had a reputation was one of the nicest place to get drunk at. Even if people apparently had sex in the stalls. Kaz doesn't pay particular attention to any of them, doesn't want to accidentally bump into one of his students so he stays on the other side of the road.

 

It only works so long as his eyes don't sweep the crowd to spot a familiar head. Kaz stills. A breeze brushes by him, making him shiver. He watches how David has his arms around his friends, his face a joy to watch. Kaz clutches his cane harder. The girls separate from David and his male friend. David gets a kiss and doesn't do much but smile at the other boy, waving his hand. They are a little too far away to make many details but Kaz would recognize David anywhere. His stomach clenches uncomfortably and he doesn't move until David has crossed the street and vanished behind the corner. Maybe he lives closeby, maybe he just wants to walk. Kaz grunts and shakes away the need to follow the boy. Enough. No need to encourage the kid, especially if that display was anything to go by.

 

Kaz is suitably grumpy when he steps inside the taxi, ignoring the driver's rather rude comment about his eyes. Kaz drops his glasses back onto his nose and decides to take a nap. His mind however, doesn't agree and helpfully replays that kiss. That other kid's hands on David, David gleefully recipropating. Kaz swallows. The kid was so fucking eager. If Kaz told him to.. told him anything, he'd probably do it in a heartbeat. Kaz clutches his thigh and tries to relax, head resting against the backrest. His drunken state doesn't do him any favours, whatever morals he usually has when sober vanishing as his mind starts to offer vivid imagery of what David might do if Kaz just asked.

 

And damn, if the memory of the kid calling him 'master' doesn't give him a hard-on then what would happen if Kaz took the kid up on his offer?

 

Kaz adjusts himself and swallows hard. Were he more wretched, he could find out David's address and phone number from student records. Were he more wretched, he would have followed. His fingers curl on his lap. David had kissed another boy. Had been kissed by another boy. Yet it had been Kaz who David had cornered, had watched him with all the intensity of his sharp eyes. Kaz groans and slumps further in his seat.

”You alright there, sir?” The driver asks, glancing at him with a raised eyebrow. Kaz grunts.

”Had a few too many.” The driver chuckles at that and mercifully doesn't speak anymore during the rest of the journey home. Only comments on how nice Kaz's house is, laughs when he hears faint barking.

”I've got huskies,” Kaz says as he pays up.

”Good luck with those,” the driver says and leaves him there, in the cold, hard ground and in the middle of these silent woods he calls home.

 

The lump in his throat and the bulge in his pants aren't easy things to ignore but Kaz tries as he makes his way inside, pushes off two of his excited dogs, the third one letting out a soft bark from his favourite place in front of Kaz's fireplace. The other two Kaz finds deep asleep, barely bothering to open their eyes at him. Kaz doesn't turn on lights, barely remembers to remove his shoe and his jacket. He flops down on his couch and idly pushes his hand to his crotch, palming himself through his trousers. When it's not enough, he unzips, slips his hand underneath. Kaz lets out a pleased sigh as his fingers wrap around swollen flesh.

 

He goes through the conversations of the night. Strangelove's new girlfriend. Emmerich proud of the accomplishments of his son who's apparently studying somewhere in the States. Stef's pleasant, comforting silence. Her hand on Kaz's arm, giving him a squeeze when she notices him distancing himself too much. She had never been scared of his reputation and after seeing her take down three robbers in a supermarket with her bare hands, Kaz doesn't ask questions. Amanda had told them her little brother had gotten into police academy. They had saluted in Chico's honour. Only once had the question of relationships come up and Kaz had stiffened visibly. These people don't know of his past transgressions and he'd rather keep it that way. He doesn't want to be branded an ebephobile. It's not like he regularly gets attracted to people half his age. He doesn't get attracted to people. Period.

 

Maybe John had truly fucked with his head so much that he misinteprets his pull towards David. Maybe it's nothing more than his leftover attraction towards John. Kaz squeezes his dick tighter, his pulls and strokes twitchy and uneven. He shouldn't have blown his chances with Cécile or Nadine. Or anyone else ever. Maybe now he would have someone to call and invite over to blow him, to fuck him and drive away the ever-present ache. Kaz bites his lips as he starts fucking his hand, trying his hardest to imagine one of his exes sucking him off, taking him deep but the image reverts back to David.

 

Unsatisfied, Kaz pulls his hand away and stumbles up from the couch on shaky legs. He gently pushes invading dogs away with his foot and stumbles to the shower. He takes off his prosthetic leg and wraps his arm, head a mess. It's hard to keep his eyes open but he still takes out his shower stool and sits down, letting the cool water brush over him. The orgasm he couldn't get starts fading. Kaz imagines David, how that beautiful, strong body would look over him and under him. Would David be loud? Would he be quiet? Get someone your age, Kaz had told him. He didn't have the right to be angry now that David had seemed to take his advice. Kaz spends less time in any actual washing that he spends thinking (moping, Cécile would call it) before he finally gives up on being awake altogether and heads to bed. _I'm screwed, Céci._ He sends to her and doesn't expect an answer. Doesn't get one.

 

Sleep obviously doesn't come until dawn starts breaking through clouds.

 

*

 

Kaz's life generally follows the same routine, depending on the day. Wake up, drink at least one cup of coffee. Feed the dogs. Walk the dogs or alternatively let them run around in the yard until they're panting and flop down in various parts of Kaz's house. Read the newspaper that Kaz gets delivered three times a week. Put some clothes on and get ready for work or don't put anything on and just watch shitty reality TV. It's a dull routine, broken apart by occasional rounds in pubs or when he digs into his secret stash of pot. Cécile's answer comes in form of a phonecall when Kaz puts on his better leg and heads for his run.

 

” _What's wrong now, Kazuhira?”_ She sounds compassionate enough. Kaz sighs, contemplates heading back to the house.

”I don't want to talk about this in public,” he says, rather uselessly as he lives in the middle of nowhere and there is absolutely nobody in sight. Cécile says as much. She sounds chipper, probably had already woken up at six am to watch out for birds or whatever the hell she does in early mornings in her cozy city center-apartment.

”Fine. I might.. I might be in trouble.”

” _Boy-trouble?”_ She asks, playful. He can't take it right now even when he knows she would never belittle his problems. At least not on purpose. Maybe sometimes he even deserves it. Not right now, though. He slows down to a brisk walk, already squinting at the rising sun. He hopes clouds would stifle that brightness.

 

”Céci,” Kaz grumbles. Listens to her melodic, sweet laughter and is surprised by how much he misses being with her. She had been the best of what he had had and their break-up had been friendly enough, allowing them to have a better relationship now. If only his ex-wife would hear it but as far as Kaz knows, Nadine took Catherine with her to LA. He often thinks of what his daughter is like nowadays but knows he missed his chance on becoming her father.

” _Are you wearing that expression again, Kazuhira? Don't do it too much, your face will be stuck that way.”_ Kaz sighs.

” _Fine, fine. I'm sorry. So what's up?”_ Kaz stops momentarily to crouch to tie his shoelaces, phone tucked against his shoulder.

”I told- well, you told me about those twins, right? Eva's brats?”

” _Yeah? Are they giving you trouble? Have you finally found your match, Kazuhira Benedict Miller?”_ Kaz grimaces at her use of his names.

 

”It's not that. It's just. I think I might have another situation. A.. you know. Situation.” He still doesn't continue to walk, pushing his other hand into his pocket. Cécile is quiet for a moment. Kaz's heart thumps. Too loud, too quick.

” _Kazuhira.. that's. That's bad,”_ she murmurs finally. Kaz swallows.

” _One of the twins?”_ Kaz's jaw tightens. He can't concentrate on the chilliness of the late morning when the chill inside of him is fiercer. He nods, then remembers he's on the phone. Old phantom pain creeps up his missing limbs.

 

”Yeah. David.” His voice sounds irritatingly rough, remnants of the hangover and the turmoil inside. He should have stayed inside, his head has started to ache.

” _You... you know it doesn't have to be the same as Stephen, right? And you haven't done anything?”_

”He's nineteen, Céci. And I'm his teacher. I was nothing like that to Stephen and I still fucked up both of our lives” Kaz says. At Stephen's name his voice cracks. He hasn't thought of Stephen in almost two years, had drowned the memory of that boy in booze and drugs for the first few months of his European life. If his parents saw him now; his reserved, quiet Japanese mother or his stoic, traditional American father. They'd disown him on the spot.

” _Kazuhira, sweetheart,”_ Cécile murmurs. It's a little like her being there in person. Kaz paces, doesn't want to go forward or backward.

”I've tried to not. Have this shit in my head. Do you know what David tried a while ago? The kid had the nerves to try to flirt with me.” Cécile snorts against her better judgement.

” _He seemed like the determined sort from what I heard from Eva,”_ she says. Kaz realizes she's trying to not let him fall down that dark hole again but it's not funny. Nothing's funny about how much his entire being yearns for David. Yearns to stain him, smother him with this twisted need.

”I told him to go home. To find someone his own age. It's like I slapped him in the face, for all the glowering he did at me.”

” _Oh, Kazuhira. You dork. You haven't done anything wrong.”_

”I don't want to ruin his life,” Kaz says. The part of him that remembers the years spent drenched in sex and drugs after his career as a soldier, that part shouts yes, yes, yes I want to ruin that boy, I want to see what his face looks like when I have my fingers around his throat, when I fuck his body until he can't remember his own name. There is no separate part like that. There's just Kaz and whatever morals he had carved out for himself after trying to start a new life.

 

” _You're not going to ruin his life. You're not going to ruin yours. I'm happy that you're worried, it already tells me this is different from Stephen. Do you understand?”_

”Believe it or not, I am a grown man. I get it,” Kaz murmurs, heart lighter as much as he feels reluctant to admit it. Cécile huffs in his ear.

” _Besides, David isn't underaged. He's well on his way on becoming a star athlete and a well-respected adult. I think he's capable of making his own decisions.”_ Kaz turns back towards his house.

”I know he is.”

” _Then let him make his own decisions.”_

”You're not bothered that he's nineteen? Céci, that means he's over thirty years younger than me. Thirty! I'll be in the grave when he's my age.” He nearly bites his tongue when he says it, glad that nobody is around to see the scrunched up expression of embarrassment. Cécile laughs, not mocking but gentle, sympathetic. Even then it feels a little like she's laughing at him instead of with him.

 

” _You silly, silly man. When have you ever let go and just lived?”_

”Shut up, you,” Kaz sighs as he digs out his keys, steps in. Cécile makes a kissing-sound at him.

” _You are ridiculous. Don't think about Stephen. Don't think about John-”_ Kaz stiffens, curses himself for it. He longs for the day when John's name won't make him freeze. _”Don't think about me or Nadine. David is none of us. He may be just nineteen but you won't be his teacher forever. You may be a pervert but it sounds to me like you care quite a lot. Am I right?”_ Kaz bites his tongue, makes his way to the kitchen. Where the hell are the painkillers when he needs them the most?

”Thanks, Céci. Bye now.” He hangs up on her but reads the text she sends him. He shakes his head as he makes himself a cup of tea and goes to the living room, glad when Roscoe and Molly who decide to join him on the couch, worming their way next to him.

”Watch it, it's hot,” he huffs and pushes their curious noses away from his teamug. It's true that David wasn't Stephen. First of all, David had had genuinely good upbringing. Stephen's life had already been fucked by his outright sadistic parents. They had both used each other: Stephen had used Kaz for escape, Kaz had used Stephen for momentary relief, like a sidedrug. Stephen had been seventeen.

 

Kaz hadn't thought of him in ages and now he doesn't want to, remembers why it tears him from the inside. He knows he should have never given into the boy's advances, had never should made them himself. And now it was happening again- and from John and Eva's kid, no less! They'd kill him if they found out how inappropriately he was thinking about their baby. Kaz groans and tries to concentrate on his tea and his stupid TV-shows. Fucking David. Fuck David and his bright eyes. Fuck David and his slender body. Fuck that kid who had kissed David last night.

 

”I'm fucking pathetic,” Kaz says aloud. Roscoe whines and licks his hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will this fic end   
> when will this fic release me


	11. never will I forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins get some bad news. Facesmushing finally happens between our two resident idiots.

Saturday-mornings are usually David's favourite part of the week. It's the blissful knowledge that there is no school that day, that he can do anything he wants. Like lounge around in pyjamas and beat Eli's ass in one of the dozens of videogames they have gathered for themselves over the years. Such bliss is far from the pained groaning currently happening, as David staggers towards the bathroom.

”Kill me,” he murmurs to the sink and splashes cold water to his face. Again and again and again and leans to drink some. His stomach feels like crap. His head feels like crap. Maybe Eli had stuffed his ears full of cottonballs again.

 

David sneezes when the smell of smoke slithers towards his nose.

”I would kill you but then mom or dad would kill me, so,” Eli says and leans against the open door. There's a lit cigarette on his hand. David groans again.

”Don't.. smoke inside, moron.”

”It's marihuana, moron,” Eli says, his words a mockery of David's voice. David lets out a rather convincing zombie-imitation.

”Dave. It helps. Take a drag.” Eli crouches beside him- when had David ended up on the floor? David snifs the air. It smells sweeter than a cigarette. Eli's face seems to swim. David obliges and takes the joint, inhaling the smoke. A couple of times he almost vomits but he manages to keep his stomach where it's should be.

 

Strangely enough, the smoke pushes away the nausea enough that David manages to stand. Eli grins and doesn't help him up, taking the joint back.

”Great, right?” David squints at him, suspicious. There's nothing the twins hadn't tried but Eli waking up earlier than David is unheard of- or knowing a cure for hangover. The pounding headache remains so David rubs his temple.

”How do you know this?” Eli raises an eyebrow and blows a puff of smoke towards David's face, making him cough.

”Mantis knows his shit,” Eli says. David knows not to ask. Maybe Mantis is one of Eli's weird new friends.

”Right.”

 

David washes his teeth, then his mouth a few times, grimacing at the mirror. So much for going to the gym today. Even if Miller might be there. The memories of last nights trickle back in and David sighs, pressing his forehead against the mirror. So he had went and sucked his classmate's dick. No big deal. Kissing him multiple times. No big deal. It happens. Nathaniel was really cute but it had been a spur of the moment and David had missed being on his knees for someone, hearing their desperate, lust-filled moans.

 

He hadn't used Nathaniel for his own gain, right? Right?

 

David sighs and goes off to change clothes into something more suitable for human interaction. He meets his twin's tilted eyebrow and stupid man-bun as he steps out of their shared bedroom.

”What.”

”I heard some rumours this morning,” Eli says and sips his coffee. The joint is long gone but it's scent lingers.

”Is that my shirt?” Eli doesn't take kindly to David trying to change the subject. Instead his eyes narrow and his grin widens. David shifts.

”Fuck off, Eli,” he grunts and tries to escape to the kitchen.

”Finally found somebody your own age, huh!” Eli yells after him. David promptly throws a dirty sock at him and makes himself a cup of coffee.

 

He hears Eli's phone ring. Doesn't mind it, figures it's Wolf or Mantis. Only lowers his coffee mug when Eli comes to the kitchen, expression so odd that David stills. Eli's hand clutches the phone too tightly. David leaves the coffee, worry tightening his heart.

”Eli, what is it?”  
”Dad's in a coma,” Eli says, voice strained. He stands stiffly, awkwardly. David's shirt looks wonky on him. Voice calls from the phone.

”Y-yeah. Yeah. Still here,” Eli murmurs and shoves his phone at David who takes it. He's painfully aware of how his breathing seems to have gotten stuck in his throat, how wide his eyes have gotten. Eli stares into nothingness, every muscle clenched.

 

”Yeah?”

 _'Baby,'_ murmurs Eva's voice, muffled. David swallows, steps closer. Eli doesn't struggle, doesn't move when David pulls him against himself.

”I hate that fucking shithead,” Eli whispers, while Eva says:

 _'Honey, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But your father has gotten into an accident and it's.. it's bad. I'm not going to lie. He was very badly hurt.'_ David wraps his free hand around Eli and listens to his brother's strained breathing. Eli doesn't cry, has never cried but somehow this silent stiffness is worse.

”How bad?” David swallows again. The lump in his throat doesn't go away. Whatever the great Big Boss had been to them, no matter how much they had distanced themselves from him, a son rarely forgets his father. Especially someone like Big Boss.

 

 _'It's likely...'_ Eva chokes up. David's heart clenches tightly, painfully. Eli's breathing is hot, barely there. _'It's likely he won't wake up.'_

”I'm sorry, mom,” David murmurs. How his own voice stays so stable, he doesn't know. Eli clutches his shirt and draws breath.

”I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,” is repeated under his breath over and over again. David rubs his back. Knows not to say anything as Eli would take it the wrong way.

 _'We separated years ago but still. I'm sorry, baby. I'm afraid it means I have to cancel my trip there. I have... I have to help with organizing things and all. And I want to see him.'_ David's eyes sting. His hangover all but forgotten, it's sympathy he feels for his mother. Eva and John had been a power couple, a mystery-woman and her soldier but that power had left them drained. David knows the reason for Eva's string of lovers, one-night-stands that never stood. After a man like Big Boss, anyone must seem inferior. And Eva had spent so long with John, loving that beast no matter what he went through.

 

”It's okay, mom. We get it.”

 _'I'll call you when I know more. I have an early flight. David, honey- if there's ever anything, anything you need, you can always call me. You know that, right?”_ Eli's shoulders shake. David draws breath, squeezes his eyes shut.

”I know, mom. We know. We love you.” Eli swears under his breath.

 _'And I love you, my baby boys. Talk to you soon!”_ David says goodbye and ends the call. He wraps his arms fully around his twin, feels Eli tuck his head more firmly against his shoulder. Somehow, the house shrinks around them and chokes them in this odd mixture of feelings. Neither has ever had an easy relationship with their father but neither ever truly wished for him to be gone from their lives.

”I hate him,” Eli grunts again. David says nothing, just hides his face against his twin's shoulder.

 

*

 

Later that day Eli pretends that moment of weakness never happened and David lets him. They go their separate ways after they have eaten, Eli to hang out with his friends and David to the gym. He gets a text from Nathaniel as he steps out of the bus.

_'So did last night happen or did I imagine it'_

David's mouth twitches into a faint smile. He texts a simple yes as an answer. Nathaniel's answer fires back a blink of an eye later. _'I'm not gonna be all high and mighty and think you're actually interested but damn, Dave. For someone who seems like a virgin, you kiss mad well.'_

David groans and tugs his hood deeper over his head as he makes his way inside the gym, offering a smile to the receiptionist who already seems to know him by name.

”Hi David!” She even waves. David makes his way to her.

”Hi? Uh, Paz?”

”Three weeks and you still don't know my name? Rude,” she says but smiles sickeningly sweetly at him.

 

Somehow David feels like he's being researched. The odd, echoing emptiness inside him is clawing at him. He thinks about his father, that broad-shouldered warrior, slave to machines keeping him alive. His hands tremble.

”I'm.. I'm just gonna use the gym. Is Mister Miller here today?” It just slips out. Paz eyes him, her smile fading into something like concern. David can't take concern right now.

”Yes. He'll have a class in a half an hour. Are you-”

”I'm fine. Thanks, Paz.”

 

He's not fine. He goes on the treadmill and just walks, walks, walks. Ten minutes pass and only then he remembers to dig out his earbuds. He runs, eyes staring unseeing at the numbers ahead of him. He's in a coma, whispers Eva in his head. In a coma. How can something like a mere accident put his father in a coma? During his life, John had been stabbed, shot, choked, poisoned. None of it had killed him. He bore his scars like victory marks. David gets off the treadmill when nausea starts climbing up him again. He wanders through the gym, his exercising half-hearted. Only when he gets to the punching bag he lets go, aware that his posture is all wrong and that his punches are doing nothing to ease this strange, choked feeling but he still goes at it.

 

”Kiddo.” David can't hear. His eyes are wet.

”David.” David's arm is grabbed and pulled back. He swivels around, face tight to meet his match but when he sees it's Miller he freezes. Miller lets go immediately. His hand is very warm.

”You're making my wrists ache from the shitty way you're hitting,” Miller says, his voice a pleasant, warm rumble. David sniffles, wipes his face and turns away.

”Sorry, teach,” he murmurs. His fingers curl inside his boxing gloves. Miller's hand lands on his shoulder, squeezes. David raises his gaze and sees himself in the mirror; pale and messy-haired, one earbud hanging over his chest. Even his shoelaces seem to have opened. Miller hovers behind him like some creature from a dream; sharp-cheeked and once again wearing that army green shirt that reveals his mismatched arms, his muay thai-shorts revealing equally mismatched legs. Giving just enough of a hint of how thick and muscled his thighs are. David's eyes widen and he lowers his gaze.

 

”You're... uh. You're just going to hurt your hands if you go on like that,” Miller says. His hand still lingers. David nods and starts ripping off the gloves, no longer eager to see their reflections.

”I know, geez. It's just. There's. Stuff,” he grunts and puts the gloves back to their place on the shelf. Miller hasn't moved.

”I see. Why don't you come with me, David.” David fans himself with his hand and follows Miller out of the gym and into the hallway.

”Miller,” David tries. Miller grunts and leads him a one larger classroom where a group of people are currently stretching.

”Master Miller,” David tries again, quieter. Miller shoots him an indescribable look.

”Close the door, David.” Few of the students shoot curious looks at David but no better than to ask. Most don't care. What's another fresh-faced, sweaty person in their midst?

David does so and steps closer. Miller pulls him to the front.

”Today, I'll demonstrate a few ways to dodge punches. Now I know most of you already know a few,” that earns a few snickers and even Miller's lips twitch, ”but you can always use more. So come on, kiddo. Hit me.”

David blinks. Miller has turned towards him, taken some relaxed stance. With his glasses on, it's hard to tell his mood.

”What?”

”I said, hit me,” Miller repeats, slower. He beckons. David channels that echoing empty anger inside and obeys, swings his fist and-

 

winces in pain when Miller grabs his hand with ease, side-steps him entirely and twists his hand behind his back. Unable to enjoy the closeness of Miller's hard-lined body, David whimpers. Someone whispers: ”Ouch.” Miller lets go instantly, watching David intently behind his glasses as David rubs his arm.

So it goes for the next thirty or so minutes. David punches. Miller dodges. David attacks. Miller dodges. Not one scratch is on Miller but David's body is sure to be bruised. He's still rubbing his wrist by the time Miller ends the class and sends his students packing.

 

”No. You stay,” Miller says when David turns to join the others.

”Now what was that about?” David is panting, his shirt soaked with sweat. He wants a shower, wants to look in front of Miller. Not this tousled-haired, flushed-faced mess. Miller scoffs and goes to close the door. It clicks as it's locked.

”Your face looked so miserable I couldn't handle it,” Miller mutters and makes his way to David, who has frozen in place. His lips tingle. He thinks about Nathaniel and the text he didn't even answer. His heart goes thumping like a war drum. Miller's shoulders are so broad.

”Rude,” David manages.

 

Whatever he was going to say next gets stuck in his throat when Miller's hands press against him, prosthetic fingers on his chin, warm, live fingers against his chest. Miller wets his lips, clutches David's chin.

”Call me Miller in public,” Miller says. This close David sees his eyes clearer. They're faint, snow-white behind the dark lenses.

”What?” David doesn't squeak. He doesn't.

”But I'd like to hear master from your lips again, David.” Miller's hand is warm, fingertips calloused as they cup David's cheek. David forgets his father, forgets Eli's silent pain. Miller is touching him. Miller is looking at him. Miller's thumb is pressed against his lips.

 

”I-” David starts. Words are difficult when the object of your wet dreams is pressed against you. This close, David sees a few thin, almost invisible scars on Miller's face. Miller's thumb slips between his lips and David sighs, sucks on it. Keeps the eyecontact. Miller bites his lip, presses his thumb against David's tongue.

”I knew you would do whatever I said,” Miller murmurs. David lets out the breath he didn't even realize he was holding when Miller's hands withdraw from his body.

”I don't,” David starts. He reaches but Miller grabs his wrist, still staring at him.

 

”Would you get on your knees for me, David, if I asked?” Miller's voice has gone rough and quiet. Something is up but David's mind screeches pure arousal at him. David shivers, wraps his arms around himself. He nods. Resolutely doesn't think about Nathaniel. Doesn't think about Fox. Miller fills his vision, his other senses so completely. The eyecontact breaks when Miller turns his gaze away, his teeth chewing his lip.

”Go home, David.”

”What? You can't just-”

”I said go home.” David breaths hard, wets his own lips. Arousal tingles in his over-heated, over-worked body. The reality reminds him of its existence, reminds him of his scattered family.

”No. Just- fuck. No. Miller-”

”What did I say?” Miller still doesn't turn back towards him. David takes a step forward, steps in front of his teacher.

 

”Master. My- my Master.” David murmurs, clutches hard. Miller stares at him, lip bloody. David shifts, deliberately presses himself against Miller. There. Breath catching. A hint of uncertainty on Miller's face.

”Please.” David digs out his most pathetic tone, his eyes stinging again. He trails his hands over Miller's chest, feels the equal parts softness and hardness.

”At least kiss me. Don't leave me hanging.” Miller is stiff and still. David pushes against him, wonders if he has to take the initiative but then Miller grabs his waist and leans down. The kiss is a glorious smushing of their lips, tasting of iron and salt. David nibbles carefully on Miller's lip, groans when Miller counters it by pushing in with his tongue. David shivers, forgetting for a moment where he is and what has happened. That he's sweaty and tired and that he shouldn't be doing this. Miller kisses like he does everything else; with anger, forcefulness. David's groin stirs, his hips buckling against Miller's.

¨

 

Only then does the kiss break, Miller's fingers lingering on David's waistband.

”Get lost, boy,” Miller whispers, but David knows he's defeated.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the chap seems messier. two great people have died this week. 
> 
> fuck cancer.
> 
> rip alan rickman.
> 
> i'll leave tomorrow for a convention, so there won't be a new chap for a couple of days.


	12. I am not a good man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaay
> 
> con was pretty ok, bought some stuff. cold as fuck though. fuck finland and this winter.

Kaz closes his apartment door behind himself and lets himself slump down. The dogs swarm him instantly, he wraps his arms around Roscoe and presses his face against that soft, warm fur. Deep breath. Deep breath. Don't think about David's hopeful face, his hands on Kaz's chest. David is already chiseled and strong-featured despite being so young and Kaz is finding it harder and harder to resist.   
”I'm a grown man, I should know better,” Kaz murmurs against Roscoe's fur. Roscoe shifts, tries to decide if he wants to move to lick his melancholic master's face or stay still because that same master is still hugging him. So Roscoe deals with his dilemma the only way a dumb little pup can. By laying down and turning on his back. Kaz cracks a smile and rubs his belly. Roscoe's tongue flops out.   
”What a clown,” Kaz huffs. Roscoe's backleg thumps the air while he shifts to press his front paw towards his brothers. The other dogs sniffle around and push each other, one goes to press his cold nose against Kaz's ear. Kaz sighs, gives the dog a smooch.   
”Okay, no moping then. Come on guys, out you go.” He lets them to the yard. Leaves the door open just a crack.

His thoughts drift back to David, the boy's lips on his own. Kaz bites his lower lip, frowns. He had kissed men and women and people identifying as someone in-between. He had had eager partners, young and old partners, people who had been absolutely awful kissers but had whined deliciously against Kaz when he had taken control of the situation. There had even been a boy like David, young and not so in control of this emotions. Yet.

Kaz paces. Should he? Shouldn't he? Be the bigger man, he tells himself. Be a smart man. Be a responsible adult and don't ruin a promising young athlete's life. You were a person once who thought with their dick first and then their brain and look where that got you. Sans two limbs and rapidly going blind. Kaz paces. Drags fingers through his hair. Again and again and again. His mind goes back to David, to that hesitant nod that had told Kaz more than words ever could. The boy would do everything he told him to do.

”I am not that good of a person.” Saying it aloud doesn't make him feel any better. Nobody is around to judge his lack of morals or accept his non-apology but he still needs to say it.   
”David's not underage. David is the one who came to me.” Kaz bites his tongue, hides his face behind his hands. It always startles him: the difference in temperature between the hand that is and the hand that regularly gets called his cyborg-hand. David didn't seem to mind his prosthetics or his age or his too-long hair. David doesn't know everything about Kaz and frankly, Kaz doesn't want him to know.

Too bad he doesn't have the kid's number. Humming under his breath, Kaz goes first to his pot-stash and lights a joint. After a few inhales and exhales he digs out his phone. He does have a few friends in higher places so to say so perhaps. Just. Perhaps he might be in luck. The kid might think of him as a creep though, if he calls out of the blue. Kaz clicks his tongue, goes to his backdoor to watch his dogs play. Besides, nobody should know what he thinks of David- or David of him. Maybe this is his chance of a second chance- the kind he never got with Stephen. It will be a secret but Kaz is certain David will be keen on keeping it as such. If not from anyone else then at least his bratty brother.

After a moment of contemplation, Kaz does decide to call Croc. The school archiver, librarian and a regular jack-of-all-trades had earned his childish nickname from his affection towards Crocodile Dundee that he always insists to be a misunderstood masterpiece. Besides, nothing greater than finally holding Croc onto that promise of returning a favour Kaz had done for him during his first days at the school.

Croc is initially slightly suspicious but some intimidation and a few helpful reminders turn his head quickly enough. Not that it's that unusual for a teacher to try to find a student's number for this and that. Even during this day and age when most people use the e-mail. Kaz is not much of a typer anyway. He thanks Croc, his stomach tingling with excitement as he stares down at the number he had written down. One look at the clock tells him it's still early evening. No kid David's age is asleep yet or wasting their time at a bar. Kaz inhales. The sweet, sweet smoke fills his lungs, the sheer air he breathes and calms whatever morals that still keep screeching at him.

The boy wants it. Why not give it to him?

Kaz puts down the joint in the ashtray in the middle of his living-room table and taps the number. His dogs howl outside, bark at each other playfully. Kaz can still see their wagging tails. He closes his eyes and leans back on his couch, even puts his legs on top of the table. He waits, listens to how calm his heartbeats have gotten.   
_”Yeah?”_ There's noise at the background. Laughter. Eli's voice. David sounds bored. Kaz lets himself smile, has to press fingers to his mouth to feel how tight his lips have gotten. He rubs at a tiny scar at his jaw.

”David.” How many places and in how many ways he could say the kid's name, how many ways to whisper it to David's breathless mouth. David is quiet on the other end for a moment, then his voice drifts back. The background noise has gone muted.   
_”Oh. Teac- Miller.”_ Kaz still keeps his eyes closed. Replays the kiss. David's hands on him. His eyes on him, desperately needing recipropation.   
”What did I tell you earlier, David?” Say his name again. Wrap him around your little finger. Kaz wets his lips.

 _”You... you said quite a lot,”_ David murmurs, hesitant now. Yet he's not hanging up, not asking where Kaz got his number. Kaz's fingers on his chest curl.   
”David, I think I need to have a talk with you.” He brings out his best teacher-voice, that deep, slightly rough voice that had always gotten people either intimidated or aroused- sometimes both. David definitely sounds a little more hopeful when he speaks again:   
_”O-oh. Okay.”_  
”Come see me in my office on Monday. Preferably during lunch. You don't want to disappoint your teacher, do you?”   
_”Of- of course not. I'll come.”_ Hopeful. Kaz silences his consience. Silences his morals and the tiny voice inside of him that tells him it's wrong to manipulate this boy, to use David's admiration for release.

”Good. Be a good boy, David.” David's breath hitches. Kaz draws breath. Could it be that the kid likes this kind of thing; pet names, getting praise. What would happen if Kaz complimented him if David got on his knees. Would the kid smile? Even blush? Kaz's jaw tightens.   
_”Yeah. Y-yes.”_ Kaz opens his eyes, stares at the ceiling. I want to ruin him, he thinks.   
”Yes what?” He waits for David's response with bated breath. He won't repeat the mistakes he did with Stephen. He won't. He'll listen to David this time, let him end whatever he wants to start.   
_”Yes. Yes, Master Miller.”_  
”Good boy,” Kaz whispers and hangs up. He groans, lets the phone drop to the couch. Oh David, David, David. Kaz swears, shoves his hand down his pants to grab his dick.

Fucking David and his eager, beautiful face. If Kaz is honest with himself, he'd admit he'd been startled when he had first seen the boy face to face. His brother too, but David had more of that reserved, enchanting atmosphere that his wayward father had. And then he had opened his mouth and spoken. Kaz is not honest with himself, doesn't admit the strength of the desire that had shot up his body at first eye contact. To think that the boy actually recipropates- actually had done the first move.

Kaz fucks his fist, chews his lip and wishes it was David's.


	13. fever dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sexual tension gets resolved. Miller is a little too into the powerplay at hand.

”Who was it?”

”It- it was nobody,” David answers, swallowing hard. Fingers pressed on his pulse confirm what he already knew: his pulse is rapid, heart racing. _Good boy._ Heat shoots up his body. He hadn't been expecting to get a call from Miller of all people and definitely hadn't expected the roughness of Miller's voice. Or the words he had whispered. _Good boy._ David doesn't register at first that Meryl has sneaked up on him and flinches when her finger pokes his cheek.

”Wow, I didn't think anyone could blush this hard,” she says with an amused twist of her mouth and her eyes glinting. She's holding a beer bottle and is more than a little drunk. Her party continues behind them, the doors to the balcony open a crack.

 

David clears his throat.

”Shut up, Meryl. It's nothing.” Meryl hums thoughtfully and brings the bottle to her lips, taking a huge sip. David watches her, wonders why a pretty, clever, funny girl like her does nothing to him. He rubs a forming bruise on his bare arm, the rough feeling of Miller's fingers embedded in his skin. With a jolt he knows he wants those bruises on his hips.

 

”Sure. From what your dear brother has been telling, you only blush when spoken dirty to-”

”How the fuck would _Eli_ know-”

”So I guess that nobody had a few words for you.” David had never understood why girls always seemed to know everything. Even know, as Meryl sways a bit and her eyes can't quite focus, there's a terrible knowledgeable glint in her eye.

”You're missing your own party,” he tries. Meryl clicks her tongue.

”Your ears are pretty red too,” she says and leaves. David groans and hides his ears. Fucking Miller.

 

Surprisingly, Meryl doesn't ask more questions and ends the night by asking every one of her guests to spend the night. Her apartment is a little too tiny for ten people but they make do. It helps that her roommate is the infamous Wolf, the girl with incredibly low-cut shirts and an interesting accent. She refuses to use any name but Wolf. Eli hangs off her arm during the entire evening and falls asleep on her lap. It's rather adorable, really. David snaps a photo, gets his phone stolen and a few rather innocent photos taken of himself by one of Meryl's drunken friends. They urge him to send them to someone but he escapes before the situation can escalate. He hasn't drank anything himself, had figured someone needs to escort Eli home but now he wishes he had. Miller's words echo in his ears, bringing on the kind of heat that refuses to dissipate even when David takes a cold shower.

 

Suffice to say, he doesn't get much sleep.

 

”What's wrong with you? You're all pins and needles,” Eli whines for the third time when they leave the next day. Eli's sunglasses are ridiculous, his lion's mane whipping freely in the wind. His phone seems to be glued to his hand. He still hasn't noticed that David shared the photo of him sleeping on Facebook.

”Nothing's wrong,” David insists again. He's glad when the bus arrives. Maybe Eli's short attention span will make him forget his brother's twitching.

”You were talking with someone on the phone last night-”

”Just quit it, Eli,” David snaps. He bites his tongue when Eli's mouth twists. His brother had spent the entirety of Saturday-evening piss-drunk and had dodged every question about his parents skillfully. David knows the bad news hurt his twin a whole lot more than he lets on.

 

”I'm-”

”Be an asshole,” Eli scoffs and moves to the back of the bus. David follows with a deep sigh.

”Look, you know what I mean.” Eli stretches out his ridiculously long legs and doesn't answer instantly.

”I try to play the concerned brother for once and you snap off at me,” Eli mutters finally. David watches him. Despite being near-identical, Eli wears his mother and father's features with pride and arrogance David doesn't see the need to have.

”Sorry. It's just.. there's a thing.” Eli turns to him, even slips his glasses down his nose to give David a look. David shifts.

”A thing? As in, a person? It couldn't be a certain one-armed, one-legged-” David punches him in the arm. Eli flips him the middle finger but his shoulders have relaxed somewhat.

”Don't be rude about him,” David murmurs. Eli kicks him in the knee.

”Gross,” Eli says. What follows is a small squaffle, elbows in ribs and fingers twisting noses and Eli calling David some rather colourful names. David lets him, knows that the louder Eli is, the better it is. A sullen Eli is a broken Eli and David never wants to see him like that ever again.

 

Their Sunday is spent playing on their xbox. Eli beats David twice in Mortal Kombat, David counters by winning in one of their five car games and laughs at how stormy his brother's face gets. He cooks dinner. Eli makes tea. He looks like crap, a more shaggy-haired, wilder mirror image of David but David doesn't mind. He's breathed the same air for so long, been with his obnoxious brother so long that he could never hate him so much that he'd stop loving him. Sunday spent in such company is interrupted only a few times; by a call from Wolf and by a text from Miller. David clears his throat and tries to act like the words ( _Don't forget. Tomorrow at lunch.)_ are nothing. Eli doesn't wrestle his phone from him, only shoots him a look.

 

”Don't worry,” David says as the day starts heading towards the evening.

”I'm not worried,” Eli lies swiftly. He still initiates the hug, giving David a quick squeeze.

 

Wash their teeth. Find their pyjamas. Go to sleep. Eli snores and dreams about whatever rowdy boys his age dream about. David lays awake, arm thrown over his eyes. He wonders why Miller never takes off his glasses.

 

*

 

The same goddamn glasses are on Miller's face when David gets a glimpse of him when walking to his maths class on Monday-morning. David's palms are instantly sweaty, butterflies fluttering rapidly in his stomach at the sight of that tracksuit and messy ponytail. Miller is talking with Strangelove, both attractive, both with their mysterious glasses on. Strangelove smirks. Miller barks out a brief laughter and turns his head. David quickly vanishes from sight, heart thumping fast. He dodges any question about his heated face during the first lesson, keeps glancing at the wall clock and can't keep a hold of his calculations. Not when he doesn't know what Miller has in store for him. David keeps tugging at the round collar of his t-shirt, having nervously picked up the first thing that was relatively clean and loose and without holes.

 

”Why are you so twitchy?” Nathaniel leans closer, glancing at the blackboard. David still feels bad for never answering the other boy's text.

”It's.. it's. Ah. I'm sorry, Nate, I'm. Just. There's a thing.” Nathaniel's eyebrow climbs up. Neither David or Eli had told anyone about their father being in a coma, had not wanted anyone's pity. Yet Nathaniel looks suspicious.

 

David glances at the teacher.

”My.. uh. Me and Eli's dad. He's in a coma,” David blurts out under his breath. Nathaniel blinks, straightens in his seat.

”Damn. I'm sorry to hear that,” he says. David flashes a quick, uncertain smile at him.

”Don't be. He's a tough old bastard. Will probably wake up in a week and wonder where's his gun.” Nathaniel huffs.

”Probably.” He still gives David's shoulder a squeeze. David wants to apologize. Nathaniel is funny and adorable and David shouldn't have let Friday-night happen but he did.

 

The clock ticks towards Miller's office and lunch hour. David's knee shakes. The closer to his doom the clock gets, the less he can think about anything else. He pushes past his friends when the bell rings to signal the end of class, his bag hitting him in the legs. His heart sounds like a battle drum. His palms are so sweaty it's hard to keep a hold of anything.

 

_Good boy._

 

David swallows, ignores the snarl of hunger in his stomach. He knows the way to where most of the teacher's offices are and also knows most of them are shared. Maybe it's nothing, maybe Miller is just fucking with him, wants to knock him off his pedestal a bit. Yet. Yet. Miller had kissed him, had pressed their bodies together and David just knew he hadn't imagined it. He's not expecting a great romance, a love story for the ages but there had certainly been electricity. David's jaw tightens as he slows his fast walk, making his way in the hallway towards Miller's door. Maybe the man wasn't even there.

 

The door merely says Office 3. David knocks.

 

”Come on,” murmurs Miller's low rumble from the other side. David rubs his cheeks and steps in. He's been in the main staff room once when they had first come to the school but not in the teacher's offices so he doesn't know what to expect. Certainly not the organized chaos, the two desks face to face- the other one completely abandoned, the computer collecting dust- and Miller tapping away at his laptop. He isn't smiling as he puts down the cover and leans back. For a few seconds he just watches.

 

”Why don't you lock the door behind yourself, kiddo?”

 

David curses inwardly at his suddenly clumsy hands as he fiddles with the door. Miller doesn't bother to get up to help him. When David turns back, his teacher's lips have curled up.

”Good boy,” Miller whispers. David bites hard on his lip.

”I'm here,” he says.

”So I see.” Miller shifts, his legs wider apart. David's gaze drops down, then back up. Miller huffs.

”I asked you a question a couple of days ago. What was it?”

 

David wets his lips, lets his bag drop. He can feel how stiff and expectant every inch of him is. He's being scrutinized, he knows it.

”Do I .. uh.” David shifts his weight from one feet to other. Miller doesn't move.

”Go on, boy. Let me hear you say it.” His voice is so low. David's toes curl inside of his shoes.

”Do I,” he clears his throat. ”Do I want to get on my knees,” he finishes.

”Good boy,” Miller purrs, his hands on his chair's armrests. David bites back a whimper.

”Fuck,” he says.

”I'll indulge you since you see fit to lust after your own teacher, you dirty boy,” Miller continues, points towards the floor. David drops down before he even knows it, shifting closer. His face must be reddening every second.

 

”I don't.. it's not. It's not like it's a regular thing,” David tries.

”You being dirty?”

”I'm not-”

Miller beckons. David shifts closer, places his uncertain hands on Miller's knees, only moving them up to his thighs at Miller's insistence.

”Yet you still want to suck my dick,” Miller murmurs, his hand on David's hair, the other one unzipping his pants. David swallows hard, gazes up at him. He's struck speechless momentarily, the hardened, bitter lines of Miller's face beautiful to him.

”Or do you deny?” David opens his mouth to speak. Miller's fingers press against his lips to trace their shape. The feather-light touch is enough to send shivers down David's body.

”N-no.” Miller smiles.

”I'm glad to hear that, boy. Take it out.”

 

Miller's hands refuse to help, instead they drag through David's hair, tug and scratch and caress. David's hands tremble as he grabs Miller's waistband and tugs. Miller huffs as he raises his hips so the kid can have what he wants. David licks his lips, his eyes on the visible bulge in the black briefs. His skin rises to goosebumps in the places Miller's prosthetic fingers touch him.

”The clock is ticking, kiddo,” Miller whispers. He couldn't care less about missing lunch. This is better than any shitty schoolfood. David glances up at him, eyes bright. Miller huffs, wraps his hands gently around David's throat and kisses him on the lips, figuring that a little encouragement is enough to give the nudge. He doesn't expect the delightful, breathless whimper that David lets out.

 

”Suck it.” It comes out as a snarl.

”Y-yeah,” David says and leans, presses his face against Miller's bulge, traces the shape of it with his lips. Miller leans back again, closes his eyes. David inhales, body overheating from just the knowledge that this arousal is all because of him. That Miller wants him to do this. David closes his eyes and mouths at the bulge, finds the tip and gives it a few licks through the fabric. Miller's hips twitch. David takes a deep breath and yanks the waistband down, all the way under Miller's heavy balls.

”Fuck,” David groans and takes the long, curved erection in his hand.

 

”Do you like it?” Miller murmurs, fingers brushing through David's hair. David spits in his palm a couple of times and spreads the saliva on Miller's dick, answers by taking it in his mouth as quickly as he can. If he were anywhere else, if he didn't still think this was some fever dream, he'd take his time. But he wants to impress Miller, wants to make sure Miller wants him to do this again.

”Oh, kiddo, your mouth-” Miller purrs, his voice so warm it sends a surge of desire through David. David sucks his dick halfway in, then back out, licking at the tip. He keeps up a firm, steady rhythm with his hand, works his mouth and throat open. He doesn't stop to think, to say anything. He sucks deeper, then back again. Then deeper- yet Miller's dick is too long for him to properly deepthroat, a little too curved for it to not choke him to death. David huffs and instead picks up a pace that suits him, his hand and mouth meeting each other halfway.

 

”I knew you were a filthy boy from the first moment I saw you,” Miller groans, his voice vibrating with intense need. David flushes with pleasure at Miller's words but doesn't stop. He loves this, loves it when he can suck his partner until they're twitching and moaning and pulling his hair and coming down his throat. Maybe he should have considered a condom- maybe he should have considered a condom with Nathaniel- but Miller had spread his legs for him and David had obeyed. He sucks that dick like a man dying of thirst, groans when Miller tugs his hair. David pulls back, a string of saliva between his mouth and the tip of Miller's bulging erection. He looks up. Miller is gazing down at him, his eyes fierce behind his glasses.

 

”You're a real professional at sucking dick, aren't you?” Miller murmurs, rubs David's cheek, then his lips. David nods and takes Miller's thumb between his lips, gives it a suck. Miller reveals his teeth, shifts to guide his dick back to David's mouth.

”You're not even denying it. A dirty, dirty boy, David. Your master is very happy.” David is sweating, his own pants tenting desperately.

”I've always-” he murmurs, stares up and lets Miller's dick slide in and out on his outstretched tongue. ”-loved giving blowjobs.” Admitting it makes it even harder not to fuck his own fist but he manages somehow. Miller is smirking now, his mouth open.

”Oh, David.” He pushes his dick in, listens to David choke and gag. ”I'm glad to hear that. Why don't you spread your own legs a little so I can get my foot between them, okay?”

 

David's body is on autopilot, he sits a little wider on his knees and whimpers when Miller's foot pushes against his groin. With a curse, David lets the dick flop out of his mouth, panting for a moment against Miller's thigh. A hand tugs on his hair.

”Did I tell you to stop?”

”N-no. I just-”

”Continue.” David nods, eyes half-lidded.

”Pull my hair harder,” he murmurs and continues his duty. Miller chuckles. He pulls and tugs, pushes down with his foot and David moves his hips helplessly against it. It's by far not the most graceful of blowjobs or the cleanest ones but it sets David's insides ablaze. He moans as he comes in his pants, trying to swallow Miller's load but still gets most of it on his chin and cheeks, some of it dripping down to his thighs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :d


	14. old salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaz continues perving on David and Eva has no concept of different timezones.

”You've made a mess, kiddo,” Kaz leans back on his chair and wets his lips. He doesn't offer a helping hand to David who struggles to get back on his feet. The kid is flushed and bright-eyed, a stain spreading on his dark sweatpants. His knees are visibly shaking. Kaz watches as David opens his mouth and tries to wipe the white streaks from his chin and mouth. Kaz tucks himself back in his pants and zips up, standing up. David blinks, raises his gaze to his face instantly. This kid. This kid and his eagerness, the sheer strength of the life in him is almost too much to see. Kaz is glad for his glasses, at least they hide his eyes from David. David licks his lips, still breathing hard. Kaz wants to have him again and again and again.

 

He's knee-deep in trouble now because he can't resist.

 

”Can we-” David swallows, even raises his chin when Kaz trails his face with one cool finger.

”Can we do that again?” The kid's voice has gotten so rough. Only a blind person wouldn't realize what he had just done. Kaz can't take his eyes off David's face and from those parted lips. He trails them with his finger.

”I knew you were made for sucking dick the moment I saw you,” Kaz murmurs. He presses himself close, both hands gently curling around David's throat. David glances away, the line of his mouth turning stubborn. It's not like it's an insult.

 

”I like it,” David says, shivers when Kaz rubs his throat.

”I see.” Kaz knows his response comes a little late, because David has turned to look back at him, his cleaner hand reaching for Kaz's face. It drops when Kaz speaks again.

”But damn, kid- you're making me question the existence of my morals. I'm-” all the words said before his departure from the States come back to him. He could have gone to jail. ”-no good for you.” David frowns, which comes across rather comical with his stained pants and flushed cheeks.

”I don't give a damn,” he says, fingers fisting the front of Kaz's shirt.

”David-” but David is having none of it, he practically steps on Kaz's toes. ”A little late to be mourning the loss of your morals, isn't it? I just swallowed your cum and fucking liked it.”

 

Kaz is in such deep, deep shit. Damn David and his filthy mouth. Damn David and Kaz's inability to be the responsible adult in the situation.

 

Kaz's mouth twitches.

 

”You couldn't have picked anyone else?” He has to ask. What about that nice-looking friend of David's? The one with the easiest smile and ruffled hair. The jocky type that Kaz would have gone for if he were a high schooler. Not that he can claim any high ground after letting a high schooler swallow his load.

”There is nobody else,” David's expression holds confusion now, his grip doesn't lessen. ”And it's not like I'm asking for a relationship here-” David continues. Kaz doesn't know what goes through the kid's head at that moment but wonders about it, commits that shadow over David's face to memory. There had been someone else.

 

”You just want sex, is that it?” Kaz pushes. And pushes. He makes David take steps back until his back hits the door. David opens and closes his mouth.

”W-well, yes. Nothing wrong with that.” Kaz wonders who took David's virginity, who was the lucky bastard who got to hold David down and fuck him until nothing came out but broken moans.

”David,” Kaz rumbles and rubs David's cheeks, leans down to kiss them, purposefully keeping a little distance between their bodies. ”Kind of a slut, aren't you?” Any answer David would have given is drowned in a kiss, Kaz uncaring that he can taste his own semen; he had had his mouth in worse places, David open-mouthed and needy. His hips keep pushing forward but Kaz keeps evading, keeps his hands on David's body to prevent him from getting what he wants. He had intended to keep the kiss short but David squirms and says his name against his lips and really, could anyone truly blame Kaz for pushing his tongue against David's. The boy trembles against him, clearly holding himself back from returning the kiss too eagerly or making too much noise. What Kaz wouldn't give to be able to bend him over and fuck him until the echo of bad memories vanishes from Kaz's head.

 

He breaks the kiss and gives David's ass a squeeze, delighted to see how weak in the knees David has gotten.

”You're gonna be late for your class,” Kaz murmurs and moves to sit back down, tossing a packet of handkerchiefs to David.

”I don't-”

”Yes, you don't care. You're quite the reckless boy,” Kaz huffs and watches as David tries his best to wipe away any suspicious stains from his body.

”I just like sex,” David says and tosses the used, crumpled handkerchiefs to the trashbin.

”We're gonna have a little talk later, you and I,” Kaz huffs and turns back to his computer, opening the cover. ”I'm not going to fuck without some rules in place at first. Run along, kiddo.” David wavers, hesitates. He wants to say something, do something, such heat in his eyes that Kaz does wonder how does everyone else resist him. Maybe taking David with him to his next muay thai-class would be a fine idea. The kid was fast and strong and best of all, would be receptive to Kaz's advances.

 

”Okay,” is all David says as he goes, unlocks the door and vanishes into the hallway. Kaz glances after him and his shoulders slump. He's not sure if he should be worried that he doesn't exactly regret what just happened or that he's this easily seduced. It's David's fault really, for flaunting his young, supple body in his tight gym pants and tight t-shirts.

 

Maybe, just maybe Kaz feels a tiny bit of triumph over John if he fucks his son. Just imagining John's face if he found out- would he even care? Did he even know what kind of people his sons were growing up to be? As far as Kaz knew, John hadn't kept in much contact.

 

He spends the rest of the day with a smirk clinging to his face and most certainly doesn't keep a track of David's movements thoroughout the school. At least the boy will be smart enough not to go tattling on to his friends. Kaz doesn't call the jolt in his stomach jealousy when the kid from that night hangs onto David's arm and makes him laugh. David is no one's property, no matter how much Kaz wants him.

 

Just for his body. Just for his own vindictive desire to get back at his former flame. Just for another excuse Kaz can come up with. It's better than digging deeper into his own feelings.

 

*

 

Monday rolls into Tuesday. Kaz is woken up by his phone ringing, he snaps a brief, gruff 'what the fuck'. The anger disappears when he hears Eva's quiet voice. She always has softness to her, gentleness that still remains despite her hard life.

”Eva?” One quick look at the clock tells Kaz it's the early hours of the morning. So it has to be a morning to Eva or a day, Kaz can never quite keep track of where she's staying. Eva the world-traveller. One of Kaz's dogs raises its head sleepily.

 _'I should have called you on weekend but I was busy and to be honest, I didn't think you'd care. But I think you should know.'_ There's a history between Eva and Kaz, there's a history and experiences shared- as well as John, the one whose presence fills up the entire room. Kaz can never quite suppress a shiver if he smells a cigar anywhere.

 

”What's going on?” Kaz shifts, nudges his blanket off himself. He doesn't wear his prosthetics or underwear to bed generally so the cool air hitting his skin feels good. His eyesight is blurry and he barely sees the outline of his window and two of his dogs lounging with him on the bed. Eva rustles something and clears her throat.

” _It's about John.'_ Instantly Kaz feels colder. He squeezes his eyes closed.

”Eva, I haven't even seen him in years-”

 _'I know, I know. But. It's just. He got into an accident a few days ago and has been in a coma ever since. It's bad, Kaz. It's really, really bad.'_ Kaz flops back down on his pillows, wishes he wore his prosthetic so he could at least hide his eyes with his arm. Is this why David had been so desperate? Why Eli had been more rowdy? Kaz doesn't know exactly what kind of a relationship the boys have with their father or if there's a relationship at all but no kid at their age is unaffected by their father getting hurt. Nausea slithers through Kaz.

 

 _'Kaz? Are you there?'_ No one and nothing should make Eva sound so quiet.

”I'm here.”

_'I'm sorry- I just thought you should- I love him, Kaz. I love that grumpy old bastard and will love him for the rest of my life and you- I love you too. Despite what happened between you and John, I know he still-”_

”Eva, please. Don't... don't continue. Don't say anything. I'm sorry to hear about his accident but he really isn't my business anymore.” Kaz's jaw tightens. His eyes sting. He tries to think about David, the boy's intense yearning for him and feed on that, to feel wanted again.

 _'I know. I'm sorry, Kaz.'_ Kaz draws breath.

”You have nothing to apologize for. Thank you for telling me. And for your sake and the twins' sake I hope that-” biting back a more insulting name takes strength but somehow Kaz manages. ”- bastard wakes up. He's made enough people miserable in his life.” Yawn makes his jaw crack.

 

_'I hope so too. At least so I can kick his ass for making me worry and making the boys worry. They see him so little as it is. I should let you get back to sleep, you sound exhausted.'_

”It's kind of four in the morning,” Kaz murmurs, turning on his side.

_'Oh, fuck me, I didn't even realize- look, I've been running on nothing but coffee and adrenaline for the past week and my working hours have been absolute lunacy. I'm so, so sorry-”_

”Stop saying sorry.” This time Eva chuckles. Kaz smiles sleepily as well, already drifting back to sleep.

_'Good dreams. Call me whenever you want to, I'm always here.'_

”And 'm always here,” Kaz murmurs and is out like a light. The phone drops off his hand to the pillow. Eva's laughter can be heard before she disconnects the call.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, this is not becoming a bbkaz-fic. but i feel that I can't completely disregard Kaz and BB's canonically strong bond even in an AU- and the fact that Dave is very similar to daddy dearest. Genuine emotions to come from Kaz's side- maybe? when he stops being a pervert selfish dickface.


	15. getting there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some ground rules are set. David doesn't lose his bff.

Miller's door clicks close behind David. He counts to ten and draws breath. Just until his heart stops trying to hammer its way out of his chest.

”Oh, fuck.” Inhale, exhale. Calm down, David. He smacks his lips, tip of his tongue brushing over them, tasting salt. David heads straight for the closest toilet, trying to ignore the two underclassmen present and subtly stare at himself in the mirror. His lips look red, his hair ruffled but other than that, David sees no hint to what just went on. He sighs deeply. Walking with wet briefs on is incredibly uncomfortable but he still has a few hours left of his schoolday. He still tries to rub the stains and drying semen off his groin to the best of his abilities in a toilet-stall, biting hard on his lip as not to whine and not to rub too hard. Another erection would just spell trouble.

 

Embarrassing to come into his pants like some inexperienced child. He's a little lightheaded at how quickly Miller had gotten him under his thumb, knows on some level that he should probably be scared of yet another possessive, ferocious older man in his life but Miller is intriguing and handsome, he ignites David's curiousity in a way Fox never did. Something tells David that Miller wouldn't be against David's deeper needs too that Fox had brought up.

 

David tries not to think about how it would feel if Miller fingered him with his prosthetic fingers but doesn't quite manage.

”Your face is red, do you have a fever?” Is what he gets asked more than once. David clears his throat, shakes his head.

”It's kinda stuffy in here.” It's not an outright lie. The inside air at their school has never been the best, complained by both the faculty and the students. David is glad when his friends don't ask more questions and he can spend the rest of Monday in peace.

 

The knowledge of his father's condition and his mixed feelings towards Miller keep him awake through most of the night so when Tuesday rolls in, David wishes he was dead.

 

Eli makes fun of him and swiftly dodges the pillow David throws.

”Don't we have that test today? Get up, lazyass,” Eli shouts. David is annoyed to see how chipper his twin is this morning when he feels like a zombie freshly risen from the grave himself. He rubs his eyes, washes his face and drinks two cups of coffee while trying to look for something neat to wear.

”You know, brother dear, you don't dress like a slob lately. I'm almost not embarrassed to be related to you,” Eli says and pats him on the back when David tries to struggle with a toothbrush and a t-shirt at the same time. David lets out a garbled curseword and gets toothpaste on the collar of his shirt. Eli shrugs and is the first out of the door. Their mornings tend to be relatively brief and organized. Both brothers have their own way of doing things. Eli eats very little at breakfast, David can't survive on just coffee. There has to be cereal or berries or at least bread, otherwise he'll fall down and die before lunch.

 

Eli bangs the door when he goes. David sighs and goes to collect his phone. There are two texts. One's from Fox. David's jaw tightens. He told Fox not to contact him anymore. But it merely says: _'I am sorry to hear about your father. As you know, I owe him a great debt.'_ David hesitates but in the end only responds with a brief thank you for your concern. The other message, however- David's breath catches in his throat, he's distracted from the rest of his morning duties. It's from Miller. _'We need to have a talk about your future training. Come see me this afternoon at my office at 1500 hrs. Don't be late, kiddo.'_ David feels heat climbing up to his face. Future training? What the hell? Last time Miller had said they needed to talk, David had ended up sucking his dick with a ferocity that he still regrets. But only a little- especially since Miller hadn't seemed to mind it, no matter how tight the man's mouth had gotten when he had sent David away from his office. Miller's secrets aren't his to know. And if the man wants to do it again, then well. David isn't going to deny him that.

Besides, sex had always been one of the things he had done to get his mind off everything stressing him out. Upcoming competitions, the various sports he had tried out, the military school his father had wanted him to go to- just everything. Fucking around with girls and boys when he had been too young and then later on with Fox may have been inappropriate in the eyes of the law but those David doesn't regret.

 

His feelings towards Miller gravitate between delight, lust and confusion. Maybe he should push Miller away or report him but he knows it would be his own head on the line as well. Just imagining the look on his mother's face if she heard. Or if Eli heard.

 

He texts back an ok to Miller and makes his way to school.

 

*

 

Nathaniel had been a little distant with him lately but nothing some playfighting and namecalling won't handle and soon enough Nathaniel is hanging around him again. It only gets awkward when he pulls David to the side before their History-class and fidgets with his sleeve.

”Dave, I'm- I gotta say I'm sorry. I clearly misunderstood your interest in me and all.” David just blinks at him, then draws him into a careful hug, patting his back.

”It's not you who has to say sorry. I've been rude to you and I've let you on because you deserve better. So. I'm sorry I'm an ass.” Nathaniel flushes, gives him a little push.

”Shut up.”

'

David wraps his arm around Nathaniel's shoulders, ruffles his hair. Public displays of affection have gotten easier for him over the years when at some point he would refuse a simple handshake, much less a hug. Hanging around Eli and his varying circle of friends had certainly helped.

”So we're good?” He has to ask because Nathaniel was one of the first people to get to know him beyond his famous father. Because Nathaniel is a caring, adorable kid who genuinely deserves better than the chaos that is David.

”We're good, you goof,” Nathaniel huffs and elbows David's side.

 

They walk towards their class, nudging and playfully bumping into each other. David has a hard time swallowing when Nathaniel glances meaningfully at him.

”I noticed you vanished during lunch yesterday. Sneaking off with some one-day-stand?” David rubs his cheek.

”Shut up, you. I just wasn't hungry.” Not hungry for food, at least. Nathaniel makes a thoughtful noise and David pushes him.

”Shut up, Nate,” he groans but can't prevent a smile from breaking out at the way Nathaniel is smirking.

 

They banter even when they sit down in class. David almost forgets that he promised to show up by Miller's office at three and is half-way pulling his jacket on before he realizes.

”Oh shit.”

”What?” Eli is beside him, swaying on his feet. He's spent more and more time with David in the past few days, clearly in need of familiar company. David appreciates it, really, and loves Eli to death but now he wants to be rid of him.

”Ah, uh, I- I think I forgot my maths book in the classroom. You go ahead, I'll catch up with you later.” Eli narrows his eyes at him, his lion's mane as wild as ever but he shrugs.

”Okay then, party boy. Something's up with you lately and you're gonna tell me what it is.”

 

David's face twitches. It's easy to forget that Eli can see straight through him. After all, they had spent almost every living hour with each other from day one.

”Nothing's going on, you're paranoid. Go on, Eli. Don't miss me too much.” That does the trick and Eli sticks out his tongue at him and leaves.

 

David swallows. Excitement floods through him as he hangs his jacket on his arm and makes his way to the teachers' offices, glad that he wore dark pants again. If Miller wants to repeat yesterday, that is. David wets his lips and knocks.

”Come on in.”

There's Miller, hunched in front of his computer, tapping away. There's a crease between his brows, his glasses slipping off his nose. What little David can see of his eyes is intriguing. They look almost white.

”Sit down, David,” Miller says and points towards the only other chair in the room. David blinks and drags the chair closer, sits down on it.

”So, what's this about training?”

 

Miller's fingers stop on the keyboard. He straightens in his chair, lowers the laptop-cover but doesn't close it. He pushes his glasses back up his elegant nose.

”Are you serious about becoming an athlete? And don't ask me how I know, it's my business to know if anyone in my class genuinely likes the exercise.” David ignores the sinking feeling of disappointment when Miller's voice has nothing but professionalism in it. The man is a teacher first after all and not there to give into David's every fantasy.

”Of course I am. I'm especially into martial arts. I've trained in taekwondo, kickboxing and judo since I was knee-high. I've tried my hand in basketball, baseball, regular boxing, kendo. The list goes on.” Miller hums, turns his chair. His legs are stretched in front of him, the gleaming hint of metal always a startling comparison with his real leg.

 

”And you were quite good when I abruptly drew you in my muay thai-class,” Miller says, watching David intently. David doesn't fidget.

”That was kinda cool,” he says carefully.

”The thing is, David, I have the priviledge of being able to train certain individuals in the ways of martial arts at the gym. I am familiar with six of them due to my upbringing and past experiences and thus could offer you a wider range.” David blinks. Blinks again.

”Wider range? Train? You mean-”

 

Miller's mouth twitches. His smile seems sardonic.

”Believe it or not, I own half of that gym. So I can do whatever the hell I want. And yes, I have trained others and now I want to train you. Of course, if you're willing.” David wets his lips, tries to hold back excitement. One-on-one training? Just him and Miller alone in training hall.

”Fuck yes I'm willing,” David blurts out, bites hard on his tongue. Miller snorts.

”Oh, believe me. That I know,” he says and shifts so that his thighs are a little spread. Instantly David's gaze drops, then goes back up. Dammit.

”So when could we start? What would it cost me?”

”Slow down, daddy's boy,” Miller has raised an eyebrow, has made no other advantages except his flirty words. ”Maybe we first need to have one session and see where it leads us. Wouldn't cost you a penny because for one, you are already giving me something and second, did I mention my partner in that company lets me do whatever I want as long as I keep doing the best I can with my classes. But. One session. That's all I'm going to promise right now. But you have to promise me something in return.” David can feel and hear his own heart beating faster and faster. Excitement. A twinge of fear. Hell Master had earned his nickname as he had already seen from the PE classes.

 

Yet David's relationship with Fox had often been rough, their lovemaking bruising for both. He's not afraid of getting hurt. He's not afraid of Miller and his grouchy demeanour. What he's afraid of is his desire slipping into something bigger, fiercer. He doesn't want that. He just wants to get laid.

”Anything.” It's the best thing to say because Miller laughs then. It's a brief, rough laugh but it's genuine and David wants to see and hear it again. Miller's face goes serious even when a hint of smile remains.

”Promise me that you don't speak a peep about this to anyone. Not to your brother, not to your mother, not to your friends. You don't speak about your training with me and you especially don't speak about how much you liked sucking my dick.” David's face heats up. He did like it, that is the truth but Miller gets cocky about it, leans back on his chair and hides his eyes like David was below him.

 

”I won't. I'll get in trouble to,” David says and gets up. He stills when Miller gets up too, stepping close to him.

”I'm a little busy but don't worry. There's always time for a little something,” Miller purrs and nudges David towards the door, pushes him against it to kiss the living daylights out of him. The push and prod of his mouth is intense and wet, David's knees wobble dangerously when they part. Miller sits back down, dismisses him just like that. David groans.

”Damn you,” he says. Miller hums.

”Oh and kid?” David's hand on the doorhandle stills.

”Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope he wakes up.” David wets his lips, nods. Had mom told Miller? Why?

”I hope so too.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i gotta start figuring out how and when to stop this before this fic explodes too much lmao 
> 
> i'm a fan of open endings so prepare for that


	16. texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz thinks and gets a surprise text message from someone surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler-chap i' m sorry

The thing is, Kaz had made a lot of mistakes in his life. Joining forces with John when he had still carried the title of Big Boss. Fighting in wars that mattered little to him. Letting himself be seduced by Stephen, a minor.

Minor ones had only made his day a shitty one, bigger ones had stolen lives, emotions, broken his heart and taken two of his limbs. He hopes admitting to training David isn't one of the big ones. Already David is a lot more level-headed than Stephen ever was, more in control of himself. The way the kid lusts after him is certainly an egoboost but still. It's not like Kaz doesn't know that he's being immoral and irresponsible, that if his altercations with people thirty years younger than him ever came to light he'd have no place to go. It wouldn't matter that David is consenting fully. They'd just see Kaz as a manipulative man who ruined a promising athlete's life. It wouldn't come to that. They'd both get what they want and that's that. David would go on with his life after graduating and find someone nice to settle down with. Have a good career. Kaz would gladly fade away and drown in his own bitterness.

 

He had been young once, young and full of life and at the top of the world. Then he had met John.

 

Kaz sighs, paces around in his apartment. If he leaves now to the gym, he'll be too early and Paz will never live it down. Why did he even have to tell her that he'll be starting his one-on-one-training sessions again? She had an odd way of being charming and getting the truth out of him by batting her eyelashes. Paz was sweet, really but she is already reminding him to be nice to that 'poor kid'. If only she knew that David isn't someone to pitied by any means. The boy's headstrong and physically impressive, already growing out of his awkwardest teenage years and getting some real muscle. Really, the boy will grow up to be twice as handsome as his father and Big Boss had always turned heads- both men and women.

 

Kaz's desire for David throbs in his chest, a constant reminder of the futile moral struggle inside. While David's innocence and eagerness is enchanting, Kaz wants to see what would happen if David was wrecked- crushed under Kaz's boot and begging for release. Unless the kid was too proud to beg.

 

Kaz snorts. Nobody is too proud to beg and Kaz had made a long career out of breaking men and women's wills. He doesn't want to break David's will, just make the boy see that the world isn't a nice place. That he should settle for someone trustworthy, someone more his age. Not a war vet. Certainly not his father's ex.

 

Ah, here he goes again, thinking about John. He had burned all the bridges behind himself when he had left the States but still the man kept popping into his head like some stubborn pest, a stain Kaz couldn't scrub away. Fuck him. Fuck him and his mission. Kaz had a hold on John's pet boy and he would keep that hold as long as he could. Besides, it was already easy to see that David would never be as selfish as John. David was pure in ways Kaz had never been himself.

 

How much he wanted to stain that purity, fuck the boy into oblivion over his desk, in his gym, at his home.

 

In his bed.

 

The clock ticks slower and slower towards the right time to leave. It's best Kaz keep quiet about knowing about John's coma. David would have talked about it with him if he wanted to and since the boy had kept quiet- it didn't matter. John is in Kaz's past and in David's present. There's no connection.

 

”Come on, kids, your dad's leaving,” Kaz whistles and narrowly avoids being stomped to death by five eager huskies. Roscoe lets out a sorrowful howl when Kaz clings his carkeys and gets his jacket. The dog was too smart for its own good. Kaz gives it a kiss on top of its cold nose and gets a lick in return.

”Dumbass. Don't break anything. You don't want me to get mad, right?” He tells them to stay and all five do, sit down like a row of dog-statues and wag their tails. Kaz's insides feel warm as he makes his way to his car. He had made a good decision in getting his kids. They had helped him so much over the years and he loved all five of them like he would never love a human being.

 

Only in the car he checks his phone. There's one from David, the boy's nerves practically shining through the words. _'I might be running a little late from the lesson. There's a situation with my stupid twin.'_ Kaz snorts. 'Ok.' He thinks for a second, then adds: 'As I don't tolerate tardiness, be ready for a punishment.'

 

Whatever David answers or doesn't answer is pushed out of Kaz's head when he sees who sent the other text message.

_'Hi, Ben. Or is it just Kazuhira now? It's me, Nadine. Don't ask how I got your number, you know who I'm friends with. Anyway, I'm sure you're surprised to hear from me.'_

”That's an understatement,” Kaz huffs. Their breakup hadn't exactly been the most civil one. Most of it Kaz now regrets. Nadine hadn't deserved any of it.

_'But I'm actually coming to Europe next week with Cat and since you live in your city now, I thought.. maybe we could get together? Just as past friends, I guess. I know our break-up wasn't very mature or healthy to anyone involved but I found myself thinking of what are you up to lately. And Cat is curious too.'_

Kaz doubts it. They had parted ways when Catherine had still been in her diapers. He doubts she remembers her alcoholic so-called-father.

'Ok, maybe we should get together. Just throw me a time and I'll arrange my schedule,' he ends up answering. She sends back a smiley face. Taken a page right out of Eva's book, it seems. Kaz huffs and turns on the car.

 

For someone who hates long car rides or sitting still in general, the long trek from his home to the city center is always irritating but he manages to make it work. He listens to audio books, podcasts, music. Sometimes he even picks up those old cassettes from decades back and listens to them, letting the memories flood back into his brain and remind him of a past that should never be forgotten. Or the people who had died and should never be forgotten. But only sometimes, when he's feeling particularly good. Right now he puts on a horror podcast, letting the dark highway illustrate the sheer loneliness of being a human being in a big, unforgiving world.

 

Sometimes his car drives can almost be enjoyable but he's still glad when they end and he can park his convertible in the gym's parking lot. He even hums when he takes out his gym bag and makes his way inside.

”Getting ready for your torture session with the little snakeboy?” Paz greets him from behind her counter. She has a bright red bow in the midst of her wild blond curls. Kaz huffs.

”You look like a fourteen-year-old girl, Paz. And what snake?”

 

Paz blinks.

”You don't know that that kid has a tattoo? It's the cutest little snake on his back. It's the cuuutest!” She doesn't seem to care about the jab about her age. She's always liked that she looks ten years younger than she really is. Kaz rubs his nose.

”He has a tattoo?”

”He's gonna be your training dummy, you should know all you can about him. Him and I have had some nice chats lately,” Paz chirps and waves when Kaz starts to frown.

”I'm-”

”Bye, hell master!”

”Don't call me that!” Kaz yells back but she's already tugged on her earbuds. There's rarely anyone at this hour at the gym.

 

David had talked with Paz? About what? How often? As far as Kaz knew, the kid's gym hours were completely irregular and seemed to depend on his moods. Which obviously wasn't good if the kid was serious about an athlete's career.

 

Kaz lets it bother himself until he's changed clothes, then he tries his best to wipe it out of his head. It doesn't matter. What David did outside of school and the gym didn't matter. Kaz wasn't about to intrude his personal life. Kaz opens the door to his training hall and goes digging for two mats and some weights, his long hair still hanging open and his glasses pushed up his nose.

 

Someone clears their throat behind him.

 


	17. training is hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First lesson of many begins. Kaz is still a sad old creep and David gets the boner of his life.

David's nerves had been killing him all day. It's one thing to have a one-on-one training session, his previous ones had mostly been his father beating both him and Eli into shape. Eli had come out of it hating everything Big Boss stands for and David had come out oit- well, like he is. Certain that hatred wasn't the answer but still with a desire to escape their father's wishes.   
It's one thing to be mentored by such a father and another to be mentored by Hell Master himself. Not that Miller had been very hellish lately, he had almost been friendly. David wonders if he had seen a glimpse of what Miller is like on his own; just a lonely, sad old man who'd rather bite the world than let it caress himself. 

The man wasn't as tough as his reputation but he certainly had something he didn't want to share. That much was clear from his artificial limbs, from the way he never went too far and left David thirsting for more. 

How on earth David had ended up being late for their session was beyond him, Eli had flipped over something, fought with his girlfriend and demanded David stay as a peacemaker. David loves Eli because Eli is half of his soul but goddamn his brother could be a massive pain in the ass. At least Miller had seemed understanding about it, had sent a rather flirty text message back that had sent fierce butterflies fluttering in David's stomach. 

He tries to tell himself Miller isn't going to fuck him for no good reason or just to please him, clearly Miller is a whole lot more experienced than him and despite what had went on, probably didn't even want to go further than a blowjob. A blowjob was nothing. Going all the way would be just. David hides his face in the bus and sighs, bangs his head against the window. It should scare him how much Miller intimidates and arouses him but instead it just gives him excitement. He's never wanted anyone this bad- not even Fox. 

His mama would kill him if she ever found out. Thinking about Eva leads to thinking about John (prone and dying and old and not at all strong because John is a human being) and David grimaces, shakes his head. Forces himself to think about Miller, just Miller and everything the man represents. Maybe David's desire has a twinge of desperation in it, the need to forget his messy family life and his father who might not ever wake up. At least Miller wouldn't pester him about it. 

David half-runs, half-stumbles out of the bus when it finally stops, bursting inside the gym breathless. Paz giggles and waves at him from behind her counter and he flushes.  
”Go straight in hall seven, he's already in!” She yells after him. David waves his hand and makes his way to the dressing room. He throws on his gym clothes: sleeveless, loose shirt, check. Sweatpants, check. Shoes, check. His heart thumps loud, his palms are sweaty, his neck is sweaty. His face must be completely red. 

Hall seven's door is open so David steps in without knocking, pushing the door closed behind himself. He almost opens his mouth to call before hearing noise. Things being shoved. Things being moved. Tu-tum. Tu-tum. His goddamn heart sounds like a battledrum. David wets his lips and goes closer, finds Master Miller bent over something, his long hair free and a pair of glasses hanging from his belt. David clears his throat. 

Miller lets out the most undignified grumble and promptly hits his hand on something, turning around with a swear on his lips. It freezes there. David is rendered speechless because for the first time, he does see what Miller looks like without his ever-present glasses. The pair of eyes blinking at him from the dim light of the storage room are so pale they look almost white. 

”David,” Miller purrs. His mouth is tight but his body language is open. David blinks again, unable to break the eyecontact. If he thought of Master Miller as handsome before, then now certainly the man had become beautiful in his eyes. Those odd pale eyes gave the hard lines of his face a vulnerability that touched David deeply. Saying that aloud would probably earn him a black eye. Or a lack of sexual things and neither of those is something David wants. 

”Hi,” David manages, finally turns to look at what Miller had been searching for.   
”Good, you're here finally,” Miller says and gathers a few weights to his arms and nods at David to follow and carry the two mats. David wants to ask, the questions burning on his tongue. Had Miller's eyes been like that forever? What happened? Does he have problems with his vision? Is he gonna go blind? He has to bite down on his tongue to not ask any of them. Miller didn't seem to want anyone prying into his private life.

David drags the two mats to the hall and drops his water bottle to the side of one of them. Miller hums under his breath as he ties his ridiculously long hair into a ponytail and once again puts on those glasses. David is a little saddened to see those beautiful eyes hidden; it's like he had seen another glimpse of the real Miller. 

”So-” David starts but is quickly interrupted by Miller's gaze settling on him.  
”Down on the floor, boy. Gimme at least fourty push-ups or I don't want anything to do with you.” David opens his mouth. Miller's eyebrows climb upwards. A smirk tugs his lips. David's eyes widen and he nods hastily, dropping down on all fours. Fourty push-ups is nothing. He's used to training hard since he was ten but if this is how Miller starts, then David doesn't even want to think about how exhausted he will be by the end of the lesson. 

He focuses on getting in the right position and starting, counting quietly in his head. He sees the faint shadow of Miller's feet, hears the click of his prosthetic against the floor.   
”Good form, boy,” Miller murmurs. He circles around David, observes. David much feels like he's being stalked by a large, graceful cat. He rather likes the attention and Miller probably likes to watch his body too. It's not like David hadn't noticed that Miller had looked his way often during PE, barked a little less orders at his direction. 

”Thirty-nine,” David murmurs, squeezing his eyes closed. Is he really this out of shape?   
”Go on, David,” Miller purrs from somewhere above him.   
”Fourty,” David groans and flops down, turns on his back to draw breath. Miller's face hangs above him, the bright ceiling light illuminated his fair hair and his rather frightening smirk.   
”Good job, kiddo.” Miller pats his cheek then pulls away. ”That was your punishment for being late. I'm not a total slave-driver, you know. Now get off your ass and stretch. Then you're going to run a few rounds for warm-up. We'd do this outside but the weather is shitty and I'm not enough of an asshole to send a kid running there.” David nods, obeys hastily. He gets on the mat and sits crosslegged, instantly starting to stretch his arms and his legs, painfully aware how intensely Miller is watching him and doing the same sort of stretches except with the lazy casuality of someone with years of experience. Maybe David should have picked tighter clothes. 

David clears his throat and gets up, shaking each leg and jumping a few times up and down. Miller gets up as well.   
”We'll go on outside-runs later on. You good with going outside in the winter?” The question only gets a frown as an answer. Miller snorts and shifts, his hand moving so fast the slap on David's ass comes as a complete surprise. David's squeak is genuinely embarrassing.   
”Just fucking with you. I know you're a powerhouse, kiddo. Now go run a few rounds for Master, yes? Just around this hall. I wanna see your form.” David gathers himself, shoots an annoyed look at Miller who just shrugs and digs up a whistle. He blows on it and David starts running. 

Hall Seven is easily the largest in the gym, it has housed numerous sweatdrops and tears during its life and now it echoes with David's footsteps. Miller follows him with his gaze for a while, lets him run around the hall at least three times before blowing the whistle again.   
”No. Stop. Just stop.” David stops, not even out of breath. He shakes his legs again, trying to keep up the good feeling exercise generally brings out in him. Miller comes to him, shaking his head. 

”Do you happen to get an ache in your legs? Ever? While running?” David wets his lips.   
”Yeah?” Miller huffs.   
”Your posture is pretty fucked up. I don't know who taught you how to run but your upper body is not relaxed enough, your feet don't hit the ground in the right angle. At least your goddamn elbows are where they're supposed to be.”   
”My dad taught me,” David murmurs. 

Miller's face hardens instantly and he steps behind David. His hands grab David's arms, force them backwards, force his back into a straighter line.   
”Relax your upper body. Don't be distracted,” Miller murmurs, his breath hitting hot on David's neck. David takes a deep breath, every inch of his body suddenly alert.   
”It's a pain to watch you,” Miller huffs and he nudges at the back of David's knee with his foot.   
”Raise your legs properly, take longer steps. Go faster.” David swallows, his arm muscles tight in Miller's grip.   
”I-”   
”Did I ask you to talk? Shut up, kiddo,” Hell Master Miller barks and David's mouth clamps shut. Relax your upper body. How the hell would he be able to not care that Miller is watching when even the thought of Miller lit his blood on fire.   
”I will try,” David murmurs and winces when Miller presses their bodies together, breathes against David's neck.  
”You will do. You'll be a good boy and do what I say, yes?” David swallows, nods. Miller's flesh and blood hand travels down David's back to his sweatpants and lower to grab a handful of ass. David bites his lip.   
”Or I will have to spank your fuckable ass until you beg,” Miller murmurs and withdraws. 

David bites back a whine. Fuck this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me forever to write this because i was distracted by paper flower-making and cosplay-stuff and antm sry


	18. just give in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our dumbasses finally get down and dirty. Includes rimming and the improper use of gym mats. Also includes Kaz being a fuck-up at being a Morally Good Person and a Responsible Adult but we all knew he was a fucking hot mess anyway.

The kid runs. He didn't have as bad of a form as Kaz had made it sound like but it had been worth it for the look the kid had thrown at him. It's like Kaz had offended both him and his father. Kaz bites back a snicker, watches David run around the hall again and again, never missing a beat. Sweat had started to gather on the kid's skin.

Maybe Kaz should have brought lube and a couple of condoms. He hasn't stuck his dick inside anyone in ages, especially men and he misses it. Blowjobs were nice and all but the older Kaz had gotten, the less he cared about lounging in a bed like a teenager. Or women. He firmly keeps Nadine out of his mind for she is his past and nothing more. Why think about his ex-wife when he has David wrapped around his little finger? Really, the boy drops to his knees if Kaz so much as looks at the floor.

 

His hand had trembled when the kid had seen his eyes. Kaz hadn't meant for it to happen: he keeps the glasses on for two very good reasons and one of them certainly is that he doesn't want anyone to know. Yet the kid had just stared and gone redder and redder in the face. Like he had seen something incredible.

 

Ridiculous. Who would find these fucked up eyes any way beautiful. Maybe this naive, bright-eyed boy. Maybe.

 

Kaz clicks his tongue and blows his whistle. Instantly David slows down to a walk and comes next to him, stretching his legs. He's only slightly out of breath, his chapped lips parted. Oh, how much they would open up and let out the most entrancing moans if Kaz blew him. Or better yet, gave the kid a rimjob.

”Uh,” David starts. Kaz scoffs and asks:

”How do you feel?” David hops on his spot a few times, shakes his legs. He nods.

”Good,” David murmurs, rubs his neck. Few dark strands have gotten stuck on his temples. He can barely stand still, he keep swaying and shifting, nervous energy practically radiating off of him. Kaz might have made a mistake in accepting David as his student but maybe it will be worth it. If not for nothing else but to have David gasping under him.

 

It's not like it would be the first time Kaz had used the gym equipment for his own pleasure when he had been younger and more athletic.

 

”Some weights then. Twenty repeats in sets of three on those, then the same on those. Bicep curls first, vary between arms. Chop, chop!”

 

David hops to it. He's so obedient. Kaz watches as David picks up the first set of weights, starting to lift them. Of course, the first set of weights is only four kilos and nothing to a fit, well-trained young man but Kaz wants to see how far David can go and where to start on working on the boy. Silence stretches, Kaz lets his gaze drop up and down David's body. The kid licks his lips and stares ahead, focusing so intensely it's cute. This kind of exercise is probably nothing as the kids biceps barely seem to do any work.

 

”You know, why don't you let those weights go and. Take your shirt off.”

 

The kid blinks. Kaz crosses his arms.

 

”I didn't stutter, did I?” David swallows visibly and nods, gently placing the weights back on the floor. He dutifully tosses his shirt to the floor as well, his well-toned upper body bare. Kaz can see a few faint white lines telling off childhood accidents but otherwise the kid's skin is remarkably unmarked. He really needs to fix that.

”Continue on the heavier ones. Same exercise. Go on, kiddo,” Kaz purrs and steps closer. David nods again.

”Yes, sir.” Kaz circles around David, watches the muscles work, the skin strain. Kaz has always loved muscled men, had spent the longest moments of his life worshipping every inch of John's heavy-built body but John didn't have this brightness to have him. John wasn't David and had never been. David has such innocence to him that Kaz should find unattractive and ridiculous but something in him calls for the boy. Kaz stands behind David, listens how the boy breathes carefully in time with his lifts.

 

”Good,” Kaz murmurs and lifts a cold, cold prosthetic finger. He trails the knobs of David's spine and delights in the shiver it elicits.

”Go on,” Kaz pushes when David seems hesitant.

”Yes sir,” comes out a little more breathier. Kaz had jerked off to this, to the image of his own hand on David's skin and listening as David's breath starts becoming heavier and heavier. Kaz lets the chillness of his hand seep into David's skin as he continues to trail the lines of David's muscles and bones, admiring the utter self-control the boy shows in continuing his exercise.

 

”You have a very good body, David,” Kaz says and circles back to David's front. David has started to sweat, his chest rising and falling quicker. His eyes have gone wider.

”Mi-” Kaz raises an eyebrow. David swallows. ”Master, what is it you wish me to do?” Where had this kid crawled from because certainly not from the power couple of John and Eva. Such manners. God, but Kaz wants to wreck this kid until he cries.

 

”Put down the weights,” Kaz says. David nearly drops them, then he straightens.

”Tell me what you eat. If you're serious about this career, you need to start thinking about your diet,” Kaz continues in the conversational tone. David swallows again, shifts his feet. His skin has risen to goosebumps, his small, dark nipples hard. Kaz takes one of David's hands between his own and turns the arm, huffing at the beautiful lines of David's biceps.

 

”I had a trainer, you know,” David starts. Kaz grips his wrist.

”Sorry, but I did- and he's the one who told me what to eat if I wanted to become an athlete.” Kaz lets out a thoughtful sound under his breath. His fingers climb further up David's arm, all the way to his shoulder.

”And that is?” Kaz asks, fingers now trailing David's collarbone. David gulps.

”I- I- me and Eli both generally make omelettes for breakfast or smoothies. He hates them but I've kinda started to like them,” David stutters. His pulse is so rapid.

 

”And?” Kaz urges, reaching down to David's chest. He doesn't even try to squash the urge to pinch one hardened nipple. David squawks ungracefully, mouth hanging open.

”Jesus Christ, teach-” David starts, but shuts up when Kaz presses a finger on his mouth.

”A, a, a. It's _master_ to you,” Kaz reminds him. ”Oh, David-” his gaze had dropped down to David's groin, to the erection straining against underwear and sweatpants. David's jaw tightens.   
”With all due respect, fuck you, master,” David says. ”It's your fault.”

 

Kaz snorts, his forehead dropping against David's shoulder.

”Boy,” he breathes out, hand reaching for David's groin. He grabs David's bulge through his pants and massages. ”I'm jeopardizing my career and my life in Europe because you are making me really fucking horny. You better do every single thing I say,” Kaz shifts and bites David on the neck, shamelessly enjoying the whimper David lets out. From the feel of it, the boy is really hung. Of course, being John's kid he would be hung.

 

”It's not m-my, damn- fault,” David grumbles but he's already panting, already pushing against Kaz's hand.

”You seduced me, kid, deal with the consequences,” Kaz scoffs and withdraws, hands and all. How pathetic the kid looks, pants hanging lower on his hips, a red bitemark on his neck. Kaz wets his lips.

”Take off your pants and lay down on the mat. Touch yourself and I'll make you do fifty sets on the ten-kilo-weights,” Kaz says casually and walks off towards the door. He almost whistles as he locks it and makes sure nobody is outside.

 

He turns back and there the kid already is, pants kicked off, flopped down on the mat like a good little student. Kaz palms himself through his pants and can't help a smirk.

”You really know how to work a guy, huh, Dave?” He murmurs as he returns. David's chest rises and falls, his hands uncertain on his lower stomach. He really is fucking hung, his dick heavy and thick and making Kaz's mouth water.

 

”I admire you a lot, Master,” David says, the bright lights making his eyes shine. Kaz's mouth twitches.

”But you are a goddamn asshole,” David continues. Kaz snickers, gets on all fours on top of the kid.

”Bet you'd like to suck my dick again,” Kaz purrs, all pretense of this being anything but a hook-up gone. He does want to train the kid but maybe it's better to get some of the boiling sexual tension between them out of the way. David chews on his lip, whines when Kaz sticks a finger in his mouth.

”Yes,” comes out muffled, needy.

 

”Who thought you to be such a little incubus, Dave?” Kaz purrs huskily, loves the way David sucks on his finger, those desperate hands on Kaz's arms.

”M-my ex,” David hums. He tries to raise himself to his elbows when Kaz backs away, moves lower but Kaz gives him a meaningful push on the chest.

”I would have loved to be the one to turn you from a blushing virgin to this,” Kaz says and unceremoniously takes as much of the kid's huge dick in his mouth as he can. David lets out an interesting, strangled moan and slaps a hand on his mouth instantly, still remembering they're in a public place.

 

Instantly the corners of Kaz's mouth are straining, he hasn't sucked anyone's dick in such a long time and even at his prime, a dick like David's would take its time. Yet now that he's started, Kaz doesn't want to stop. He withdraws slowly, his mouth and hand and tongue still remembering what generally had worked the best for each of his male partners. Since they are sans lube, Kaz isn't going to be able to go farther than this but he'll still make the boy come.

 

”How-” Kaz withdraws to lick the tip, spits in his palm and wraps it around the base. David shivers.

”How did your ex suck you off?” Kaz has to ask, has to know. David's thights tremble on both sides of his head. Kaz shifts and bites the inside of one thigh, inhaling the sweet, delicious scent of David's arousal and sweat. David whimpers.

”He- ah, he- liked to, go very slow,” comes the shivering answer. Kaz chuckles.

”We don't have time for that, boy. You ever been rimmed?” This time David gets on his elbows, his eyes wide.

 

”No! I mean, yes! But please, master, please don't- I get-” How much redder can the kid's face become. Kaz grabs his thighs and makes a show out of licking David's dick. David's mouth hangs open. It's a near-thing that the kid doesn't start drooling.

”Loud. I get.. very loud,” David bites down on his lips. Kaz smirks. His own dick throbs painfully in his trousers. Why didn't he bring a condom. Why did he try to be the responsible adult when David did everything in his power to make him fuck him- Kaz should have just fucked the kid from the start and left it at that. Maybe the kid would have even gotten over him and pined over someone else.

”I enjoy loud, believe me. But I don't want everybody to hear so,” Kaz reaches for David's briefs and moves closer to David's head, pushes him back down.

”Bite on that. I'll make you do fifty push-ups if you fuck up anything, got that?” He knows how to use his best hellmaster-voice, the same low purr that had made first-graders piss their pants in fear and few of his earlier recruits cry about him to their mommies. Kaz hadn't give a shit. David nods and opens his mouth and accepts his make-shift gag that has to taste disgusting. Kaz pats his cheek.

”Good boy.” and slips back down.

 

It takes a bit of more arm strength than Kaz remembered but he gets David where he wants, his upper body supporting the rest of him, Kaz on his knees and his arms tight around David's thighs. He groans, presses his face to the underside of David's heavy, tight balls. Lets pre-cum drizzle from his untouched dick. Kaz doesn't speak anymore, can't speak when his tongue flicks out to taste David at his deepest, dirtiest and at his most arousing. Kaz breathes hard through his nose, burying his mouth between David's firm, round asscheeks, licks the puckered anus with firm, confident licks. David's body strains as he tries not to squirm but Kaz can hear every breathy, muffled moan and whimper the boy lets out. He's obviously had this done before, so easily and eagerly the kid's body responds. Kaz gets more confident, eats the boy out using every piece of experience he's gathered over the years, eager to hear what kind of sounds David lets out- even gagged as he is.

 

The body Kaz is holding has gotten rockhard, Kaz has to shift and get his hand around David's cock that has started to leak almost constantly. Kaz has closed his eyes and let out slow, needy growls himself as he tongue-fucks the boy to oblivion. He times his tongue with the strokes he gives with his hand and listens and feels how David's self-control slips further and further away.

 

”Ah, _ah-_ master, _p-please-_ ” David murmurs desperately, now writhing. Kaz withdraws, takes a huge gulp of air. His glasses had gotten fogged up. He says nothing as he lays the boy back down on the mat and gets on top of him, getting his own dick out. Kaz wastes no time in burying his face against David's neck and grinding their dicks together. David crumbles, his hands clawing at Kaz's shirt. His skin feels hot, tastes deliciously like sweat as Kaz licks a long line from his collarbone to his ear, nibbling on the lobe as he puts his hips to work. From experience Kaz knows to keep his prosthetic away from semen but his real hand has to work extra hard to be able to wrap at least half-way around both of their dicks.

”You're fucking adorable, David,” Kaz keeps murmuring, biting on David's collarbone. ”You turn me on so bad.” David answers by pushing his hips up and squirming, doing everything in his power to try not to scream and to get himself closer to coming.

 

And just some time ago Kaz had told himself he's tired of acting like a cat in heat- or a teenager in heat but here he is, grinding his dick against a teenager's dick like one of the aforementioned examples. He's such a goddamn fuck-up but it's worth it, it's gotta be worth it when David clings to him like he's dying and spills all over.

 

Kaz is going to have some very good dreams tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i googled some dumbbell exercises and i got things like this: https://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-04/8/17/imagebuzz/webdr15/anigif_optimized-12278-1428529289-4.gif 
> 
> i'm dead


	19. mother knows best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva and David have some mother-son-bonding time.

By the time David gets home, he's shaken off most of the excess heat in his body and indecent thoughts out of his head but his legs are shaking. He had just had sex with his teacher. He had just had sex with Hell Master Miller, mostly known for making people cry rather than having emotions whatsoever. But the man had been commanding, demanding, not at all like the ruthless army leader David had expected him to be.

 

And he had known how to use his mouth for other things than just yelling. David is glad to realize Eli isn't home so he can go straight to the bathroom to take a long, cold shower. He drops a bar of soap on his toes, then a shampoo-bottle and swears under his breath, lets the water rush through him and remove what remains of Miller's scent from his body. His lips tingle, bruised by the kiss Miller had given him at the end of their lesson, pushing David against the wall. David reaches behind himself, to his sore ass and between the cheeks, probes with a finger and flushes when a shiver runs through him. Miller had held him in that awkward, upwards position like it was nothing and nearly brought him to tears with a few swipes of his tongue. A couple of years ago David wouldn't have thought that he'd be into rimming but Fox had been good at convincing.

 

And now it seems that David will have another eager older man at his hands.

 

David gets out of the shower when his fingers start to resemble prunes and stills in front of the bathroom-mirror. He wipes the residue from it and blinks, staring wordless for a moment. Brown, messy hair that David pushes back from his face. Strong features. Bright, bright eyes. David tries smiling and wonders if Miller likes him like that. Smiling. Young. Able to face the Hellmaster with a head held high.

 

”Are you jerking off again! I gotta take a piss, come on, bro!” Eli's furious banging on the door jolts David out of his thoughts and he nearly bites his tongue.

”Fuck off!” He yells back but hastily grabs a pair of briefs and his towel, pushing his way out of the bathroom. Eli smells like smoke and sways a bit, obviously not at all sober.

”We have school tomorrow, you douche,” David huffs. Eli blinks at him, then flips him the middle finger. There's a lipstick-stain on his cheek. He doesn't even close the door as he stumbles inside the bathroom and unzips his pants. David lets out a disgusted noise and hastily withdraws from the scene.

 

Well, it's a blessing that Eli's not sober. Otherwise his way too sharp-eyed brother would have noticed the massive hickey David's sporting on his neck. For someone middle-aged, Miller had marked him like some horny teenager. David groans and buries himself in his wardrobe, grabbing the rattiest t-shirt he can find and loosest sweats. And he's supposed to be the horny teenager in the situation. The way Miller had pushed their hips together and attacked him had told David clearly enough that somebody hadn't gotten laid in a long time. It doesn't even cross David's mind that he's the one affecting Miller like that.

 

Maybe he should ask mom.

 

No. Just.. no. Eva would kill him. She had found out about him dating Fox and had bitten both David and Fox's heads off even when David had tried to say that it doesn't matter when Fox is the submissive one and that David was over the age of consent anyway- and besides, when had Eva ever cared about being their mom. It had been a low blow but it had worked. David had felt like shit afterwards though.

 

He doesn't want a repetition of that, no way.

 

He still sits down in front of his laptop and opens Skype, hoping that Eva is present at wherever she's currently staying at. David turns on the lamp and offers a smile when his mother's face flicks into view at his screen.

”Heyy, mom!” They used to have video chats all the time but it had lessened even when there had been need for those. Despite not being the most motherly of mothers, Eva had always had time for her babies. She looks tired now, her fair hair cropped short over her ears and making her look fresher, more like the seductress of her younger years when she had tied both women and men around her pinkie. She smiles but there's sadness in it. It's clear she's on her phone from the way the camera shakes just a bit.

” _Hey, honey,”_ she says, blowing him a kiss. David waves.

”What's up, mom?” To David, mom and Eva were sometimes two different beings altogether. Mom was the person who called him and Eli honey and sweetheart and sent dozens of souvenirs from all over the world and never forgot their birthdays. Eva was the persona she showed to the world, the temptation, the intelligence, the danger of her secret double-life. Yet both were still the same woman. She and John had parted ways pretty early in the twins' life but at least David still remembered faintly what it had been like. Not easy. Not always healthy but it had been emotional. He hadn't understood it then but he figures he's beginning to understand it now.

 

Eva's smile turns a little strained. Without words she turns her phone so David can see where she is. It's a hospital. David sees machines, tubes. A muscled arm hooked to those tubes. Grey hair on temples and needles feeding oxygen and nutrition to a body that doesn't know how to do it by itself anymore. There are bandages all over except the eyes. David can easily see the jagged scar running through the other one, a remnant from John's soldier-years. David's heart stops, breath catches in his throat. He had never seen his father that frail-looking.

 

The camera turns back to Eva.

” _I'm sorry, baby. I just.. don't much feel like words today. I'm also sorry I haven't called you two, I came here a couple of nights ago and barely have left the hospital. He's at least stable right now they say but still, not sure when he'll wake up. How are you, darling? How's Eli?”_ David wets his lips, turns to look. Eli stumbles somewhere in the kitchen, David can hear him opening the fridge and rummaging for something.

”The same as ever,” David murmurs, leaning on his palms. ”Both of us.” Should he tell? Should he tell when she's like this: tired and when John is like that, sleeping and so, so old. Eva settles her phone down on something as the picture stops shaking. Her eyes twinkle in sunlight. There's no such thing where David is.

 

” _Good to hear, sweetie. How's it going at school? You doing good?”_

”I'm fine. Eli's grades are kinda shitty-”

” _David, language.”_

”Mom, I'm not nine. Anyway, his grades are kinda bad but he's making it work. I think he's charmed one of our teachers. By what charm, I don't know,” David snarks and bites back more words he wants to say. He doesn't want another meltdown.

” _By that delightful Eli-charm, I'm sure,”_ Eva whispers softly. David snickers.

” _Nothing else going on? Like that hickey on your neck?”_ There is that mom-voice. That knowing, curious tone that David hates. He flushes and tugs the collar of his t-shirt upwards.

”Oh my f- god, mom. I'm not talking about about my... uh, escapades with you,” he huffs, tries to think of something else to talk about but there's nothing. Eva's laser-gaze is boring through him.

” _Honey, you know I just don't want you to repeat a situation like miss Hunter's brother,”_ she says after a moment. David keeps a hold of his collar and looks at her. Knows she's just concerned but hates the hypocricy. She's only worried when it suits her.

 

But she's his mother and he knows he's just being a child. If there's something Eva knows about, it's love- and Frank Jaeger hadn't exactly been one of David's brightest decisions. He wants to believe Miller to be different.

 

Like that they'll be able to keep this simple. Just a few hook-ups here and there, no relationship-drama. No crushes. Except David's palms sweat furiously near the man and his heart thumps but he tells himself it's just desire. It works like that, right?

” _Honey?”_ David clears his throat.

”Okay, so, okay. It's not like Frank. Not at all. And Frank wasn't as bad as you made it out to be anyway-”

” _He was in his late thirties, David. And you were barely seventeen. It was that bad.”_ She's frowning, her focus all on him. David squirms.

 

”Mom, I'm not talking about this again. Frank wasn't even interested in me because I was seventeen and half, thank you very much, he was interested because I was goddamn awesome,” he huffs, tries to make light of it, tries to deflect Eva's worry and suspicion.

” _David. Don't try to deflect me. What aren't you telling me?”_ David can feel his face heat up.

”There's someone, okay but it's nothing serious. It's really nothing. It's not a Frank Jaeger-situation. He's not-” he could bite his tongue in half and it wouldn't diffuse the situation.

 

Eva's eyebrows climb higher.

” _Please tell me it's at least someone your own age.”_ David has never, ever been able to lie to his mother. He shakes his head, thinks about Kazuhira fucking Miller and those pale, pale eyes. Who wouldn't be attracted to that man, really, could anyone truly blame David. Eva sighs, runs a hand through her hair.

”Look, mom, I know what you're about to say! But I swear on my life it's nothing like Frank. I don't – I don't even have a crush on him or anything-”

” _Oh, honey. Oh, maybe I made a mistake letting you and Eli go off by yourselves.”_

”You didn't, dad did,” David tries but Eva has gotten that stern look in her eyes. For a moment she's silent, then to David's surprise she smiles. A tired, but genuine smile.

” _Please tell me you're being careful. I'm not going to ask about this... guy but I'm going to order you as your mother to not go all the way without a condom. You can never be sure with men.”_

 

David groans and slaps his cheeks, rolling his eyes.

”Oh my god, mom-”

” _And call me whenever you want if you have trouble. Make sure this guy knows not to hurt my baby, alright? Don't fall in love, honey. I can't exactly tell you what to do anymore since you're nineteen and no longer live with neither of us but... you're my babyboy. I don't want you to get your heart broken and your life ruined.”_ David sighs, chews on his lip. Of course she's right and it's not like David hadn't had hesitant thoughts about trying to get into mister Miller's pants but he just can't resist when it's offered to him on a silver platter. And oh man, it had been worth it. Miller had managed to make him feel completely fucked without penetrating him even once. Fuck, thinking about Miller and their last meeting is certainly something he doesn't want to do when he's still Skyping with his mother.

 

”Uh, yeah. I don't plan on a relationship, mom. I know he could fuck up his life completely like, uh, Frank and I could be-” expelled, he wants to say but he really doesn't want to give her a clue that it's a teacher. ”-fucked up for life too. Everyone would make me seem like an abuse victim and it's not. Goddammit.” She looks at him with such love then, such gentle amusement that David hides his face behind his hands.

” _Whatever you do, sweetie, you know I love you. And believe it or not, your dumbass father does too.”_ She reaches for something beyond the screen and David wonders if she had taken John's hand.

”I'll be careful. Extremely careful. I promise,” David murmurs, never able to say no to Eva's face. Not when she looks at him like that, not when she still loves John even if John had never been capable of fully loving anyone. David would kill for that kind of a devotion.

 

Figuratively, that is.

 

” _Alright, honey. Is that Eli I hear?”_ David raises his head. Eli had apparently managed to take a quick shower and sober up somewhat since his hair is damp and he's dressed in his stupid wifebeater and Star Wars-sweatpants.

”Come on, it's mom.” David stands up and practically drags Eli to the computer. He grumbles but sits down anyway, his hard exterior melting. If anyone knew what a mama's boy Eli was, they'd get a punch to the nuts.

 

David sighs and goes to the kitchen. Better make some tea and contemplate on his life's choices.

Or answer the text message he just gets, phone buzzing on the table.

_Hope you're not thinking about bailing on the next lesson, kiddo. Bring your sweatjacket and outer shoes, the weather's looking nice tomorrow so we're gonna go for a run. I'd hate to have to punish you so don't be late. - M_

David bangs his forehead on the table. Going outside probably means just the thing: training. And here David was hoping to get kissed again.

 

Dammit. His little crush isn't looking so little anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should rename this fic "neverending story" because things just keep happening
> 
> at this point they'll never have the fiercely penetrative sex on Kaz's bed that i planned on ;_; (they'd have to keep the dogs outside, poor doggies)


	20. some things aren't for boys to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where Kaz creeps a little more and David is a Pavlovian dog.

Kaz should have been asleep hours ago since the clock ticks two in the morning- but he had had such nice dreams, had continued his hook-up with David in his sleep and woken up with a hard-on that refused to go away. So here he is now, squirming on his bed and fucking his hand. His eyes are tightly closed, his grip sloppy and his mind a buzz. The kid had been incredible, had been so responsive to Kaz's every touch that Kaz knows there's no going back anymore. He's hooked.

”Ff-fuck, David,” is groaned against his pillow. Two of his dogs had been sleeping in his bed, now they let out few mournful, sleepy growls and shift away, annoyed by the behaviour of their human father. Kaz dwells in that fuzzy place between being asleep and awake, the one where he can wrap his fantasies around himself and freely imagine David in his life and in his bed. Kaz bites hard on his lip and moves his hips harder, uncaring that his dick will be sore later on because he wants release, needs it with every fiber of his being. He keeps murmuring David's name, like a wish unfulfilled, imagining the boy's face under him and above him, all flushed cheeks and lithe, young muscles.

”David, Da- ah-” Finally the heat inside explodes and he pumps his dick dry, his tired hips twitching. He gives a squeeze to his balls and flops back down, sighing.

”Oh, David,” he huffs, opening his eyes. The ceiling is invisible. ”You're too cute for your own good.” With shaking thighs Kaz struggles to sit up then hop off the bed. He generally takes his clunky leg prosthetic off for sleep- not so much his hand, that generally stays on- so it takes some time to get to the bathroom with his unstained hand holding onto his cane. He tries to use the cane as little as possible out in the open: he's had enough of pitying stares to last a lifetime.

 

He washes his hand thoroughly, wipes away any stains and tugs his old, faded Kim Wilde-boxers back on. He limps back to his room, grimaces at the sight of the clock. Half past two in the morning. He's going to have to wake up at six. Another day with the kids and at this rate he'll be in no shape to go out running with David. The kid will probably be ecstatic if he does though, David has the same restless energy as Roscoe the dog, currently seeing his pleasant doggy dreams at the foot of Kaz's bed. Kaz rubs his ears, Roscoe lets out the cutest sleepy growl but barely blinks an eye. With a huff Kaz climbs back on the bed, his eyesight a blur. He's been postponing the visit to the eye doctor for ages, doesn't want to hear how he's getting closer to his eventual full-blindness. If it weren't for the moonlight and the faint nightlight he keeps at his nighttable, he wouldn't be able to stumble his way to his bathroom ever.

 

He snuggles against Snowy and breaths in the comforting earthy scent of his second eldest dog. Snowy the husky is a lot less rowdy than her brothers and sisters and she's been with Kaz since she was a teeny-tiny pup. So she barely moves when he sighs against her fur. If she could talk, she'd probably scold him. In dog-years, she's getting older than him.

 

Kaz drifts off to restless sleep from which he wakes up from with a pounding headache and a vicious storm cloud above his head.

 

His morning coffee doesn't help. He drinks an extra cup. No, bad mood still there. His leg prosthetic is getting worse but he hates wearing the more athletic one to school as it doesn't even remotely look like a real foot. Teenagers are worse with their questions and Kaz doesn't feel like dealing with them. He drops his coffee cup when his arm prosthetic gets an unexpected jolt. Roscoe throws up a piece of string on the living room carpet. It starts raining the second Kaz steps outside and of course his only umbrella is broken.

 

The cursewords Kaz lets out at the world are completely unprintable. His car refuses to budge and only starts when he punches the steering wheel. He's practically grinding his teeth together when he gets to the school parking lot, marching his way through the corridors to his office. What a joy it is to have his own office, even though it's barely more than a glorified cupboard. He tries to dry himself to the best of his abilities and re-tie his hair, hating how damp it stays. With a sneeze he steps out, not at all ready to face the day. Thankfully it's mostly paperwork and a couple of first-grade classes. He doesn't mean to make that pig-tailed girl cry but her face scrunches up and she starts sobbing anyway and Kaz feels worse.

”Look, all I'm saying is that if you want to be a professional gymnast, you need to at least try,” he grumbles.

”You're an asshole,” the girl sobs. Kaz's jaw clenches.

”She, uh, doesn't mean it,” the girl's friend tries. Everyone knows Hell Master. Nobody knows Kazuhira Miller.

”Just. Leave. Take care. Don't listen to a geezer like me,” Kaz murmurs and lets the class off. They chatter amongst themselves, clearly surprised that the infamous Hell Master hadn't given them all a spanking.

 

Kaz's leg prosthetic creaks and he sighs, testing its endurance against the floor. He really needs to have a chat with Emmerich soon. That is not a conversation he's looking forward to, the guy's gotten into his head that Kaz is out to get him- not entirely a lie- and pisses his pants everytime they make eyecontact but Emmerich also happens to be a genius. He's never answered Kaz's question about why he's teaching at an high school of all places when he could be at a lab somewhere creating walking tanks and all. Emmerich had just stammered something about family troubles and Kaz had left it at that. He's not interested in the nerd enough to pry.

 

Maybe he should cancel his run with David. The rain's not letting up and at this rate he'll snap at David and who knows what kind of a puppy-face the kid will show him then. Kaz doubts he'll cry though.

 

_Today's not happening. I've got too much to do, I'm in a shit mood and the weather's awful. We'll reschedule._

 

He'd been looking forward to it. Apparently so had David because the kid answers lightning-fast, Kaz's phone buzzing barely a blink of an eye later.

 

_That's too bad, teach. Tmrw? It's weekend and I was gonna go to the gym anyway._

 

Goddammit, but the kid is truly too cute for his own good. Kaz wants to put the gym equipment to good use.

 

_Come by my office after your last lesson. We'll make a proper schedule._

 

Which they should have done earlier on but Kaz had been too excited to get the boy under his wing. This is so pathetic. He'd better not tell anyone; he'd either get punched or laughed at or made a pariah of – who knows, he already is one, the crazy, bitter old man in his lonely cabin- and Kaz wants none of those things.

 

_K :) :) :) - David_

 

That kid. Who was he to send so many goddamn smiley faces and who was Kaz to let his treacherous mouth smile at them. He sighs deeply and limps back to his office, delving himself into his paperwork. He generally hates it, especially when his prosthetics are acting up but today he welcomes the black on white-hell with pleasure. At least it moves his thoughts away from his shitty morning, from Nadine's impending arrival, from the knowledge that his feelings for the kid had begun to deepen and that John, thorn of his life, was still in a coma instead dead in the ground or kicked to the curb. That man deserved worse.

 

Kaz punches the computer keys with more force than necessary. Answers e-mails. Replies to e-mails. Answers a phonecall and replies to Cécile that he has plans for the weekend. She promises to watch his dogs and Kaz wonders again why it couldn't be her. She was stubborn and kind and determined, would never let him get the better hand and loved all kinds of animals more than she often loved other humans and had such a nice, lithe body. Yet she did nothing for him these days, every fantasy consisted of nothing but David. David smiling. David stretching. David running. David laughing under him, urging him to continue.

 

Kaz curses and gets up, locks his office and marches towards the caféteria. Maybe a piece of cake and a coffee mug would make him feel better even though his stomach had started to get a little bit flabby. It wasn't easy to keep himself in top shape with two of his limbs missing and his fiftieth decade closer than ever. He was allowed to indulge, dammit.

 

He nearly takes a doubletake when he sees the teachers' corner filled with the chattiest of them all alongside the quietest of them all: Amanda and Stef, deep in conversation. Amanda's accented voice carries over the noise of caféteria and with a sigh Kaz makes his way to them.

”Ladies,” he says. If he were twenty years younger. Women had fallen over his feet then and he had loved them. Then he had fallen in love.

 

”Mister Miller,” Amanda says.

”Miller,” Stef says. The quiet melancholy around her remains, her words slow and few as ever. Her silence had often made people wonder if she was slow but Kaz knew she wasn't. She was quick-witted and could be funny, had sharp reflexes, a smoking body and could sing like an angel. And also wasn't interested in anyone that way. At all as Kaz had found out in his first days at this school. The goddamn woman had laughed at him. Nobody could blame him for trying though, Stef was beautiful.

 

Kaz gathers what little food he feels like eating and sits beside them.

”Don't you look merry today,” Amanda remarks, clinging her spoon against her cappuccino-mug. The ever-present cigar-scent around her reminds Kaz painfully of John.

”Shitty day,” Kaz replies and shoves a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth, not eager to talk.

”You've looked quite happy for the past few days,” Stef murmurs. She's eating nothing, had apparently eaten nothing. Kaz had never seen her eat.

 

”I haven't.” Kaz frowns. Had he been obvious? Having David around him had made him happy. Knowing that someone was that eager to please and bend over for him would make anyone happy.

”You have,” Amanda purrs, takes a long sip of her cappuccino, letting out a pleased hum as its warmth hits her throat. Kaz blinks, chews. He skewers his chicken breast in half.

”I've had... some.. good stuff,” he manages to say, shoves the other half in his mouth before more questions can be shoved at him. The ladies throw meaningful looks at each other. Really, when had Amanda started to hang out with Stef.

 

”Well, I hope your good stuff keeps being around. I get sick of your dark cloud hanging over everyone all day,” Amanda says in her usual blunt way and drinks her coffee. Kaz scoffs.

”No need to be around me,” he tries but Amanda just shrugs.

”And besides, you look way more handsome when you don't drown yourself in negativity, Hell Master,” she says with a hint of a smirk and claps Kaz's back hard. He chokes, throws a half-hearted glare at her direction. She waves at him. Stef chuckles.

”Dwelling in sadness is not worth it, Kazuhira,” Stef says. Her words remain unanswered. Kaz's jaw clenches.

”Don't call me Kazuhira,” he says to the empty table.

What a pathetic excuse for an adult he is.

 

He eats the rest of his lunch in relative peace, doesn't eavesdrop on the conversations of his fellow teachers. He sees a glimpse of David coming to the caféteria with his schoolmates, that redheaded girl hanging onto his arm, clearly telling a funny story because David throws his head back in laughter. Kaz's heart thumps. He takes away his plate and utensils and quickly makes his way to his office. It means nothing. He only wants David for his body, not for his mind.

 

Still, Kaz takes a moment to breathe in the solitude of his office, to run his hands over his face. The kid's a transfer and is on his last year so it will only be like half a year before his high school will be over. It won't matter. The kid probably wouldn't even want to be with such a skeewed old man like Kaz afterwards, clearly had no lack of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes after him. Yet still the doubt remains. All Kaz knows is that whatever and however it is, he wants David.

 

”I'm so fucked,” Kaz tells his computer. The computer beeps half-heartedly as it opens. He answers e-mails. He puts on an 80s playlist. Nods his head to Billy Idol and uselessly hopes that he was younger, that he could go back and redo all his bad decisions. Say no to John. Say yes to Nadine. Say no to army recruiters. Never let go of his mother's hand. Force his way back into his father's favour. Never give into Stephen's temptation. Stay with Nadine and stay Catherine's father.

 

Never meet David.

 

”Fuck me,” Kaz whispers. He had long since stopped hoping he could turn back time, he doesn't need to have those thoughts again. Not now. Not ever. A knock on the door stills him. Is it that time already? Had he daydreamed for hours?

”Teach?”

It's David. Hopeful, delightful David. Kaz tells him to come in and take a seat. The boy fidgets, clearly nervous. His jacket is on his lap, his backbag on the floor. Kaz lets himself watch David for a second, to linger on the tousled brown hair and the lips David keeps chewing.

 

”Your schoolday's already over then? It's barely one,” Kaz says instead of a greeting and turns back to his laptop. He opens up Excel.

”Yeah,” comes the kid's answer. ”We didn't have much today. And chem-teacher is sick so those classes got cancelled. I'm not sad about that, I fuc- shit, whoops- hate Chem.”

”Kiddo, I'm not about to blush at some swear words,” Kaz huffs. Amused. He's glad for the brightening of the kid's eyes. ”Anyhow. Have you given a thought of what you want us to do? What exactly do you want to become good at? You're pretty damn athletic already.”

 

David fidgets. Looks away, then back at Kaz. That laser-focus is the exact same one as in his father but David softens it with a smile.

”I told you. Martial arts. Triathlon. Marathon. I want to do everything. You must know stuff better than anyone else- well, almost, sorry- and I can't afford a personal trainer and-”

”Slow down. I get you. But that's pretty broad,” Kaz turns back to the kid, leans back on his chair. He doesn't imagine the slight drop of David's gaze. So easy.

¨

”I know Han Moo Doo. I have a green belt in it,” the boy finally says. Kaz nods.

”I can do that. I'm a black belt.” Black belt that he earned sixteen years ago and had since discarded but the kid didn't need to know that. ”Muay thai is more my thing.”

”Those shorts are pretty short,” David slips and bites his lip. Kaz snorts.

”What's this, shyness from you? You have great legs, kid,” he says, raises an eyebrow when the kid flushes, clearly pleased with the compliment.

”B-but I also want to keep up with basic muscle training, you know? You have.. your arm.. is in good shape and I figured you knew your stuff,” David clears his throat and eyes Kaz's arm, now hidden underneath a ratty sweater. Why did he choose this one, if David didn't think of him as a hobo already he certainly did now.

”I certainly do know my stuff. Okay, I'm gonna make us a plan and a schedule. We'll try at least three times a week, okay?” Back to the computer it is, his fingers tapping the keys with more force than necessary.

 

”Anytime is fine,” David lets out, breathless. Kaz's heart thumps. Louder than necessary. His palm is sweating. He wets his lips.

”You don't have any.. extracurricular activities?” It's just a question but it comes out slightly lower, slightly darker than necessary. The boy clears his throat. Kaz glances at him. His cheeks are red.

”N-no. I only go to the gym on Saturdays and Sundays.” Cute. So cute. Kaz wants to stain him. His fingers twitch. Now that he knows how the boy tastes like, he just wants more.

”Alright.”

 

David's chair scrapes the floor.

”That's all?” Ah, the sweet sound of disappointment that the boy barely tries to hide. Kaz can't help a smirk. He stands up and pulls the kid close, licks his way through those bitten lips and delights in the shiver that runs through David. The boy kisses back, tongue insistent and lips slightly scratchy but sweet. It's only when David whimpers that Kaz breaks the kiss, licking his lips. He flicks the kid's forehead.

”Off you go, kid. No matter how good you taste, I've got work to do.” David goes deliciously pink.

”Asshole,” he murmurs.

 

Kaz slaps him in the ass.

 


	21. need-to-know basis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli is traumatized. Friends are too curious. Kaz is a pervert.

” _Are you a bad boy?” Slap. Slap. Slap. A palm hits the round asscheeks again, the skin reddening, trembling. David tries his hardest to stay still but it's hard when his dick is leaking, pressed against Master Miller's thigh. He's sprawled over his master's lap, face hidden in a pillow, moaning as Miller massages his ass and slaps it again. His master has leaned low enough for the long blonde strands to tickle David's back._

” _Yesss-” David groans when Miller slips a slicked finger between the blushing asscheeks and into the waiting hole._

” _Daddy can't wait to fuck you, baby,” Miller murmurs, sticking another finger in. David can't get any redder, he whimpers. He's never been this oversensitive, this-_

”David, what the fuck?” David wakes as he hits the floor, banging his head against the side of his bed.

 

He groans, stumbles as he tries to sit down only to realize his briefs are soaking wet, his erection proudly tenting the fabric. Eli is staring at him from the other bed with a grimace of disgust, clearly holding another pillow and ready to throw in case it's needed.

”Did I-”

”You could have your Miller-related sex dreams elsewhere, you fucking perv,” Eli throws the pillow anyway. David lets it hits himself and flushes red, dragging the sheet up and rather uselessly covering himself with it.

”How did you-”

”You were moaning his name. Oh, Miller, Master Miller-” Eli makes a mockery out of David's voice, an eerie similarity in it that makes David throw a pillow at his twin's face and escape the room.

 

That was goddamn embarrassing. He only returns to fetch a new pair of underwear and his cellphone- Eli has already shuffled his way back under the covers, clearly plugging his ears in case of another wet dream. David notices the clock is barely five in the morning and he's tired and so painfully hard it takes a struggle to get his briefs to co-operate. Before he yanks them down, however, he snaps a picture through the mirror, making sure his face isn't showing. Fucking Miller. Perhaps if David were more awake, he would realize sending a half-naked picture- as he isn't wearing a shirt either- with a visible erection isn't a good way to have vengeance on his cybernetic mentor. Now it seems like a good idea.

He sends the picture with the caption: _i dreamed of u and traumatized eli for life lol_ and takes off his briefs.

 

He locks the bathroom door and starts to jerk himself off, stuffing his fist into his mouth in an attempt to not traumatize his twin any further. Eyes squeezed closed, his hand's movement sloppy, he brings back the dream. _Baby,_ dream-Miller had murmured, had squeezed his ass like he couldn't get enough. David bites back a swear as he brushes his thumb over the slit, keeping up the rolling motion to force more pre-cum out. If Miller asked- or didn't ask, David would gladly lay on his lap and be spanked. Be Miller's bad boy. He thinks of all the filthy names Miller would call him, the filthy words the man would speak in his ear, how slowly the man would fuck him before increasing his pace. David squirms on the toilet seat, trying his hardest to keep his noises at bay even if he reminds himself of Miller's dick and how good it was; how perfectly curved, nicely thick and how easy it had been to coax those salty white liquid pearls out of its tip.

 

David increases his pace and lets his mind drift in Miller-related fantasies, in all the ways Miller could take him- maybe Miller would let himself be the bottom at once. David bites through his lip to prevent a moan from breaking out, his entire body shaking as he drives himself closer to the climax. Miller has an amazing body for someone his age and his ass is hard, it would feel so good to grab it and drive himself between them. Balls-deep into Miller and hear and see the older man groan and writhe under him.

David spills his load with a muffled cry, forcing himself to slow his strokes to pump his dick dry. There's a huge hum in his ears and he barely registers his phone buzzing. He stands up, cleans himself, puts on a new pair of underwear and opens his phone.

 

 _Good boys are asleep at this hour. But you aren't a very good boy, are you, baby?_ David's skin rises to goosebumps. What he had just done gives him a jolt of excitement, of adrenaline.

 _Eli threw a pillow at me and woke me, u can't blame me for wanting to be rid of my erection, it was painful_ he taps back, hesitating only for a second before pressing send.

 

He's already in bed, clutching his phone and blinking blearily at the darkened screen when Miller answers.

_You are a dangerous addiction, David. Go to sleep. Dream of me more._

David closes his eyes and smiles.

 

X

 

”Oh my god. Oh. My. God.”

Why David had thought that telling his friends about his night had been a good idea, he doesn't know. He doesn't tell what Miller said- or that Miller even answered but the looks on their faces are enough.

”Shut up, already.”

 

They're sitting at the usual hangout of all students in this town: a café filled with sunlight and cheery smiles. David has Nathaniel, Meryl and a couple of her friends around him, all in various stages of amusement. Only Meryl is frowning.

”It's kinda skeevy that he texts you,” she says.

”Oh, shut it, Mer,” her friend- Rosa? Rose?- says, nudging her arm. ”You're the one who dreamed of Mister Harrison for weeks after he moved away.” The tips of Meryl's ears go pink.

”Shut up, Ros, that was different!” David sips his coffee, glad that the attention is at least off him for a second.

”How was it different? Besides, you were like sixteen and he was at least fifty-” ”But at least he was handsome, Miller's robo-limbs creep me out-”

”That's rude, Meryl,” David says, uncomfortable knots in his stomach. ”He's ex-army, it's not like he had a choice in losing his limbs.”

 

”I know, but still- and why does he even wear those glasses all the time?”

”His eyes are light-sensitive and his vision's super bad, I think, his eyes are kinda pretty-” David says automatically. Then bites his tongue. Hides his face.

”Oh my god,” says Nathaniel amiably and pats his back. ”Somebody has a crush.”

”He's like- fifty!” Meryl's other friend Nina exclaims.

”But he is pretty ripped. I saw him training the track team and he had only the thinnest shirt on,” Ros says dreamily.

”Oh my god,” says Meryl. ”Dave, what the hell. Is this a thing? Is this your thing? Older dudes? Weird old dudes with awful hair and creepy robotic limbs?” David groans, tries to become one with his coffee-mug. It doesn't work and all attention is still on him. He doesn't know which feels worse: the knowledge that he sucked Nathaniel and that Nathaniel doesn't seem to find this conversation funny or that Meryl thinks his relations with Miller are disgusting. They just don't know Miller. The man could be funny and heartaching. He's a secret that David wants to know, through and through.

”It's a.. thing. It's a thing, okay and now leave me alone.”

”But you still send a goddamn sext at him,” Ros says, giggling.

”I hit my head! I had the best wet dream ever and I was so – uh, out of it and it just seemed like a good idea-” David stammers, murmurs a sorry to the compassionately smiling Nathaniel and empties his mug.

”Poor Eli. He must have scrubbed his eyes with bleach,” Nina says.

”We were literally born at the same time. I've seen him naked, he's seen me naked. Like goddamn, I've had to deal with his millions of girlfriends more than once,” David huffs. His friends glance at each other.

”Twincest,” Ros whispers to Nina who makes a fake shocked gasp and the two explode into giggles. David flips them the middle finger even though the word they said might just as well been in foreign language.

”I can't believe you sexted Mister Miller,” Meryl says, skewering the remaining piece of her sweet cake and shoving it into her mouth.

”Can we shut up about it already,” David grunts, rubbing his heated cheeks. He'll explode at this rate.

”Must have been a pretty hot picture,” Nathaniel murmurs and elbows him in the ribs. David elbows him back. They had talked about this but still he sometimes feels like he's leading Nate on. Even when he knows Nathaniel has put the moves on Ronnie Merkel from another class. Nathaniel was sweet, sure, but he wasn't intriguing.

 

David spends a pretty nice moment with his friends after they stop pestering him about the sext. He had had the most awful morning, had checked his messages and realized what he had done- and worst of all, how little Miller seemed to care. The dream lingers in David's head and he blushes, tugs up his scarf to protect from the wind. He departs from his friends in good spirits.

 

_Gym @ 8. Do make it, David. Bring your usual clothes. Hall seven. Don't be late. - M_

 

Excitement boils up inside David and he speeds up, heading for home. _I_ He'll be damned if he's late again so better be early. Maybe Miller will be happy with him. He should eavesdrop on another one of Miller's classes, the man had had such amazing form and strength that David can't help but admire the way Miller moves. Even with his prosthetics. David wants to touch them more, touch the place where flesh connects to metal and kiss every single scar. He wants to see Miller naked, not just his dick or his admittedly nice muscled thighs. Maybe he should bring a condom. Just in case.

 

David spends the afternoon as a restless ball of energy, bounces around so much that Eli finally barges out of the apartment, claiming that David is driving him up the wall. It's Eli who has been driving David up the wall ever since they found out about their father's coma but David doesn't say it. He'd rather not get punched by his volatile brother so instead he lets Eli rage. Momentarily David thinks about calling his mother but decides against it. He might end up telling her that he's at a sexting-phase with is almost-fuckbuddy and she might not approve of it- not that Eva gets to say anything since she's done everything and everyone and still has a queue of suitors. Still. She's a mother and she gets a say.

 

David bites back the need to call her and instead prepares for the evening. He snatches up a couple of Eli's condoms from his twin's not that secret stash and puts them in his wallet. He makes sure his hair is in a good shape and slicked back, just a bit to show off his features more. He takes one of his most nicest t-shirts, the one that's tight enough and black enough.

”I'm not going on a date, Jesus Christ,” he groans at the mirror, embarrassing himself once more. Still, he gathers himself and his clothes and heads for the gym. He wonders how many meetings he has to go through before he can ask to be let into Miller's home but probably not on the second one. He refuses to call it a date, especially if Miller has taken his hellmaster-persona with him.

 

The wet ground sloshes under his boots, his bag thrown over his shoulder. So much for slicking back his hair as it starts raining before he manages to get inside the gym. It's not the girl, Paz, behind the counter this time but an athletic-looking boy.

”Hey there!” He greets, a customer service-smile on his face. David offers a faint one in return.

”Uh, I'm David. I'm here for Kazuhira Miller's lesson in hall seven, he should have left-”

”It's right here. I've heard a lot about you from Paz, David. Hope Mister Miller isn't too rough on you, he can be pretty intimidating,” the kid says. David shrugs.

”He's fine.” He waves his hand at the boy who hopes he has a good lesson. If only the boy knew.

 

David hums as he changes his trousers to his loose gym-shorts. It's a little chilly with them but he'd love to see Miller's face like this. David splashes cold water on his face, takes his water bottle and makes his way through the corridors towards hall seven. Maybe it's fate or just a coincidence or David's mind playing tricks but Miller's already there, having dragged some equipment to the middle and is bent over some kind of a rack. It's got something to do with artistic gymnastics, it's got two hoops sticking out of it. David wets his lips, lets his gaze appreciate Miller's well-fitting pants and closes the door behind himself.

 

”Good evening, David,” Miller says and straightens, turns around. He's wearing his smirk like a winner's badge.

”On the mat then, off you go. Stretches first. Chop, chop.” He's in an oddly good mood. He demonstrates better stretches, shows admirable flexibility at his age. David tries his hardest not to think about last night's dream but it's rough. It's very rough when Miller doesn't stop smirking. David is certain he won't hear the end of it soon.

”Miller, I-”

”No talking, Davey. Now get up and gimme fourty push-ups, chop chop.” Miller stands up smoothly and doesn't wait for David. David feels clumsy as he gets into position and starts doing his push-ups. One, two, three, four. Five, six, seven. He counts in his head. Miller chuckles above him.

 

”Imagine my surprise when I wake up in the middle of the night and find that I had gotten an interesting message,” Miller murmurs. David stills. Miller's foot presses on his back.

”Down, boy.” This time it's an order, a command that David can't refuse. He swallows hard and continues.

”I could barely contain myself. This boy, this boy had sent me such a picture. I wish he hadn't hidden his face, I wonder what kind of a lustful face that little slut would have showed me,” Miller purrs. His foot remains on David's back. David groans, face heating up. He loves it when Miller talks like that, heat and heaviness settling on his stomach and groin.

”But this kid has such a nice cock,” Miller says nonchalantly. His foot slides further down to David's ass, then between them to push against David's groin. David falters and nearly falls.

”Miller-” he whines, counting getting closer to fourty.

”You made me very happy, David. Do send me more photos if you wish, I appreciate such a nice gift.”

 

Miller withdraws completely and David can finish his push-ups.

”Fourty sit-up then. That's not too much for you, is it?” Miller says, giving David a nudge. David nods, glancing up at Miller. That damned smirk makes David's groin twitch. He does his sit-ups. He does his laps. He does each and every single thing Miller orders him to do, even tries his hand on the weird gymnastics-apparatus and holds back any complaints on how badly his arms start to ache. He even appreciates the moves Miller teaches him of Han Moo Doo, their sparring ending with David on the floor more often than not but he figures he should have begun training one-on-one earlier on. Being in a group had always been more distracting.

 

The clock ticks forward when he's having a nice time. Miller makes a few quips about the photo and David flushes, still woefully ashamed of such profound shamelessness.

”I didn't know what came over me. I don't... do that,” David huffs as he stretches his arms, his skin sweaty and sticky, his sex-crazed mind calmed down from the exercise. Miller barely looks out of breath even though he had done almost everything David had done too. There's a bruise forming at his jaw.

”Do what? Send sex-messages? Isn't that what you kids do nowadays?” Miller takes a long sip from his bottle and David grumbles, flopping on his back on the mat, closing his eyes.

”Stop acting like you're a fossill, Master Miller,” he says, takes a deep breath. Miller shuffles closer to him.

”You don't know how old I am, do you?” The question comes a little closer than David expected. He doesn't open his eyes to see, only yanks off his shirt as an invite. And sure enough, hot metallic fingers come down to brush his muscles.

 

”You're old,” David says, shrugging. He knows Miller's somewhere in his fourties but the exact age- well, he hadn't ever really cared to know and he tells Miller exactly that. David's nipple is pinched and he yelps, sitting up. Miller is crouching beside him, his glasses on top of his head.

”And you're very young, my boy,” Miller says, the smile remaining but now David sees it leaves his pale eyes cold and humourless.

”I'm not that young,” David insists, reaches. Miller grabs his hand.

”I used to have morals, you know,” Miller says and doesn't let go. He instead pulls David's hand to his lips and kisses it, chuckling when David yanks his hand back.

”I thought you came out of the womb a perverted old man,” David says quietly, his heart thump, thump, thumping at the quiet intimacy that had settled on their training.

 

”Maybe I did,” Miller says and gets up, stretches himself to his full height. ”We should call it a day, kiddo. You look exhausted.” David blinks.

”That's it?” He blurts out. Miller snorts, doesn't help him up.

”Look, I appreciate your eagerness but you'll get bored of me faster if I give you everything at once, right?” Miller mutters and pulls David against himself. ”Even though the sight of you in those shorts makes me... _swell_ ,” he grabs a handful of David's ass, ”with happiness.”

”You turn me on so bad,” David blurts out again, biting on his lip.

”A-a-a,” Miller scolds him, slips a finger between David's lips. ”Stop biting on them, they won't feel so good around my dick if they're too chapped.”

 

David bites gently on Miller's finger, cheeks burning. Miller slaps his ass in revenge.

”Why don't you tell me what your dream was about, David?” Miller murmurs, hovers teasingly close for a kiss but avoids it, instead goes to David's neck. David swallows, pushing his hips forward. His dick has woken up, straining against his pants.

”It was- it's embarrassing, I'm not gonna tell- nnh!” Miller had bitten his shoulder, started to suck it like some kind of a fucked up vampire and his hand had sneaked between their bodies to grab David's bulge.

”Oh, fuck you,” David groans. Miller squeezes

”That's no way to talk to your master, my boy,” his words come out hot and puffed against David's sweaty skin, Miller's teeth breaking it and drawing blood.

 

”It's just- you were-” who the fuck calls anyone _daddy_ and what kind of a person David is to find that hot ”-you were spanking me.” David wraps his arms tighter around Miller, pushes against that hand.

”Oh- _ho~_? What else?” Miller is sucking another patch of skin, this time a lot more sensitive spot that makes David shiver.

”You- y-you fingered me and I was on your lap-”

”Oh, punished like a bad boy,” Miller murmurs and withdraws from David's neck, grinning at him. David gasps when Miller slips a hand under the layers of fabric and grabs his dick. David pushes. Miller squeezes.

”Did I call you a bad boy in that dream?” Miller licks his lips. David reaches but Miller avoids the kiss again.

”Yeah,” David's jaw clenches.

”Nah, you're not bad. You're a very, very nice boy with a very, very bad man,” Miller purrs and now, _now_ he finally kisses David, deep and long and sinful and everything David wants.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the neverending story continues lmao


	22. you're a fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sexting. Which is the teenager: Kaz or David? Nobody knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a plotty chapter but then phone sex happened

At the end of that last meeting, Kaz had had a good time teasing David. He had ordered the boy to lift weights, to spar with him, to show him some Han Moo Doo-moves and had definitely not missed the way the boy's eyes gleamed with delight. Holy shit. If David had a masochist-thing in him then Kaz was truly a lost case. He'd never let the kid go at this rate. He sucks the kid off- sadly, with a condom this time- and sends him home with quivering legs and swear words that the kid can't quite say. Kaz snaps a picture with his phone of David's flushed face and lets out his first genuine laugh in a long time at the kid's attempts to get it.

”Don't worry, kiddo, it's only for my own use.” Now that had gotten David to shut up. Kaz gets a childish photo just before going to bed: David is sticking out his tongue at the camera but he's shirtless so Kaz saves it.

 

He does have a nice dream where David is buried dick-deep inside him, desperate for praise of his performance. Kaz can't quite get himself to be angry at waking up with an erection at that. His Sunday is spent at ease with his dogs, watching shitty reality tv-reruns and getting buzzed out of his mind. He smokes some pot, drinks too many beers and then gets the bright idea to send David a picture. Kaz has a day off on Monday so he figures he can do whatever he wants until late night

.

”No, get off, your daddy has some things to do,” Kaz grunts and pushes Roscoe off him. The dog whines, banging its tail against the couch but does as it's told. Kaz gives its fluffy ears a rub and smiles when the dog barks happily and joins his brothers and sisters. Kaz takes his phone and his fantasies with him to the bathroom and strips off the shirt. The kid had seemed to like his prosthetics so Kaz lets the arm show.

 

”Let's see how much you like this,” Kaz huffs and pushes his pants down to his knees, revealing his flaccid dick. Kaz coats his hand in lube and starts stroking, imagining the softness of David's mouth, the absolutely lovely sounds that mouth makes. Stroking with his prosthetic is probably a bad idea but Kaz is drunk and needy and he wants David. He wants David so badly. Kaz swallows hard, brings up the feeling of David's round ass, how it had tasted when he had rimmed him until the kid had almost been in tears. His dick rises up, curves up proudly, ready to serve. He rubs the tip until a white drop appears and then snaps a photo that shows nothing but his hand around his swollen, reddened dick, his stained hand and the trail of fine, fair hair leading to it.

He adds the caption _thought about you, Davey and look what happens_ and sends it.

 

As expected, David's answers comes soon. _Jfc master_ whatever that means. But it sounds delightful. On a whim Kaz seats himself on the toilet seat and calls David, presses the phone as close to his ear as possible while stroking himself lazily with his other hand. David answers after one ring, sounding breathless.

” _Eli's in here, can you not-”_

”You didn't have to answer, baby,” Kaz murmurs, his breath hitching. David is quiet, clearly shifting as Kaz hears the rustle of clothing.

 

” _Don't call me that,”_ David mutters but Kaz merely grins.

”But you like every nickname I give you, Davey,” he says, closing his eyes. He lets out a soft moan.

” _Oh my god, are you, are you really, wait a sec-”_ Kaz chuckles and listens for the rustle of cloth, of David clearly moving somewhere else. There's noise in the background. A TV? _”Thank God Eli is watching his shitty films in ear-blowing volume,”_ David whispers quietly and definitely more husky than a moment before.

 

Kaz licks his lips.

”I'm stroking myself right now,” he purrs, listens for David's hitch of breath. The unmistakable sound of a zipper being unzipped.

” _That picture.. it was- you know how odd it is to be so turned on when my brother is in the room,”_ David might grumble but he lets out a tiny wince that sets Kaz's blood on fire.

”I had a good idea just now, my sweet, sweet boy,” Kaz continues to talk, dreamily, hazily. The alcohol, the drug blurs his head. It's like it's only him and David in the world, in a warm bubble where there's nothing to worry about.

 

” _Are you drunk? Are you drunk-dialling me? Master Miller is drunk-dialing me, oh my fuck-”_ David groans, that trembling, delectable sound that makes Kaz shiver. He strokes his own length and spreads the drops of pre-cum on it, reaches his tightened balls and starts fondling them. He should urge David to suck on them next.

”I had a few beers, Davey. Don't worry about that, just take yourself in hand, will you? Do it for your Master.” Dirty talk had been one of Kaz's favourite things in having sex, he had always spoken what was in his mind, had had himself called all the nicknames in the world and loved every second.

” _I- I can't believe I'm doing this with Eli in the other room, but- uh, yeah.”_

”Good boy. Have I told you enough what a good boy you are, David?” This time David definitely gasps. Kaz keeps his eyes closed, keeps licking his lips. ”My dick is rock-hard because of you, it feels so good to stroke myself,” he murmurs, listens to David whine.

” _Eli's gonna kick my ass,”_ David grunts.

 

Kaz chuckles.

” _B-but yeah, I'm- I'm stroking myself. I, fuck, master, I want you to suck me.”_ It comes out so needy, so utterly delicious that Kaz moans, rubs himself harder. He tugs his phone against his ear and uses both hands.

”You have a gorgeous dick, David. One day we're going to fuck and I'm going to milk that fucking delicious cock to the last,” his hips twitch up, again and again, ”goddamn drop-” his words have become a growl. David is letting out muffled moans, clearly trying not to let Eli hear too much.

 

” _I'm s-so hard, Master, so hard, I want to come on your face,”_ David is spluttering now, his words tumbling over each other. Kaz lets out a breathy chuckle, fucks his own fist. His phone threatens to slip.

”I'd let you come in my ass, baby, I'd love to take that dick,” he purrs and gets closer and closer to his climax with each murmured word and moan David lets out.

” _Oh my, oh fuck, that's so hot, t-that's- oh shit, ah-”_

”Are you closer, David? Tell me.” The command hits home as David speaks next, clearly struggling through his words.

 

” _It's hard to keep a proper rhythm, nnh, w-when I just- am I doing good, Master? My dick is really hard, it's leaking, my hand's smeared with semen.”_ Kaz listens to David panting, trying to hold back his moans and the unmistakable sounds of masturbation.

”What an image, Davey, sweet David,” Kaz purrs. ”Send me a picture when you're done. Now get yourself to climax, call my name. ” The last words he whispers, makes sure his voice is as low and rumbly as possible. David moans this time, low and open. Kaz can imagine it, David's lips parted and his cheeks flushed, his dick sliding between his fingers.

 

”Imagine you're in my bed, Davey, your legs spread and me fucking your delicious ass,” Kaz murmurs, figuring David needs some encouragement. The kid lets out an adorable, stranged sound. Kaz keeps on stroking his own dick, panting hard. Spots are beginning to dance behind his eyelids.

” _Yes, yeah- yeah, yes-”_

”I'm closer too, David, I want to fuck you so bad.” That's the last straw for both, David brings himself to climax and lets out a delightful, muffled cry. Kaz nearly drops his phone but manages to hold on, pumping his cock until it stops twitching.

 

He grabs a towel and keeps a hold of his phone with that, not eager to stain a new phone with semen. He listens to David breathing for a moment before he takes a deep breath.

”Thank you for that, David, it's always a pleasure to hear you come.” David groans.

” _F-fuck,”_ is all the kid says. He's one of those students Kaz doesn't really hear cursing in his class so he's pleasantly surprised by this overflow, happy to know he's the one bringing this out in David.

”Do send me a picture of the afterglow, kiddo.” Kaz hangs up, puts the phone on the floor before he starts cleaning himself. The phone buzzes but Kaz doesn't look at it just yet. Not until he's changed into a new pair of boxers and washed his hands thoroughly.

 

David did send him a picture. It's taken from an odd angle and at an obviously bad bathroom light but it's enough. There's David with his shirt rucked up to his armpits, his dick and balls hanging heavy between his legs. White stripes have been thrown on David's abs and the hand holding up his shirt. _U gonna get me in trouble_ is what the message says. Kaz can't care about anything else right now. _Just wait until I fuck you on my bed, my sweet, naive boy._ He sends back. David fires back with an emoji sticking out its tongue. Kaz huffs. Kid is still a kid, no matter how hot they are. The rest of the evening is spent in the peace Kaz loves, unbothered by any outside influence.

 

Only when he wakes up abruptly at three o'clock in the morning, he remembers that Nadine is arriving to town in a couple of days. Suffice to say, Kaz doesn't get much sleep afterwards.

 

*

 

Monday is an unnecessary, nondescriptive day. David doesn't send any messages. They didn't schedule anything for Monday so Kaz stays mostly at home too. He cancels their Tuesday-training when Nadine sends a message that she hopes Kaz meets her in the evening after work. Tuesday appears to be a lovely sunny autumn-day, all dead and crunchy leaves and bold, bright orange colours. Kaz hates it immensely.

 

”Am I making a mistake?”

” _Why exactly are you telling me this, Kazuhira?”_ Cécile sounds bored as usual but Kaz knows it's mostly a cover. Mostly.

”You've known me the longest,” Kaz shrugs. Like it was obvious. Cécile huffs.

” _I know you're a screw-up as they say,”_ she says bluntly. Kaz doesn't even try to defend himself. He nods.

”No need to tell me that.”

” _What's this? You're actually acknowledging the fact that every single one of your relationships have gone to crap since I've known you, including me?”_ When the lady gets snarky, she gets snarky.

”Salt in old wounds, yadda yadda,” Kaz huffs. ”I can't exactly call any other of my exes, darling.”

” _Not your darling, Kazuhira,”_ Cécile snaps but then she gets compassionate and Kaz's headache appears. He doesn't need compassion and definitely doesn't need pity.

 

” _You poor thing. You don't have friends?”_

”I have friends!”

” _You have me. And I'm your ex, I don't count.”_ She's probably fiddling with her nails. Or her photography. Or her goddamn collection of bird photographs. What the hell.

”How does that not count? And I have other friends,” Kaz grumbles. This is not how he imagined this conversation going.

” _Name one.”_

”Eva.”

” _Well... okay. I accept it. She's not one of your exes, is she?”_

”She had John. Like she would look at me twice.” It comes out a tad bit whinier than Kaz wanted. He flushes, rubs his temple.

” _She'd be too much for you anyway. Anyway! Just go see what ex-Mrs Miller has to say. Maybe she wants to make amends. Maybe she wants to curse you for being a good-for-nothing lousy-”_

”I get the point, thanks.” Kaz wishes he had David's class today. Or he had David hear, in his life.

 

” _How old are you again?”_

”Shut up, Céci. This isn't easy for me. I thought she'd hate my guts forever.”

” _I'm just teasing you, Grumpy. Just go see what she has to say. Aren't you eager to see your daughter again?”_ There it comes, the question Kaz doesn't have an answer to. He had fathered a child, yes but she had never been his child. He had only seen her when she had been a tiny baby and all babies looked the same to him.

”She... I don't know. I don't want to get back together. I wouldn't want to get back together.”

” _You're already a daddy to five furry children anyway,”_ Cécile remarks, her voice immediately lighter. As in cue, three of them come barrelling down at Kaz's legs, barking. Cécile's voice immediately goes into doglover-mode. Kaz holds the phone away from himself and hears Cécile coo and call the dogs. Roscoe and Snowy especially love her so they howl when they hear her voice from the tiny metal box.

 

”Daddy's such a gross word,” Kaz says. He knows it's gross in this scenario because he'd rather use it in another scenario completely.

” _Whatever, grumpy. How's it going otherwise?”_

”Remember when I told you I was training someone?”

” _Oh? Oh-ho? Kazuhira, is it someone young and strapping?”_

”Céci, what the fuck- yes. Whatever. Yes. And whatever, you know. Forget it.”

” _You've always been eager to tell me of your conquests. Is this young and strapping person a lad or a lass?”_

”Bye, Cécile.”

 

He hangs up.

She sends him a short video she's pouting and shaking her finger scoldingly. Kaz sighs but can't quite escape a smile. It vanishes when he goes on in his day. Not even the glimpse he gets of David at lunchtime helps, when he's too busy otherwise to drag David for a quickie in his office. He keeps his eyes away from the boy as well as he can, remembering where he is and how quickly he'd be branded a pedophile and kicked out of his job if their relationship came to light.

 

_Are u okay, you looked kinda cranky @ lunch_

 

Damn the boy for his perceptiveness. When Kaz hadn't been looking, David had been looking at him.

 

_Just a family-issue, kiddo. Focus. Until tomorrow._

 

He can't tell the boy about this. This is the kind of realm Kaz lives in, not the carefree place of all teenagers like David where divorce and mortgage and children usually don't happen. Kaz lives school with his heart heavy in his chest, drives straight to the city center and parks himself a couple of blocks away from the café where Nadine wanted to meet up. How long has it been? Two years? Over? Catherine would be around.. well. Small. Kaz's jaw tightens when he remembers so little of her. It had all been a blur. How had a smart, determined woman like Nadine even managed to get a PTSD-riddled crippled ex-vet like him anyway; had made him love her all the way to the altar and marriage bed and to the birth of their child before his heart did its tricks again and he stopped caring. Why would she come back?

 

Kaz had worn his less obstructive leg prosthetic and had taken his cane this time. His thigh aches as he makes his way to the café, glad for the glasses shielding him from the blinding sun.

”Sir? Can I take your order?” The chirpy barista says but Kaz had already spotted his ex-wife. She's sitting alone, her long hair in a ponytail and next to her is a tiny girl, no more than a couple of years of age, clearly deep in a conversation. Nadine is smiling. Is that a gleam in her left hand?

”Sir?” The barista repeats. Kaz blinks, nods.

”Ah, yes. A large coffee.”

”Do you need anything else?”

”No thanks.” Kaz turns to look at Nadine. She meets his gaze, waves carefully. The sight of her does nothing but wake a sense of nostalgia. Kaz pays for his coffee and makes his way to her, aware that a few other patrons look at him curiously.

 

”Hello, Nadine.”

 


	23. give it to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David has gotten himself into a little trouble called Help I've Fallen For My Risky Teacher. Or maybe Miller is just that good with his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They don't have to do sexual things in every chapter but you know, these two idiots don't actually know how to use their mouths for talking. so talking through sex it is.

David doesn't want to go to school.

 

He's heard enough of Miller-related jokes to last a lifetime, doesn't want to know what his friends would say if they saw the bruises that had bloomed on his body in their training sessions. They'd misunderstand. And Miller himself- it feels like the man is avoiding him. Cancelling their Tuesday-training is one thing but it still worries David. Despite Miller's enthustiastic response to David's photos- the phone sex had made David unable to face his twin for the longest time- David still wonders if he went too far. Maybe he had been too eager, maybe Miller had thought he wanted a relationship or was in love with Miller.

 

Now that would be something. David hadn't even been in love with Fox, he wouldn't just go falling headfirst into loving someone obviously unsuitable for him. Even if Miller knew what buttons to push to get him going, had growled into his ear and urged him to come and David had called him master, master like he was dying for everything Miller had to offer. Miller might even let him fuck him, for fuck's sake.

 

David groans and pulls his blanket over himself. It's barely six in the morning, yet he's painfully awake and aware that he doesn't want to face the man. The PE-lessons had become excruciating yet exciting ever since they started this thing of theirs, David had had to keep a straight face and ignore Nathaniel's prodding and Miller had to keep himself at an arm's length. David has no idea what the man truly thinks of him but clearly there's something. Right?

 

”You havin' a wet dream again, you weirdo?” Eli's voice grumbles from somewhere in the direction of his bed.

”Fuck off,” David says automatically, his ears heating up. Eli hadn't apparently heard him having phone sex but still- just the knowledge that Eli had been one wall away and could have overheard... nobody needs to know how deeply depraved David had become.

”Fuck me, it's six. I still could sleep for a fuckin' hour,” Eli whines and goes silent again, apparently burrowing himself deeper under his bedsheets.

 

David sighs, reaches for his phone. He taps it open under the covers, not eager to earn his twin's ire once more. He sends a message to Eva to tell her to call him when it's the evening on his side of the planet. He looks over his recent messages, opens up the photo Miller had sent him. David bites his lip, knows his cheeks are heated up once more. Would the man even be awake yet? Miller didn't seem like the type to wake early yet David would rather think of him than anything else in his life- like his prone, still father. Or how he's going to tell his mother that the Fox-situation is repeating even if Miller is already made David fall deeper than Frank goddamn Jaeger ever did. Maybe one day David will actually remove Fox's number from his phone although the man had seemed to get the hint and had not contacted him again.

 

Dammit. He shouldn't think of Fox anymore. Fox is history, a part of David's American life. Miller is here and now and clearly wants him. Even still. Miller hadn't given an indication they'd take this to bed anytime soon. He wouldn't be planning to fuck David in the gym, wouldn't he? David's vivid imagination offers up imagery of what it would seem like: maybe Miller would just make him get down on one of those soft, blue mats and keeps his ass up as Miller plowed into him, gripping his hips so tight it would leave bruises. Or maybe David would get bent over the vault horse, gripping its sides desperately. Or. Or. Maybe Miller could teach him the art of proper rimming, something Fox hadn't ever seemed to want to do. Oh, fuck. David's briefs tighten at the thought, his groin heating up pleasantly. To rim Master Miller would be an experience. Miller does seem like he needs to relax and relieve himself properly and David likes to think he could be the one helping Miller do it.

 

Biting his lip, David reaches into his pants. He needs to be absolutely quiet for this to work. Otherwise Eli will probably kick him out of the apartment. David takes out that photo again, stares at Miller's prosthetic, semen-stained hands wrapped around his erection and starts to stroke himself. It soon gets too stifling under the covers but David doesn't dare to remove them. He keeps at it, eyes closed and stifling every single sound into his pillow and brings him to a quiet, pleasant climax. It comes a little too quickly for his liking but thankfully nobody is here to judge. David bites his lip too hard again as he brushes his sensitive cockhead with a thumb, smearing the semen- and on a whim, brings it to his lips. He licks his finger and nearly purrs. Damn him, but he loves it. With a shaking hand, unstained by semen, he reaches for his phone and takes a quick photo, making sure the flash is on so the photo doesn't come out blurry. He quickly checks it, flushes at the sheer indecency. There're his half-lidded eyes, his tongue darting out to taste a fingertip in white.

 

David swallows. He decides to keep the photo unsent for now and sneaks to the bathroom to give himself a quick wash. Everything feels too big inside his head, too messed up. To top it all of, he's already supposed to be preparing for the final exams that make sure he's even going to be able to graduate. Transferring on their final year is the worst thing ever. With a frustrated sigh, David returns to bed. He doesn't fall asleep anymore.

 

Wednesday's morning dawns thunderous and dark, rain coming down harder than ever. Eli complains the entire morning, David's skin prickles with anxiety. It's not like he's addicted to Miller, right? It's not like the tension between them could be cut with a goddamn knife or that David's dreams hadn't been plagued by visions of Miller ramming his cock into him to the hilt and calling him a good boy, _Daddy's good baby boy_ \- David tries his hardest not to chew through his chapped lower lip again

 

”Why are you so twitchy today?” Eli's frowning at him as they make their way into the storm. Eli's lion mane is sprouting ridiculously from under his black beanie. His face is a storm on itself. If David felt like it he could use his favourite insult from their childhood: your face is gonna get stuck that way.

”Don't ask, Eli,” David instead says. If anyone was going to flip a switch when they found out- _if_ they found out- it was Eli. Despite being a brat, despite all of their brotherly banter Eli was fiercely protective over David and had instantly called Frank Jaeger a fucking creep. _At least I fuck around with people my age, douchebag._ Miller wouldn't care, probably but it would still create too much of a mess.

”Rrrright,” Eli huffs. He never lets himself fall behind, never wants to be number two. He'd been number two to David all their childhood and had had enough of it. It couldn't be helped that Eli's attention span was shorter, his temper more explosive. Eli had found joy in mindless violence and rebelling against authorities before he even knew the word 'authority', David had found joy in following orders and training himself to be the best version of, well, himself. Eli never did understand.

 

Thankfully Eli keeps any other questions to himself, only eyes David suspiciously through the entire day. David doesn't look in the teachers' table's direction during lunch. He plays up the oblivious-act when his friends probe about a certain cybernetic man. David's stomach lurches uncomfortably when he does get a peek of Miller looking rather haggard again. Had something happened?

 

When David manages, he shakes off his friends and sends the photo from early morning. Adds the caption _i thought u might like this. Or u know. Just. U look kinda not-okay so i figured you'd need some cheering up._ Instantly Miller messages back, inviting him to his office. Too much? Maybe? David swallows. It's only an hour until PE. It will be harder to stand around Miller without knowing what his reclusive mentor has in mind. Thankfully the hour is free so David gets to sneak through the corridors to Miller's office, raising his hand into a knock. The door's opened before he manages, his mouth is opened in a surprised 'o' when Miller grabs him by the arm and pulls him inside.

 

Instantly the door's lock clicks and Miller is kissing him, groping him, practically snarling against him. David's eyes are wide, he draws breath and grabs for the front of Miller's t-shirt.

”H-hey-” David tries, flinching when Miller's cool hand slides under his pants to give his ass a generous squeeze.

”Just let me,” Miller finally huffs, his breath hot and heavy, not making any eyecontact. He's not wearing his glasses, David realizes with a start and manages to withdraw, to put his hands on Miller's chest. Give them at least an arm's length of distance.

 

To be frank, his mentor looks like crap. There are dark circles around his eyes, his ponytail is messy and mouth is downturned. The muscles David can faintly feel under fabric are tense. His breath smells like something spicy, something that vaguely reminds David of his father. Did Miller smoke?

”W-what's going on? Are you okay?” Miller's jaw is clenched. His eyes are such an impossible shade of the palest blue and David falls. Just a little.

”Nothing's happened,” Miller grunts.

”Was this.. your family stuff?” Another grunt. David's hips are grabbed, he's turned around until he's half-sitting on Miller's desk.

 

”David,” Miller murmurs. ”You're coming to my place this weekend and I'm going to fuck you.” Whatever David was going to say is stuck in his throat. He reaches for Miller, for his face and a stubble that has seen better, unshaved days. What had Miller looked like when he was David's age, David wonders.

”You're too perceptive for your own good, kiddo,” Miller continues and then cups David's face in his calloused, cool hands and kisses him deep, more intimate than their kisses had ever been before. David shivers, kisses back instantly, worry gnawing at his insides. Maybe something had happened? Something to do with the reason why Miller had cancelled their appointment yesterday? David wants to ask but Miller doesn't seem to be interested in talking. While they kiss, Miller had yanked open both of their belts, had taken out both of their dicks and had begun stroking, the tips pressed together. David groans against Miller's mouth, pushes his hips forward.

 

”Help an old man out, boy,” Miller growls. Without hesitation David reaches down too and starts grinding and goading their erections into proper fullness. David is exhilarated by this; Hell Master Miller is so unpredictable, so volatile that David is on a knife's edge with him but he delights in it, loves it. Miller is a force of nature and David is gladly under his thumb. Some semblance of sense tells him that this kind of a pseudo-relationship is not going to be working very long and has the potential to ruin both of them but he can't care. Won't care. Not when Miller is watching him with his beautiful, pale eyes and their intertwined fingers are stroking both of their dicks.

 

”I was very happy to receive another photo from you,” Miller says, his head dropping down to gently bite on David's neck.

”It was- I- uh- it was on a whim,” David tries, his hips bucking forward again. ”Fuck, Miller-” Now Miller chuckles, the sound dark and brief and igniting such powerful heat within David that he much feels like he's going to explode.

”Feels good? Sit down on my chair and drop down your pants.” David nods, nods again for good measure and sits down, a little uncomfortable at the thought of staining Miller's chair. Miller seems to notice as he smirks, the expression a lot less cocky when he's not wearing his glasses.

 

”Kiddo, you're not the only one who has gotten their share of sitting in my chair,” Miller mutters and gets down on his knees. His face tightens momentarily and David nearly asks him if he's okay but then Miller is already sucking him down to the hilt and coherency leaves David's head. So what if Miller's sucked off someone else in this chair, maybe even fucked them on it, so what when Miller's mouth is warm, his tongue absurdly dexterous and hot. David wets his lips.

”Oh, fuck-”

”I appreciate the sentiment,” Miller rumbles, low and turned on. ”Wrap your hand around your dick, I'm not going to do all the work here.” David's fingers shake only a little as he obeys, keeps a tight ring around his base and guides his dick back through Miller's waiting lips.

 

David tries not to think about how many partners Miller has had to be that good at sucking dick, to know all the right angles and then- oh, fuck, David's head drops down on the backrest, his other hand keeping a hold of the chair. Miller moves down to his balls, urging for David to stroke his dick at the same time. Miller's mouth engulfs both of the engorged balls at the same time, then only just one and sucks them fiercely, like they were something delicious that Miller can't get enough of.

 

”That's so good, Master, so, so good,” David blabbers, hips squirming under this ferocious assault. Miller's chuckle echoes on his skin, makes him tremble through the core.

”I wish I could have been the one to take your virginity,” Miller says, balls flopping out of his mouth. Whatever he's doing down there involves a lot of saliva and a lot of use for his tongue.

”There's only, ah, been one guy,” David manages. Miller pushes David's hand out of the way and starts sucking again. David blinks down and nearly comes right there: the sight of his entire length just disappearing down his mentor's mouth is too much to bear.

 

”Hand me the lube from the top drawer, will you?” Miller moves, pushes David's knees up, mouth hovering dangerously close to David's ass.

”A-are you seriously- I have PE next!” It's a futile protest, especially when David obeys once more and finds a small white tube that he tosses to his mentor.

 

”I'll go easy on you, David. Or don't you want me to? Are you denying me?” At least Miller's face has lost that awful, straining sadness. Now it's focused, his eyes half-lidded. David shakes his head, his hips push up, his dick brushing Miller's cheek, staining it with pre-cum.

”I'm not fucking you at school. You obviously haven't been fucked with a dick for quite a while. But a couple of fingers will do nicely,” Miller says casually and his puff and pull again as he sucks David deep, changing his rhythm to something far too slow.

”Oh shit.” David nods, slips his hands under his shirt, even rucks it up so Miller can see his chest and his abs. ”W-what about you?” A click of a cork is heard as Miller apparently squeezes some lube on his fingers.

 

”Don't worry, my sweet boy. I'll take care of myself.” David squeezes his eyes closed and prepares. It's true he hasn't been fucked in a while, Fox preferred long foreplays and teasing David absurdly long but they had still fucked. Had good, long fucks too. Fuck, he's thinking of Fox again. David swallows, his hips twitching as Miller strokes and caresses him, bites down on his inner thigh.

”You smell amazing down here, Davey,” Miller purrs, his voice nothing but a husky whisper. David flushes deeper red, but doesn't try to hide it this time, instead starts stroking his own chest.

”P-please. Please.” Miller is mouthing his balls again, coating them in saliva and lube and giving them such attention that David is squirming.

 

”Too bad we don't have all the time in the world,” comes the voice from below as Miller starts teasing his pucker with a fingertip. ”But I promise, Davey, on the weekend, we're going to have some deep, deep fun.” He pushes in, wriggles the slicked fingertip and starts loosening up the muscle. David pinches his nipple and lets out a shivery gasp, trying to stay still. The outside world shrinks and vanishes, everything becomes just about Miller and his hot, experienced body.

”You've been teasing me for too long,” David murmurs and tries to push, to pull, to do anything to get that finger deeper in. Miller only moves it in circles, even pulls it back to rub at the pucker again. His hot breath hits it, his tongue touches where the finger just was. David nearly cries out, his body tensing up beautifully.

”You'll get all the cock you want, my beautiful boy,” Miller murmurs almost dreamily as he licks a long line from David's asshole to his dick, takes it back into his mouth. As he sucks deep, so does he push that finger in, all the way in to the first knuckle. He doesn't let the solitary finger rest in for too long but pushes in another, going back again to rub at the pucker and loosening it up. David clenches reflexively and whimpers when he gets a slap on one of his firm buttocks.

 

”I'm going to spend a lot of time loosening you up,” Miller continues, the cock flops out of his mouth as he goes up and down the length, kissing and licking and lapping up the white droplets twitching out of the tip. There are two fingers now, scissoring and pushing and David's body trembles. ”Ah, good boy. Touch your chest more.” Miller has noticed what David is doing, clearly pleased with where the kid's hands are going. David is panting, rolling his nips between his fingers and pushing and getting them as rock-hard as his cock. Miller lowers his mouth once more and engulfs David's length, fingers David's receptive ass in the same rhythm like a true professional. David barely notices when his ass is stretched more as Miller pushes in a third finger. It would be so easy for Miller to replace his fingers with his dick. David wants it. Fuck what anyone else thinks but he's desperate for his mentor's cock.

 

”Fuck me,” David whines, pushes up and meets Miller's mouth, watches with hot, half-lidded eyes as Miller deepthroats him, that straight, beautiful nose buried in David's fair pubic hair. Miller repeats the movement, jams his fingers in at the same time as he deepthroats and David lets out a strangled whine, biting hard on his lip.

”Give it to me, come on,” David starts blabbering as Miller's pace quickens and becomes merciless, now four fingers pushing and withdrawing, stretching him. David reaches with his hands and gets a hold of Miller's hair, squeezes tight on that ponytail and pants hard as he tries to keep his even more wildly bucking body in control. Finally, when it seems too much, Miller withdraws, towering over David. All David can see is Miller's smirk before the man's mouth is on him, tasting of semen and something David can't quite place. The fingers change their angle, but they're still there, wriggling and massaging a pleasurable spot inside. Miller grabs David's hand and pulls it between them, to their dicks.

 

They resume their shared handjob and that's the way they reach their climaxes, Miller grunting, his load coming in twitchy, uneven spills and David muffling his cry against Miller's tongue, his ass constricting against the invading fingers, his load lasting longer. It spills on their hands and on David's abs. Both pant, both of their hands tremble and shake as they pump their cocks dry. They share one more hot, tongue-filled kiss that makes David moan audibly before Miller backs away. He looks a little more haggard than before, some semen stuck to his lips but there's a flush of healthy colour on his cheeks now. He smirks at the utter debauchery that is David's current situation and pats his thigh.

”I meant what I said, kiddo. You and me. My cabin this weekend. How about it?”

 

Miller digs out a huge roll of paper towels from one of his endless drawers and gives a pile to David who proceeds to clean up the spunk from his stomach.

”L-like. Like I'm going to say no to you,” David murmurs with a little frown. Miller has cleaned up his hands in the tiny sink at the corner of the room and reaches for David's chin. He raises the boy's face to his own.

”Hey. You can say no to me. No matter how many 'masters' slip through these lips,” he brushes a finger over David's dry, chapped lips and tuts, 'you have your own free will.” David's hand stills. He nods.

”I know. I'm not a kid.” His mouth tightens, frustrated when Miller snorts.

”Compared to me, you are.”

 

David cleans himself from between his legs and tosses the ruined pile of paper towels to the trash. He stands up. He draws breath.

”But there's nothing wrong with that,” Miller says, sensing the impending temper tantrum. ”Besides, you have a bigger cock than most men,” he adds. David hastily pulls up his pants. He's heard jabs about his size before. It's not like it was enough to tease boys if they had tiny cocks but he got teased when his own had grown huge a couple of years ago. It wasn't that big, really, just a tiny bit bigger than average. David had Googled it.

 

”Don't be shy,” Miller wraps his arms around David from behind. Licks at the tiny bitemark he left. His prosthetic, now cleaned, grabs David through his pants. ”Because I like it. And that's why, if you're a good boy, you get to fuck me with it.” David can't quite suppress a shiver. He turns his head and accepts Miller's kiss. Miller's scent slithers to his nostrils, Miller's body warm and strong against him.

 

”I'd love that,” David says. Miller brushes his throat, his fingers hovering dangerously close to choking.

”Mmmh. Oh, David. You better run now, your friends are going to miss you.” David steps out of the half-hearted embrace and nods, tries to fix his catastrophic hair situation and grabs his bag. Miller sits back down on the chair and watches him with a smirk.

 

The PE-class is going to be hell. Scratch that, the rest of the week is going to be hell.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are they finally going to fuck? are they not? is there gonna be a Convenient Cockblock? find out


	24. can't get you out of my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuhira Miller is a grown-ass man and only has sex without feelings. Except when he can't get David's face out of his head.

”You told him what? Kazuhira, you silly man. You silly, silly man. Are you-”

”Don't say it.” It comes out as a growl. The fireplace is lit, casting their shadows long and bringing too much warmth on their skins. Cécile, pale and blonde and lithe, lounges on Kaz's couch like a young bird, her innocent visage almost true. Her wine glass is dangling dangerously from her fingers. They've been at it since early evening when Kaz had picked her up from the airport. Friday was still a workday for both; for her in her birdwatching adventures and photography, for him at the school and with his most precious student. Yet they had opened a wine bottle and gone from there. She had disapproved of his taste in wine, he had laughed when she had drank it anyway. Now they were both warm and pleasantly buzzed, Kaz's dogs scattered all over the place in various states of sleep. Roscoe had of course come as close to his precious father as possible. Kaz keeps scratching his huge fluffy ears.

 

”I'm not saying anything,” Cécile murmurs and takes another chip. They had been watching a movie but had delved into a discussion about Kaz's love life- or the lack of it. Somehow he had let it slip that he had begun this thing with David and she had reacted in the most Cécile-like way. By not reacting much at all. Kaz leans against his armchair, finding the floor and the pillows and Roscoe much more comfortable for his aching back.

 

”I wouldn't fall in love with someone so naive.”

”I thought you might have said you wouldn't fall for someone who's thirty years your junior.” Cécile blinks at him, taking another too long sip of her glass. Finds it empty. Wordlessly Kaz pushes the bottle in her direction.

”I know the depths of my own depravity, _ma chérie_. His age doesn't bother me.” Cécile is sharp-eyed sober but when she's like this, Kaz can be sure she doesn't know it's only a half-truth. It bothers him that David has earned his affections, his desire with such ease. A few sideways glances, a few murmured 'master's and Kaz had been sold, taken in by bright, young eyes. He still is, his skin tingling with the promise he had made with David.

 

”He's nineteen, isn't he? It doesn't make you a pedophile. It just makes you weird,” Cécile says amiably, pouring herself a generous glass. It's her third. Or fourth. Neither has quite been counting.

”Aren't you French more free-minded with things like these? I thought age differences in relationships weren't a big deal in modern day world anymore.” Kaz grits his teeth, sets down his glass. He can't feel his thighs anymore, Roscoe's heavy weight on them. Yet the dog's even breathing is comforting.

 

”Relationship, is it?” Of course she would hear only what she wants to hear. Kaz sighs.

”It's not a relationship.” He refuses to think of those texts, of David's semen-stained fingers held to his own mouth, eyes gazing straight to the camera. The kid knew what he was doing. He had to.

”Do you want it to be? You know how it would seem like to the society around you.” Cécile's voice comes much more muffled this time. She's smushed most of herself into the pillows and blankets Kaz had dragged out for her on the couch. Yet her eyes are bright, blinking at him.

 

”I don't care. What you call society made me into this-” he doesn't have to gesture at himself, ”-and was the reason that .. bastard broke my heart. I don't care what society thinks.” Cécile is smiling now, a little sad smile that Kaz can't bear to look at.

”So you say. But you care what that boy thinks. Good job avoiding the question.” Kaz can't answer to that. He lets his hand rest on top of Roscoe's head. Fire in the fireplace crackles and dances, plays tricks on his face. Does he care what David thinks after all? Does he want a relationship? He's not doing anything wrong. Of course, there's his superior position to David but he hasn't forced the kid to do anything. He just wants the boy around.

 

Was he- ? Could he be? The thought is ridiculous, so absurd that Kaz shakes it off. He had had enough of anything deeper. What Nadine had told him had driven open a wedge in him. Someone else would be the father for Catherine now. The man that woman and that kid had known, Benedict Miller, Master Benedict Miller of the Green Berets wasn't who Kaz was now. He is and had always been a broken piece of machinery and he didn't fit in anymore. He had had enough of relationships. He didn't want another one.

 

He just wanted David to be around.

 

”Fuck off, Céci,” Kaz says instead. It's so half-hearted, so powerless that Cécile cracks up, snorts into her pillow.

”Silly, silly man. If you ask me, then I think David needs to get his eyes checked. You were handsome once Kazuhira but you're getting old. And flabby.”

”I'm not flabby. I'm pretty goddamn toned.”

”Nothing wrong with being a little soft sometimes, Kazuhira,” she says, gentler this time and Kaz can't take it. He knows she doesn't mean his body, the way keeping it toned was too much these days no matter how much he likes his exercise.

 

”I am not in love with David. I just.” Cécile hmms from her ocean of pillows, her golden hair in a mess. Kaz's fingers twitch with the need to touch but he keeps his hand to himself. She's not his to touch anymore, never was.

”He's very cute,” she says. Kaz wets his lips. If only she knew the way David could whine and moan and shiver. Exquisite. All those little sounds like secrets held between Kaz and David.

”Where the hell you've seen his face?”

”There's this little thing called internet and Facebook, mon chér,” Cécile purrs and doesn't even bother to dodge the pillow Kaz tosses at her.

 

It feels good to laugh, even when his is only ignited by the wine, his thoughts of David and the beautiful warmth of his home.

 

Cécile is half-asleep before she has to ask:

”Have you been to the eye doctor yet? Your eyes look way paler than last time.”

”Go to sleep, Cécile,” Kaz murmurs and gets up, leaves her to the empty wine glasses, three of his dogs and the dying fire.

 

She doesn't need to know how much the world blurs when his glasses off. How much the too bright lights of everywhere hurt his eyes. It had been years since the torture that had destroyed his vision but the effects will be felt until his death. He could leave the army but the army would never leave him.

 

Kaz focuses on David, on knowing that tomorrow he'll pick up David and drive him here and fuck him instead of talk to him. It's better that way for all of them. After this weekend, he'll know what David feels like through and through, will know how much David likes to kiss and how hot David will feel around his cock. After this weekend, Kaz will let this end before someone gets hurt. Falling in love with David will only just worsen everything even when the kid deserves to be loved by everyone and everything- not just his wretched father and wayward mother. Not by Kaz. Kaz is in too many pieces to love anyone.

 

He sleeps and has restless dreams, nightmares brought up by meeting Nadine that he muffles against Snowy and Roscoe's fur, their soft whines enough to bring him to the world of the waking.

”It's okay, it's okay,” he murmurs to himself, to his dogs. He drags his phone to his face and clicks open his gallery. David had sent one photo earlier the same day: once again in front of that dirty bathroom mirror, his back to it and flexing his bicep with a proud grin on his turned face. He had captioned it as _watch me lift you_ and Kaz had snickered, rather helplessly. Especially when he had seen a purple bruise formed on the boy's shoulder and a tiny red mark on his neck. He had marked David right there, felt every twitch and pull of his body.

 

Kaz looks at the photo for a second longer and then pushes his phone away, breathes a little easier. He has no more dreams after that.

 

Thursday had been cloudless, David-less day. It had been out of need for companionship that Kaz had invited Cécile over. He hadn't wanted to discuss David but somehow she had gouged it out of him.

 

_I'm having... sexual relations with a student._

 

_He has a crush on me._

 

_I'm using him for my own release. I'm using him. I'm-_

 

Kaz wakes with those thoughts running through his head and not much else. The worst part is how eagerly David is throwing himself at Kaz, perfectly willing to be used. They hadn't talked about anything, really, they didn't know what happened in each other's heads. Kaz didn't know much about David's other grades. David didn't know about Kaz's nightmares. Kaz didn't even know if John had woken from his coma yet- not that he cared. The old goat could sleep forever and die. But was it affecting David- then. Then Kaz wished John would wake. At least to shake Eva out of the melancholia she had been sent into. She had called Kaz before Cécile had come and claimed both Kaz and Eva herself were fools to love someone like John. Kaz had kept his mouth shut. Let her think what she thinks. It's better she thinks Kaz still loves John in any way than she think Kaz loves one of her precious sons.

 

Even if David is ten times the man John ever was.

 

Friday-morning sees Kaz help a hangover-Cécile from the couch and into her work clothes.

”If you're going on a safari, you're in the wrong place,” he says. She nearly drowns him in morning coffee but figures it would be a waste of good coffee. She coos at his dogs like they were her children and not his and those furry traitors love her back. It's a peaceful morning.

 

_Where do you want me to pick you up?_

 

Kaz doesn't expect David to answer instantly and he doesn't. Kaz escorts Cécile to his car and off they go to the city. She goes to her magazines and birds and him to the school. Yesterday's PE lessons hadn't been a total disaster but it had been hard to keep his gaze off David. Today's PE is shaping up to be much the same. David tugs his sleeve but Kaz shakes his head, forces him to focus on the ballgame. It's a needless risk to talk at school. The lessons pass. Kaz gets David to stay afterwards.

 

”Do you know where I live?”

”Close to that bar?” Kaz slips out. David blinks.

”How did you know?”

”Lucky guess, Davey.” David hums but gives Kaz his address.

”I'll be off from school at two. Uh, I figured like, four would be cool?” Kaz lets himself brush David's cheek, smile at the way it heats up under his fingers. He even dares a kiss, licks gently at the lower lip David likes to abuse.

”Four it is.”

Lunch passes. Afternoon passes. Eli shows off to some girl in the yard and it explodes into a fight. Kaz breaks it off with a few chosen words and a deep frown.

”My brother talks about you,” Eli says, lingering behind. He's wearing his gang-jacket, his features the same as David's yet his are more snake-like, sharper. David is all strength and life, Eli seems like the type to lay down and wait for prey to come for his sharp teeth. Kaz is almost surprised a fork-tongue doesn't flip out through white, straight teeth.

”I see,” is all Kaz says. Eli eyes him suspiciously. His eyes are the same colour as his brother's. Kaz doesn't look. Turns away. Eli isn't David. No matter how much they're cut from the same cloth, sons of their wretched father. They are not the same.

 

Two o'clock comes and goes. Kaz forgets his afternoon-class at the gym and tells David to wait until half past five. When he does park in front of the apartment building and sends a text, the kid practically runs through the doors, a bag on his shoulder. Kaz knows he must look like crap, his quick shower at the gym doing nothing but making his hair and clothes damp but David is beaming. He tosses his bag on the backseat and seats himself brazenly next to Kaz.

 

Kaz huffs.

”Keep it in your pants, kiddo.”

”I thought the point was for me to not keep it in my pants,” David blurts out and chews. Chews on that lip again. He's too cute. Kaz is going to wreck him, especially now that he has such enthusiastic consent. He's going to spend hours doing nothing but bringing David closer and closer to climax and then deprive him of it, then give it to him until the kid forgets his own name. Then, maybe then, Kaz will let them switch it around.

”Cheeky,” Kaz counters and leans to squeeze David's groin. David flinches and Kaz takes that opportunity to start pulling out of the parking lot. His palm is sweating. His own pulse is starting to get rapid.

 

”You mind if I take a nap?” David takes his jacket to his lap, watching him. His eyes gleam cerulean blue. At least it isn't raining.

”It takes an hour to my cabin, so sleep,” Kaz murmurs and can barely prevent himself from touching. Just a lock of brown hair or the tip of David's straight, strong nose. Or the hue of barely-there stubble. He'll get to touch him plenty later.

”I still can't believe you actually live in a goddamn cabin,” David huffs and closes his eyes. Kaz doesn't quite understand what's funny about cabins but he doesn't ask. Maybe it's a teenager-thing. So he drives, as smoothly as possible and doesn't even turn on the radio. He huffs at jaywalkers, at drivers who forget how to drive. Other people lessen the further he gets away from the city center and soon it's just him.

 

He glances at David from time to time, the boy's cheek smushed against the car window, his position uncomfortable. Yet soundly the kid sleeps, mouth parted. He doesn't even wake when they arrive and Kaz parks the car on his yard.

”David.” A stir. No, nothing. Kaz grabs David's thigh, gives it a shake. How deep a sleeper this kid is?

”David, we're here,” he huffs and pinches David's cheek. David's nose wrinkles and he blinks.

”Whu-?”

”We're here, kiddo,” Kaz says. He can't resist. He has to lean out and cup David's cheek and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. David is red-cheeked when he climbs out, Kaz is smirking. It feels so good to have that effect on someone.

 

_Are you-?_

I'm not. I'm not in love. Love is for children, not for men like me.

 

Kaz leads David to the door, prepares him for the onslaught of dogs.

”I hope you're a dog person,” Kaz says and pushes David in first. David yelps as the first excited furry friend meets him, letting out a few excited yaps and licks his hand.

”They're so handsome. Aren't you? Aren't you?” David crouches immediately, lets himself be crowded. Kaz closes the door behind them and lets himself smile.

”Enough, kids. Let your fellow kid breathe,” Kaz says after a moment when all five have acquiantanced themselves with David. David stands up, breathless and bright-eyed and beautiful. Kaz's mouth is very dry.

”They're so beautiful. How the hell do you manage with five huskies?”

”Well,” Kaz says instead. He grabs David by the lapels of his coat and kisses him hard on that smiling mouth, only stops when he manages to wrench out a needy sound. Pay attention to me, David. Only me. David sheds his jacket and boots and follows Kaz dutifully into the small, but tidy kitchen.

 

”Your cabin's neat,” David says. It's like they're friends and not here to have sex. Kaz makes him tea. They sit down for a while. Kaz makes food, something light and full of vegetables and eats little himself. He smiles when David congratulates him, eating himself full.

”I mean it. You'd think that a bachelor's cabin in the woods,” that same amused glint in the boy's eyes, ”would be a mess. Uh. Sorry.” Kaz huffs, gathers their utensils, their plates.

”I have a lot of free time in my hands. And I like to clean.”

”So, have you-”

”David.” David stills, questions dying on his tongue. ”You can... call me Kaz.” David blinks.

”Kaz?”

”Kazuhira.”

 

Hadn't the boy heard? Kaz would think it was common knowledge what his full name was. Then again, teenagers and their rumours. Teenagers and their thoughts that adults only ever were Mrs This and Mr That and never people with real lives and full names. Especially their teachers. David fidgets. To think Kaz would choose this one, the one with actual respect for his authority figures.

”It feels a little... improper. You're my teacher.”

”I figured it wouldn't matter ever since I tongue-fucked your ass,” Kaz says bluntly. David blushes, fiercely red. Kaz smirks.

 

”K- Kaz,” David says. ”You're. Don't just blurt it out.”

”Playing it innocent was cute for a time, David but it's getting a little old,” Kaz says and moves closer. He pulls David out of his chair so they're standing face to face.

”I'm not playing it innocent, I just- I have been rimmed before but you just, he never-” the fucking stammering.

 

Kaz wets his lips.

”I don't care what your ex-lover did or didn't do. You're here now. With me. Come on, boy. Let's go to the living room and you can spread your legs for me.” David groans audibly.

 


	25. so much for your innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz has a lot of nicknames for David. David doesn't mind any of them. Or alternatively: round one of their well-deserved marathon sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's just sex. 4777 words of nothing but banging. more to come lmao

The dogs are well-behaved. With a few barked orders they stay away from the living room, flop down in various places in the entrance hall and in the kitchen. Miller even lets Roscoe and Snowy out to the yard. He has taken David's hand, keeps the boy close as they make their way to the dimly lit living room. Only one lamp stays lit in the corner, dying daylight streaming through windows. The dogs play in the yard, caring little for the colder air. They're made for winter, these dogs, better suited for snow than heat. The air inside the cabin is still and expectant. Both men can feel the tension around them, coiling in their stomachs, pushing them closer to one another.

 

”Sit.” David does. It's like his legs have a will of their own, bending instantly, his butt flopping down on the soft cushions. Miller stays standing, towering over his student.

”Take off your shirt.” Another order that David is perfectly willing to obey. He barely breaks eye contact as he shrugs off his t-shirt, spreads his legs to accommodate Miller between them. David reaches, grabs Miller's thighs. Doesn't touch where he knows the prosthetic begins.

”Kaz,” David says, likes how the name feels on his tongue. Miller hums, pushes a finger between David's lips.

 

”Don't bite. You'll ruin your mouth and we don't want that.” David's mind buzzes, his heart already thumping, butterflies crazy in his stomach. His lips tingle with the kisses he's gotten, body heating up with the knowledge that for this entire weekend he'll be under Miller's thumb. David gives the finger in his mouth a lick and likes the way the corners of Miller's eyes wrinkle.

”I want to see your eyes,” David says, massages the muscular thighs he feels under his fingers. He gazes up, knows how little it would take to take out Miller's dick. Miller rubs his cheek, brushes his thumb over David's lips.

 

”I'm pretty blind without them, kiddo.” Yet still Miller withdraws his hand, pulls off the one wall between them. He shifts to put the glasses on the small coffee table and then they're face to face. David's palms are sweating as they knead Miller's thighs, reach even further for his ass. The corner of Miller's mouth curls up.

”How're you feeling?” David has no answer. His mouth is impossibly dry. Instead he tugs Miller's groin closer to himself and yanks open his pants. Miller's hands are instantly on his hair, gently scratching his scalp and brushing his hair. It's impossible to tell what the man is thinking or feeling, those pale eyes hide every emotion. David pulls down Miller's pants and pushes his face against the bulge visible through black boxers. David closes his eyes, inhales deeply. Miller's fingertips tickle the nape of his neck, brush through his strands.

 

”Take your time, boy,” Miller whispers, not pushing, not pulling. He stands there and watches, head bowed down so low that his hair almost tickles David.

”You smell good,” David says, grabs himself a handful of Miller's ass and licks the bulge. There's no hurry this time, no danger in being overheard. He's going to take all the time he wants because Miller deserves it, Miller's fantastic, beautiful dick deserves it. David shifts closer to the edge of the couch and keeps his eyes closed, mouthing at the bulge, finding the tip and sucking it slightly. Miller's fingers continue their slow path on his head, carding through his hair, tugging on his earlobe.

 

”I was going to ask if you were hungry,” Miller's words echo through David's head. ”But it seems it's not food you're craving.” David's cheeks redden and he nods. He tugs Miller's pants lower so he can slip his hands under those pesky boxers and find the bare skin of the ass he's been kneading for the past few seconds. Miller's in amazingly good shape for someone of his age and condition, his muscles hardened and toned yet there's enough softness there that David can push with his fingertips and get a good grip. It's making his own pants tent. Miller shifts, places his knee on the couch, effectively trapping David between the backrest and himself.

”Suck it,” he purrs. David whines, inhales again and sucks on the wet stain that has formed on Miller's boxers. His chilly hands have made Miller's skin raise to goosebumps but the man doesn't seem to mind. David looks up again, already breathless. He can barely believe he's truly doing this, that he's truly here, in his master's inner sanctuary and that there is no hurry, no one to find out. David's ears are buzzing, the outside world, his reality nothing but background noise.

”That's right, take it out,” Miller continues to instruct, to guide. His hands are helpful as they tug down his boxers and pull out his dick. David nuzzles his groin and inhales again, pressing a kiss here and there on inner thighs.

 

”Good, good boy.” David's own body heats up with the praise as he rubs his palms together and wraps one of them around the base, guiding the tip to his mouth. Miller cups his face, caresses his cheeks.

”There's no hurry, kiddo. No hurry at all. Take it slow.” David licks the tip, sucks on it slightly like it was a lollipop. Miller's thumb press on the corners of his mouth, just slightly so David feels the pressure. He obeys the silent order and opens his mouth wider, takes another inch in. Their previous shared blowjobs had been more hasty and now David truly wants to show that he can do this, he can take it slow and be a good and attentive lover.

 

”Fuck yeah,” Miller groans above him. ”Slowly, boy, slowly. That's the way.” David whines, mouth filling up steadily as he licks Miller's length, spits and spreads the saliva all over it. Miller probably has lube stashed somewhere but David is not going to ask him to get it. Not right now. There's plenty of time. Miller's dick has swollen, thickened to its true size and to David it's perfect. It's not uncut like his own so David spends time exploring it, getting to know each vein and tiny bump before taking it properly in his mouth again. He keeps his slow strokes at the base and sucks deep, deep, deep, the tip of his nose brushing fair pubic hair. Miller's turn to groan, the sound ringing through David's buzzed body.

 

”Look up. Up!” David blinks, does as he's told. He must look so indecent but Miller is a fan of indecent. Indeed, the man's face has tightened above him, half of his face in shadow. His hands grab David's head tighter but still follow his movements.

”You look fucking sexy,” Miller growls, his hips nudging forward, wanting to go as deep as possible. All the way to David's throat. David smiles, mouth full of cock, glad for the compliment and starts a rhythm. Forward and backwards, his mouth meeting his own fingers. He's not used to keeping an eye contact during sex but now he does his best, Miller's eyes narrow and gleaming as they stare down at him.

 

”How's your gag reflex, kiddo?” He doesn't expect an answer obviously, as his dick surges deeper. David moans, gags, takes a huge breath through his nose. He manages somehow and momentarily all air vanishes from his throat as it's filled with a throbbing erection. Then Miller withdraws to David's lips, curls his own hand over David's to smear pre-cum on David's open, panting lips.

 

Miller's scent, sweat and cigarettes and arousal fill up David's already fuzzy head. He yanks his hand free and pushes it down his own pants, grabbing his dick.

”A-a- _a_.” Yet Miller is quicker, cups David's face between his hands and forces him to turn his head up. His dick flops out of David's mouth, leaves a trail of saliva and pre-cum between them.

”Don't touch yourself, darling boy. Keep your hands on me.” David licks his lips, panting, feverish. But he wants. He needs a hand or a mouth around his dick right now, at this rate he'll come into his pants.

 

”Don't you remember what I promised to you on Wednesday?” Miller shifts, leans down to lick his way into David's mouth. David flushes, pushes his eager tongue forward, makes Miller taste himself.

”Y-yeah, I do, but-” he could fuck Miller. He could be on top. He'd give anything to have Miller on top of him, riding him, strong, scarred, torn body tensing and shivering.

”So if I tell you to do something, you do it, alright?” Miller doesn't seem to mind that cum has started to run down his length, staining his thighs. David wants to lick him all over.

”A-alright. Yeah. I can do that.”

”Good boy,” Miller purrs and kisses him again, then stands up. ”Take off your pants.”

 

Miller pulls down his own and yanks off his shirt. David nearly rips his briefs apart in his hurry to get them off.

”Kaz,” he breathes out, finally getting to see the entirety of his naked mentor. ”I can't believe I'm here,” David manages, reaches to run his fingers over Miller's stark hipbones. Miller is smiling, that odd, faint smile that he often gets and that David can't read. David has to touch Miller if he's not allowed to touch himself, hands on Miller's powerful thighs, just above where flesh ends and metal begins. He barely dares to look.

 

”Look what you've done to me, David,” Miller murmurs, rubs his dick against David's cheeks. ”Here I am, baring all of myself to you.” He's never shed his shirt when they have done their carnal deeds so David's curious gaze goes up, sees how the prosthetic hand is connected to his shoulder.

”You're gorgeous, Master Miller,” David murmurs, his hands brushing the prosthetic leg. It's sleek metal gleams, obviously well taken care of even when David can see small scratches and jagged edges telling of its age.

 

”Can you feel this?” David rubs where the leg begins and looks up to Miller's shadowed face. He's biting his lip, his ponytail mussed.

”Barely. Leave it be, kiddo.” David doesn't drop his hands, instead moves them once more to Miller's ass. He likes how it feels against his hands; it's not round and full like his own but more bony, more scarred and muscled. David closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and resumes sucking once more.

”I love your mouth,” Miller grunts and starts moving his hips, his hands clutching David's head tighter. He even keeps up the movement when David shifts, doesn't forget to settle his mouth on the tightened, hard balls. He gives them a good sucking as well, starting to get wonderfully delirious from the assault on all of his senses.

 

”Keep a hold of me. I'm going to fuck your face,” Miller growls and it's all the warning David gets. He opens his mouth wide and whimpers when Miller's hips snap faster, in and out of the tight, hot cavern of David's mouth.

”Stick out your tongue more, boy.” David obeys, David closes his eyes and just feels, lets himself be guided. Miller's dick slides on his tongue, spreads drops of everywhere. In and out. Miller is grunting continuously now, his grip on David's head bordering on painful but David will not fail him. He wants more and more and more no matter how much his jaw has started to ache, how much his wrist is burning.

 

”Fff _fuck,_ ” Miller moans, broken and ecstatic and spills. Coats the inside of David's mouth in white, spills it on his lips, his chin, his hand. David grabs the base tighter and directs the splurts down his throat, swallowing what he can. His own erection is painful, he keeps rubbing himself on the couch as he swallows his teacher's semen, stains himself with it and loves every drop. Together him and Miller pump the last drops out, spill them on David's waiting lips. Only when Miller withdraws David opens his eyes, aware of how ruined the couch under him is. He says it aloud, voice rough, face feverish and Miller laughs.

”I don't give a fuck.”

 

”What.. what about me now, Kaz?” David keeps his hands to himself, wipes his face with his palm. He shifts, tries not to even look at his erection. Miller stands in front of him, a hardfaced naked man straight from David's wettest, hottest dreams.

”One moment, baby,” Miller purrs, reaches for a kiss. That turns into another. And another. David moans, their tongues tangling together in a delightful, hot dance. He's aware of how much he must be drooling, his face wet, his thigh wet, his groin throbbing with need.

”I can't wait,” David whines but Miller still goes, withdraws from him. Stark-naked he walks away to rummage through a large mahogany drawer. David can't look away, eyes trailing every inch of Miller's body. From his blond, messy strands to his toned, scarred back, to his ass and his flaccid cock hanging between his legs. To the entrance hidden between two tight buttocks. David lets out another audible whine and turns on his side, drops his hand to his dick and gives it a rub.

 

Miller turns at that moment and tuts.

”Hand off.” David pouts.

”It's your dick that made me this horny,” he grumbles but leans back again, spreads his legs. He resorts to stroking his thighs and chest, pinching a nipple and tracing his lips. He doesn't break eyecontact.

”So much for your innocence, my sweet boy,” Miller huffs and comes closer with a small bottle. David doesn't have to see the label to know what it is.

 

”I tried to take it slow,” David starts and puts his hands on the backrest when Miller kneels, pushing a pillow under himself. He intends to be there for quite a while.

”You did very good,” Miller yanks David further down, instructs him to place his feet on the couch as well. It's an utterly humiliating position but David couldn't be more turned on if he tried.

”Even better than me. Don't worry, we'll get to bed at some point but now I want you to stay like this and let me take care of you, alright?” David swallows, nods. Miller hums and starts sucking him, with more expertise and vigor than David could in a million years. David lets out a yowl, slams a hand over his mouth when one of the dogs answer with a howl of their own. Miller laughs, kisses the tip of his dick.

 

”Don't laugh,” David squirms when Miller's hands- now thoroughly slicked with lube start probing and poking his ass.

”You're so cute, David,” Miller whispers and continues to suck. David doesn't dare to look, afraid he'll just explode on his master's face like some teenage virgin. Closing his eyes works against him now, it seems like everything is so much bigger, hotter like this. Miller slurps his dick like it was something delicious, his calloused, slick fingertips massaging David's pucker.

”I hope you're not thinking of fucking around with anyone else.” Miller's words rumble against David's sensitive skin, skilled fingers pull back the foreskin, a skilled mouth sucks on the revealed sensitive tip.

 

”I'- I'm not- uugh, fuck _yes_ -” He's not going to. Nathaniel was a fluke, a little hook-up that should have never happened. David doesn't want anyone else, doesn't want to think about wanting anyone else.

”Because I'm going to claim you for myself, my sweet, sweet boy.” Miller pushes, slips a finger inside David and David writhes, body tensing but Miller is going so slow the intrusion feels like nothing.

”I'm not, I'm, I don't want anyone else,” David breathes out, manages to open his eyes. Miller is watching him, cheek swelling with the weight of David's cock in his mouth. The pale gaze is undescribable.

”That makes me very happy,” Miller lets the dick flop out of his mouth and shifts lower, to the place where his finger is going in, all the way to the first knuckle. Miller goes for the kill in David's balls, sucking both of them into his mouth and sending David into a squirming, heated frenzy. A few colourful swear words escape from David, he keeps slipping lower on the couch but Miller is merciless. His mouth joins his finger at David's sphincter, gently massaging and licking it to relaxation. David lets out a shivery, tense sob.

”Don't...” The finger stops. The mouth presses a kiss on the small, soft spot between his ass and his dick.

”Stop. Don't you dare stop.” David shifts, wraps his legs around Miller's neck, traps the man between them. He hears Miller chuckle as he pushes in another finger.

”Just relax, baby. Let your Master take care of your gorgeous body,” Miller purrs, enticing, intoxicating. David starts to feel like he's drunk, like Miller had injected him with something when they had kissed earlier. It's the only reason for how light-headed he stars to feel the longer Miller continues loosening him, two fingers becoming three, twisting and scissoring his sensitive, soft insides. Miller goes back to his dick, pouring cool lube on it and slicking it up so much that it's positively gleaming. He multitasks with such accuracy and experience that David wonders if he'll explode, tensing and relaxing in turns and slowly turning into putty in his mentor's hands.

 

David pants, grasping his chest, rolls his tight, hard nipples between his fingers and can't do much else when Miller's got everything else covered. Like this, eyes closed and completely at Miller's mercy, David surrenders, pushes his hips against Miller's skillful fingers.

”Fuck,” David sobs, blinks wetly against the darkness of the room when his dick drops out of Miller's mouth with a wet pop.

”Guess what, dear boy,” Miller fingers him with more ferocity now, sliding further up his body to suck on a nipple. He pushes himself closer and David can feel the unmistakable brush of Miller's erection.

”Y-you're-- again? So quick? Oh, god,” David winces when Miller bites his nipple, sucks on it like it was a woman's breast.

”You don't even know how much stamina I have, dear, sweet David.” The fingers continue their merciless attack; now four. David's entrance has gotten looser, wetter, more relaxed. It sends flashes of heat and arousal through his entire body. His skin is on fire, every inch of him burns with need to get himself filled now.

 

”Fuck me, oh god,” David reaches for Miller, yanks his hair hard and kisses him, moans into his mouth when those fingers vanish from his ass.

”Just a moment, baby,” Miller murmurs and withdraws. David has no time to whine about the loss of warmth when he's pulled into Miller's lap, positioned so that the head of Miller's hardness is on his ass.

”You sure you can go again so soon?” David has to ask. Miller is older than him, over the virile, young age where David is but all this earns is a heavy smack on his ass.

”Are you doubting my stamina, David? I can fuck you until you can't walk, you cheeky brat.” This time he's growling the words, more lube poured on his hand that he applies to his dick. David's thighs shake as he tries to stay still to let Miller work.

”I'm not- I just- fuck, Give it to me,” David huffs, pushes himself against the insistent hardness. He wets his lips and parts his asscheeks, moans out loud when Miller's dick slides between them.

 

Miller isn't doing any better, he's breathing roughly and his hands are shaking.

”Ready for a ride, boy?” He doesn't wait for an answer, slips a finger to David's ass and when David merely whimpers and pushes against it, Miller grabs his hips roughly. David reaches behind himself and swallows hard when the tip breaches his asshole. He rolls his hips and tries again, pushes. A long wail escapes through his lips when he finds the right angle and can lower himself.

”It- it, nnh, feels, bigger, nnnh, fuck yes- inside me,” David wets his lips and turns his gaze back to Miller. Miller is gazing open-mouthed at him, his hands having shifted to David's thighs, fingertips pressing hard enough to bruise.

 

”I knew you were going to be tight, baby. Just take it slow, nice and slow,” Miller finds his voice again and speaks, voice dreamy and harsh. David is entranced, lets out a soft, shivering moans as he lowers himself down and down and down. With every inch Miller murmurs words to him, caresses and massages his thighs and even reaches to kiss his neck and chest, his breath so hot it sends shivers through David's over-sensitive, over-heated skin. Tears are prickling David's eyes, it's hard to breathe. He grabs Miller's shoulders and clutches hard, taking huge gulps of air.

”Take it slow, let yourself relax,” Miller continues pouring his comfort, gently tucks David down to kiss him, to ground him down to this moment. David has lost himself, has forgotten how good it feels to be filled all the way to the hilt. He shifts, tries not to clench too much and starts to move.

”That's good, baby, sweet David.” Miller still speaks, his voice barely audible, his hands cupping David's head.

 

It's been forever for David since the last time he had been penetrated and even then it hadn't been like this- he had been on all fours or on his back, all limbs spread like the wanton, desperate teenager he had been and still is. No one had urged him to ride slowly, no one had filled his ass quite like this. David can't focus, his mind cloudy.

”Ride me, my David, my sweet, desperate boy,” Miller mutters against his lips and David nods. He moves, raises himself a little and then lowers again, increasing the scale of his movement when he feels his ass giving in to the intrusion. Miller places his mouth on his chest and abuses his nipples, grabs David's ass and gives it a loud smack whenever David clenches too much. David's entire body is shivering, sweating, trembling, slowly starting to bounce up and down on his Master Miller's lap. A continuous stream of soft gasps and whines escape him, turning into a few louder moans whenever Miller meets his bounces with an upwards thrust of his own.

 

Finally Miller's words leave him and David can try to focus better, to trying to gain an even rhythm and then change it. Go slower, go faster. Milk Miller's dick for all its worth. Miller's arms have tightened around him, his fingertips digging hard into David's toned flesh, now and then giving a smack that leads to another whimper, another moan. In another place and time David would be embarrassed about how loud he's gotten, how easy it is to force his heated, tight muscles to work but now he whines and moans to his heart's content. One particularly enthusiastic bounce makes Miller's dick slip out of him and with shivering hands David reaches for it, chest rising and falling hard and stars dancing beneath his eyes.

 

Miller takes that as his opportunity to wrap one of his hands around David's dick. David lets out a wail, body arching beautifully. His asshole constricts, loose and leaking and missing the warmth of Miller's dick.

”I, fuck- stop-” David whimpers, letting out a sob when he can't focus his body enough to get himself back riding.  
”My cock is getting cold,” Miller whispers, his chest rising and falling too, his pulse rapid on his throat. His eyes are wide, the gleam in them almost predatory. David pushes his hands off himself and leans back again, reaches and manages to lower himself back on Miller's dick. This time it slides in without any difficulty, loosened up by the generous amount of lube, spit and pre-cum. David flushes harder, knowing that it's just the first of many.

 

Now that he's gotten a taste of Miller's dick, he wants to do it as often as possible. Miller grabs his thighs and starts thrusting up, everytime David pushes down. Miller grips David's dick again and pumps it, managing such a shaky, yet steady rhythm that David inches closer to climax, body hard and taunt like a violin string with Miller as his conductor. David is faintly aware that he's drooling and crying, his face wet and chin wet. It doesn't matter when semen runs down his thighs, when Miller is pumping him so hard it almost hurts.

”I'm- Kaz, I'm gonna-”

”No, no. Not yet, baby,” Miller's palm covers the tip of David's dick and his thrusts increase. David is bouncing harder, his thighs trembling with exertion. He's crying out loud now, his ass tight and warm around Miller's dick. Miller's grunts echo in his ears, the harsh slaps of skin against skin, of Miller's balls against his ass. All sounds of the world go out like someone had pushed the mute button, David moans, desperately horny, desperate for relief. Finally Miller spills inside of him but instead of letting it go all the way until the last drop, he forces David off of his dick. Before David can process what the hell is happening, he's tugged closer to Miller's head, his dick in Miller's mouth.

 

David cries out and climaxes as well, his hips twitching uncontrollably as he sprays into Miller's open, receptive mouth. If it weren't for Miller's iron grip on his thighs, he would have surely collapsed right then and there.

”Mill- ah, oh my god,” David whines, his prick twitching as Miller drinks every drop he gets, strokes the sensitive skin until nothing more comes out. The change in position had gotten few rivulets of semen thrown over him but Miller doesn't seem to care, instead lets David flop back down on his lap.

 

David's head is spinning. He smushes his face against Miller's shoulder and shudders, twitches as his body starts to come down from high. Miller strokes his sweaty back and says nothing. David swallows, keeps his eyes closed until he's sure the room isn't going to spin in his eyes.

”You alive?” Miller's voice slithers into his ears, low and amused. A kiss is pressed against short, dark strands. David hums affirmatively, doesn't quite want to move.

”If this is how... you .. oh, fuck, fuck me today, I'm eager to see what happens this weekend,” he whispers, his palm meeting Miller's chest. Miller's heart thuk-thuk-thuks rapid and hard under his muscles. Curiously David tugs on a hard nipple and moans when Miller smacks his ass.

”I have some things in mind,” Miller huffs and turns his head, nuzzles David's temple. David blinks and kisses him, blushes when he tastes the traces of semen.

  
How will he ever fuck around with anyone else when Miller can give it to him this good, leave him this drained. David shifts, his flaccid, over-sensitive member rubbing against Miller and both men groan.

”I can't believe you came twice,” David says and can barely stand without Miller's help.

”What can I say,” Miller purrs, kneads David's ass. ”You make me feel virile.” David swallows, lets himself be lead to Miller's spacious bathroom. He leans against the sink and no matter how much he protests, he's not allowed to wash himself. Miller towels him down, smirking lazily when he pushes one, semen-sticky finger in David's ass and forces it to give out the remaining semen. David whimpers and grabs his arm.

 

”What the hell, come on-”

”Your ass is going to look beautiful by the end of this weekend,” Miller says casually and takes another towel to wash David's face.

”It already is,” David huffs and is glad when Miller grins.

”Oh, the things we are going to do together, Davey. Now, do you want something to eat? Or do you want to take a nap?”

 

And just like that, he walks out of the bathroom, leaving David alone and naked and satisfied but desperate, desperate for more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> round 2 of banging, coming riiiight up!
> 
> as always, say hello to me on tumblrlrlrlr/soundlessrooms


	26. bath fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marathon sex-fest at Miller's cabin continues.

The world clears out once more when Kaz puts on his glasses. He starts whistling as he walks barenaked to his bedroom and digs out two pairs of clean underwear. His might be a little big on David but surely the boy wouldn't want to wear his stained ones.

”Uh.” Speak of the devil. David had followed, hovering awkwardly by Kaz's bedroom door. Kaz smirks, knowing that speaking of his dirtiest thoughts aloud would probably just make the boy spontaneously combust right then and there. David is covering his dick with one hand, his hair an utter mess, his skin red and damp from where Kaz had rubbed him.

 

”Put those on. I can wash your dirty ones,” Kaz says and tosses a pair of army-green boxers at David. He gets himself an eyeful of the boy's toned body at the same time but he's not going to complain. David is truly a specimen and clearly takes care of himself. And that dick. Kaz wets his lips and watches David's flaccid, heavy dick vanish under black fabric. Kaz clears his throat, rubs his Adam's apple.

”How do you feel?” He puts on his own boxers as well and comes close, puts a hand on the doorframe. A couple of more years and David will probably be taller than him. David hasn't moved, remains close to him.

 

”It's a little arrogant to ask that,” David says, clicks his tongue. That brat. Kaz huffs and pinches his cheek.

”I meant your ass, you cheeky little shit,” he says and reaches, grabs a handful of the aforementioned butt and gives it a generous squeeze. David tenses, draws breath.

”Good. Obviously.” Everything the kid does is so cute. Kaz can't wait to take him to bed and fuck him again. Sex is always an exquisite exercise, one of Kaz's favourite things in the world but with someone he desires this much it's just so much better. How will Kaz ever be able to go back to random hook-ups if David deserts him.

 

So much for dumping the boy after this weekend. Kaz is hooked, wading in water that reaches him to his chest and he likes it. Likes to see the red hue on David's skin. How exquisitely the boy's inner muscles had squeezed his dick. Kaz bites his tongue, wills his aching groin to stand down.

”I'm a little hungry. I'll make something. If you get cold, just put on some clothes. Although I have every intention to go for another round.”

 

Kaz grins, just to see David stutter and hide his face.

 

Too goddamn cute for his own good. Kaz just has to grab the boy's waist and pull him against himself and nibble that lip the boy so loves to bite. David blinks at him, tilts his head invitingly. Kaz doesn't fall for it, instead pushes his tongue between lips parting eagerly for him and lets out a hum. David swallows when Kaz departs. Too much and he'll lose all control again. Despite David's bad habits, his lips had remained incredibly soft, made even plumper from all the dick-sucking and kissing from earlier. They'll look deliciously red and raw after Kaz is done with them.

 

He clears his throat and makes his way to the kitchen, crouching to give hugs to his dogs, all eager for some love after their daddy has stopped entertaining the guest. David follows suit, a genuine smile widening on his face when Roscoe especially seems to have taken a liking to him.

”Down, boy,” David laughs and Roscoe whimpers, excitedly going around him and sniffling his bare legs. Kaz doesn't look too long, lest his heart do that nasty jumping trick again. It's just that David has a nice laugh, a nice smile that reminds Kaz that he's a nice boy and shouldn't really even be here.

 

Oh well. He is here now and Kaz will take advantage of that.

”Did you eat at school? I didn't see you at lunch,” Kaz says and goes digging through his fridge. He takes out a beer can and opens one, sighing when it shizzles.

”I'm a big boy,” David says and sits down, laughing aloud once more when Roscoe takes that as an invite to place his front paws on David's lap. ”Good boy, such a handsome, good boy you are,” David murmurs and places a kiss on the dog's cold snout. Roscoe pants, licks David's face. Kaz doesn't watch. It's not like he's the jealous type and Roscoe is his baby.

”Sex burns a lot of calories,” Kaz says nonchalantly and smirks at the way David clears his throat.

”I know. So if you have something nice, of course I'll eat. Nothing for you, handsome boy-” how easily David's attention slips from Kaz to Roscoe. That attention-seeking little pup. Both of them, in fact. Kaz takes a swig of his beer and takes out the remains of yesterday's salad and few ingredients.

 

”I'm gonna make some eggs. That okay with you?”

”Who's a handsome, amazing boy-”

”David.”

”Uhh, yes, yes, eggs are fine.” David grins, laughs as he pushes Roscoe off his lap. ”Stay down, you dumbass, you can't fit on my lap.” Kaz snorts.

”He can try.”

 

Cooking with his prosthetic had been a chore at first, especially before he had gotten this one that actually does what he wants it to do. Even if it had been expensive as hell.

”Can I help you with anything?” Kaz has turned his back to David, he chops off a few vegetables and huffs when his stomach growls.

”Just sit tight, kiddo.”

”Okay!” David's chair creaks as he stands up and leaves, seemingly forgetting his earlier shame about being half-naked. Kaz glances after him, groin twitching at the sight of that ass in his boxers.

 

Damn. He nearly slices at his finger and hastily corrects the way he's holding the knife before more accidents can happen. As he's cooking, David's phone rings and his slightly muffled voice can be heard speaking in the living room. Kaz doesn't eavesdrop, he's not that immoral. He even whistles when he cooks the omelettes, waiting.

 

”Everything okay?” David returns, phone in hand. He sits back down, smiling when he sees that Roscoe has followed. The husky settles down at David's feet.

”Just Eli being Eli. There's nobody at our place now, he's at his girlfriend's or something.”

”I see.”

 

The pan shizzles. The eggs turn golden brown and Kaz flips them over, puts them on plates. He gets a bright smile in return when he places one in front of David.

 

It's such an absurd feeling- to have this. David in his kitchen, wearing his boxers and his marks on his skin, chomping on an omelette. Kaz watches him with a small smile on his own face. David's hand stills.

”What?” If kitchen wasn't a sanctuary for food and eating, Kaz would just grab him and take him again right here. God fucking dammit but he's so far gone for this boy.

 

”You have a little something on your face,” Kaz grins instead and points. David swallows and licks, catching a piece from the corner of his mouth. Kaz huffs and tries to concentrate on eating, on the way Roscoe has noticed they're eating something and watches them with huge, pleading blue eyes.

”No, Roscoe.” Roscoe whines. David snickers.

”I've told you a hundred times, you won't be getting anything from this table. Out!” Roscoe goes around in circles, then returns. Tries David but David turns away, still snickering. Kaz frowns at him before standing up.

 

”Come on, boy. Let's not disturb daddy's other pup when he eats, okay?” It's a little revenge against that amusement. It's worth it when David chokes and goes adorably red in the face. Kaz leads Roscoe out of the kitchen and back to the yard. He keeps the door open for a second, lets the cool air chill his sweat-soaked skin. He shakes his hair free from its ponytail and stretches, every muscle pleasantly sore.

 

”I wanna take a shower.” David is standing close to him, watching him.

”Shower's all yours,” Kaz says and turns fully. He can't help smirking again, not when he sees David's gaze drop down.

”I noticed you have a bath though,” David says and fidgets, fingers on Kaz's arm. Oh? Is the kid playing coy? Kaz can't even keep up, the clever, quick way David switches between coy and naive, between innocent and deeply sexual. It drives him crazy in all the right ways. The boy makes him feel more alive than almost anyone before. Almost like he was a man in his twenties again, before everything happened.

 

”I do indeed,” Kaz huffs, feigning obliviousness. He wants those words come out from David's mouth. ”Tsk, tsk, what did I say about biting your lip?” He pushes a metal finger between David's lips, delighted when the boy sucks it, coats it in his saliva. The intense blue of David's eyes gazes at him beneath his eyelashes.

”Join me?” David's voice has gotten husky. The front of his boxers has tightened. Kaz withdraws his finger, brushes it on David's jaw.

”I'll help you wash, my boy,” Kaz licks his lips. David swallows. ”Let me just get you a towel.” He does, letting David be the first one in the bathroom.

 

Kaz swallows hard when his back is turned, willing his groin to calm the fuck down for a second. Where had that kid learned to be so sinfully seductive, yet so pleasurably naive? Who had taught him to be this way, to dance on the edge of inexperience and experience, to suck dick like he was dying for it. Kaz gropes his own bulge and hums as he looks for another fluffy towel. He commands Roscoe away from the kitchen and closes the door after himself when he goes into the bathroom.

 

David has already shed the black boxers, folding them neatly on the toilet seat. He's crouched by the bathtub, tinkering with the faucets. Already the bathroom is filling with humidity, the short strands in David's neck curling from it. Kaz takes off his glasses, placing them on the tiny shelf above the sink.

”The cold tap is a little tight. You have to wrench it pretty hard,” he says and places the towel next to his. He openly admires the boy's shape as he takes off his own boxers. The kid hadn't asked about the rails next to the shower stall and the tub. Was probably smart enough to realize what they were for.

Kaz starts the usual process of taking off his leg prosthetic as it didn't take too kindly to water and was a shit to handle anyway.

 

”Could I-” David stills as he turns, watching him. ”Do you have to take it off everytime you take a shower?” Kaz nods.

”I need a new one to be honest, but these things are expensive. Especially if you want it waterproofed. Thankfully I get to keep this one.” He wiggles his eyebrows as well as his prosthetic hand. David grins, rubs his nose. Kaz sighs as he finally gets the last strap and lock off and can yank off his leg prosthetic. He takes a hold of one of the railings and opens the door just a bit to be able to put it out of it.

 

”What were you going to ask?” He gets back down on the toilet seat, rubbing his stump. David doesn't stare anymore, instead has stood up to try the water with his foot. The boy clearly hesitates, rubbing his sweaty neck.

”I was just.. thinking... could I ..” Kaz raises his eyebrows. Goddamn his shitty eyesight.

”I want to touch you,” David says finally and turns. His dick has risen, that much is clear no matter how the boy tries to hide it. Kaz blinks before he smirks, gets himself up. Even accepts David's help in getting into the tub.

”Well, I can't deny you. You have been a very good boy after all,” he murmurs and sighs deeply when he can finally sit down on the tub. David's face brightens instantly and he gets behind Kaz, constantly asking if it's okay, if Kaz is absolutely sure until Kaz tosses a sponge at him.

 

”If you want to ask something, just ask,” Kaz says after a moment of silence. He takes a deep breath, splashes water to his face. Looks over his shoulder to see what he thought he might see: David staring at his back, then at his face.

 

”You have so many scars,” the kid says, finally turning to find the soap. Kaz snags his other sponge, fresh out of the package and wets it, pouring a generous amount of liquid soap on it.

”That I do.” David's finger trails down one of the scars, a bullet hole just behind Kaz's ribs. Kaz hums.

”Do you like them?” He starts rubbing down his arms and neck, wondering if he should shave soon.

”You're.. you're really hot, Master.” There the boy goes on. Master and all. Soft lips on Kaz's neck, then lower, a sponge slithering upwards from his lower back. Kaz snorts, rubs his sponge down his side.

”Why, thank you.”

 

He had been handsome. He had been a pretty face, a smoothfaced womanizer years and years ago. The scars had happened one by one, bitter black years sucking away the man he had been. To think someone could still see it.

 

David finds the longest scar that runs from one shoulderblade all the way to Kaz's shoulder and licks it, his hands moving in hypnotizing circles on Kaz's back.

”I'm going to pop a boner if you continue to do that,” Kaz says, his voice a little rough. His own washing has slowed as his attention is diverted, distracted by David's presence.

”That's the idea,” David murmurs and then the lips are gone, replaced by a warm, soapy sponge.

”You are quite the minx, my sweet boy.” Kaz washes his inner thighs and down his legs, already ready by now to the faint tingle of phantom pain on his missing limb. He ignores it and goes on, leans forward.

 

David washes his back and is absolutely silent while doing so. Kaz listens to his breathing, can't quite help a shiver when David pushes his long hair away. The washing turns into a half-hearted massage, Kaz pulling his legs closer to himself and closing his eyes. He lets out a soft groan when David's fingertips brush up and down, increasing pressure when needed and moving away when Kaz lets out a pained wince.

 

”Ah, fuck,” David groans, pulling away. ”I'm- this turns me on too much, sorry.” Kaz grabs the shampoo bottle and looks over his shoulder. The water is soapy enough to hide David's erection but the expression on the kid's face is enough.

”You're the one who wanted to touch me. Are you backing out now?” David's face forms a pout.

”I'm not-”

”Me fucking you was so good you can't even think you could do better?” What a delightful little expression appears on David's face then. Maybe the kid is as competitive as his brother then? Kaz wets his lips.

 

”Stay still, kiddo,” he says then and turns around. Obediently David doesn't move, watching him and panting slightly. Kaz shifts and sits down on his lap, face to face. Instantly David raises his knees just enough to support Kaz's behind.

”Does an old man have to do everything by himself?” Kaz asks when David just sits, his erection now even more obvious. Kaz rubs shampoo in his hair and smiles when David's hands slips between them, wrapping around both of their dicks.

”Good, good boy,” Kaz purrs and grabs the shower head, washing away the shampoo. He blinks drops of water from his eyes and then leans, grabs David for a kiss.

 

David moans, pushing his hips up.

”I'm not too heavy?” David shakes his head, his tongue flickering to taste his lips after Kaz withdraws.

”N-no, stay.” Kaz takes the opportunity to start shampooing the kid's hair then, biting the inside of his cheek when his cock twitches in the boy's grip.

”You're squeezing too tight,” he scolds and urges for David to close his eyes.

”Sorry.”

 

The wet squelch of their cocks sliding together echoes in the bathroom. Kaz rubs the shampoo in David's hair and thoroughly enjoys the soft, pleased hums the boy has started to let out. He gives the thick mess of hair a little tug and pushes harder into David's hands when he sees how David's mouth opens in a moan.

”Does my little boy like it a little rough?” Kaz murmurs and tugs again, hard enough to yank David's head back. David blinks at his face, panting harder.

 

”I want to choke on your cock, Master,” he moans, already spilling into the bathwater. Kaz swallows his sounds in a kiss and rubs his scalp, rolling his hips constantly against David. David pumps their dicks, writhing and squirming as Kaz sucks on his tongue.

”Bring me to completion, baby.” Kaz's hips push harder, rougher. David's wrists have got to ache at this point but the kid doesn't stop, helplessly groaning and pumping harder. David's muscles are tight already, but even more they tense as he wraps his other arm around Kaz and smushes his face against Kaz's chest, getting a nipple into his mouth. Kaz isn't generally a nippleplay-person but David has found the right timing.

 

Soon enough Kaz is bucking his hips too, adding his own load to the stained bathwater. Some of it sloshes over to the floor but neither cares. He rolls his hips through it, pulling David's hair and biting his lips, chuckling when David snarls.

”You're a goddamn dream come true, David,” Kaz purrs. David leans against his hands, even closes his eyes when Kaz rubs his cheek. David nuzzles his neck and sighs when Kaz massages his shoulders.

 

”My ass is pretty sore,” David murmurs. ”I don't know if I can.. do it again today.”

”That's okay. We've got plenty of time.” Kaz wets his lips, doesn't pull away yet from David's lap. The boy seems perfectly content to hold him there, his arms sneaking around Kaz's midsection.

”Thankfully sex isn't all about penetration,” Kaz adds and tugs on David's blushing earlobe. David's grip tightens, his breath hot on Kaz's neck.

 

”I- I want to give you a rimjob.” Kaz stills. David's fingertips brush his ass, his thighs, come close to his stump. The kid still doesn't raise his head. Kaz strokes his back, feeling a twitch in his groin at the feel of David's smooth, lean muscles. It shows that the kid trains almost daily.

”Mil- Kaz? Is that okay?” David raises his head, looking up at him with a questioning gaze. Once more with the lip-biting. Kaz pushes his thumb in, smirks when David licks it, eyes still on him.

”Aren't you kind to an old geezer like me, my sweet boy,” Kaz murmurs. He brushes David's lips with his thumb. David blinks, his eyes so intensely bright and passionate that heat surges through Kaz.

 

”Can I?” His grip is quite tight around Kaz's waist.

”Well, when you look at me so pleadingly,” Kaz starts, tilts his head. ”You are really too cute for your own good.” His toes curl at the thought. When had anyone done that to him; he had mostly dated women anyway and none of them particularly adventurous. Aside from a few hook-ups. Maybe that's why all of his relationships with women had failed- he had never gotten to show how much he liked to take it. Not even with Nadine who had often liked to be the one in control.

 

”Let me just clean up myself for you.” David's eyes widen as he leans back when Kaz pulls away from himself. His smile remains, secretive, persistent. The sponge vanishes beneath the surface, followed by David's gaze. Kaz spreads his legs, holding the edge of the tub for balance. He holds David's gaze for as long as he washes his groin and his ass, wonders if the kid realizes Kaz had pushed a finger in. Doing it to himself had never been one of his favourite things and even now it feels a little odd so he jams it further in, letting out a gasp.

 

”Ma-” David's word gets stuck on his throat. Kaz grunts, tries another finger and takes a few deep breaths, pulls them out. He finishes washing with his satisfied, warm body buzzing.

”We're going to have to work on your stamina, darling boy,” Kaz says when he starts to raise himself from the tub. ”It wouldn't do if you came before you could get inside me, right?” David makes a strangled sound.

”My balls are going to explode at this rate,” he says and hides his face when Kaz chuckles.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first a few chapters of pure fucking, then it's time for drama, ok
> 
> i hope everyone's ready for some bottom!Kaz


	27. fever dreams continue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which David doesn't ever plan to leave Miller's bed. Or his cabin. Or his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more rimming, more fingerfucking and sleepy cuddles. the first instance of delicious bottom!kaz.

How they even make it to bed is beyond David's comprehension. The bedroom door is closed after them, only the dim lamp on the nightstand illuminating them. David is straddling his teacher, hands on his chest. Stroking, caressing. He's moving, grinding their growing erections together with tired, slow movements. The bath had made him drowsy, fucking on the couch had been a strain on his body. Still David shivers, wants to do this one more thing. Miller is stroking his hair, his other hand tugged behind his head. David's head is tugged into another bruising, wet kiss. David runs his thumb through Miller's damp, warm skin, on the jagged line of a scar that runs through Miller's breastbone. He flicks a nipple and enjoys the slight twitch in Miller.

 

”I'm going to fall asleep if you don't go lower soon, kiddo,” Miller murmurs. He's without his glasses once more and without his leg prosthetic, yet there is nothing vulnerable about him. He might be the one under David but everything about him screams confidence.

”You smell really good,” David says, but does slip lower, nuzzling Miller's stubble. There is always a lingering sweet smell on Miller's skin but now he smells faintly of his green tea soap and David can't get enough. He inhales, sucks on Miller's throat but not for long enough to leave a mark.

”That soap is like aphrodisiac to you. Good to know,” Miller chuckles and gives his head a push.

 

David frowns up at him but obeys, stills by Miller's nipples.

”They're a little- nh-” what an interesting, rumbling groan Miller lets out when David traces the shape of the small, dark nub with his tongue. He nibbles on it and is rewarded with a moan.

”Leav- leave them be, kiddo-” David doesn't want to, not when this happens. He gets his hands on Miller's sides and sucks the nipple in his mouth. His head is promptly yanked away from it. Miller is pulling his hair again, staring at him with such gleam in his eyes.

 

”They're... fuck. They're sensitive. Leave them be, kiddo.” Miller's grip loosens. David wets his lips. His own erection is hard as a rock between his thighs and he grinds it on the sheets.

”There's nothing to be embarrassed about having sensitive spots, teach,” David finds himself saying, a grin threatening to break out.

”Brat,” Miller growls and gets on his elbows, pushing David forcefully lower. David gladly goes, situates himself between Miller's thighs, pushes them open. It takes some manouevering to get to a position that doesn't instantly start hurting his back but he finds it, wraps his arms around Miller's thighs and smushes his face against Miller's groin.

 

Deep inhales get his dick twitching again. Lower down, his nose against Miller's curved shaft, the scent of unmistakable arousal and that delicious soap is even stronger. David moans audibly, pushes his own dick harder against the sheets. Miller squirms under him but not to push away, to get himself into a better position. He's reached for a few pillows and pushed them under his head and pillow, supporting him better. David takes the bottle of lube Miller tosses to him and snifs at it.

”Strawberry?” Miller scoffs.

”Strawberry's fucking delicious. Now more doing, less yapping,” he huffs and gives David a nudge with his foot.

 

David nods, cheeks burning feverishly. He licks his way up and down Miller's shaft and pours a generous amount of lube on his hands. He drops the bottle a couple of times but manages, his hands shaking only a little when he wraps the other around Miller. Guides the tip into his mouth and sucks.

 

”Rimming and a blowjob? Boy, you're spoiling your old man,” Miller murmurs from up above. His hand descends to David's hair, tugs on dark strands. David mumbles but it's muffled as he sucks deeper then back up, then back down.

”I said I can't resist your dick,” David says, quietly when his mouth is free once more. He bites the inside of his cheek and strokes Miller, glances up. Miller is staring at him, unreadable. Heat rushes through David, hotter and more piercing than before.

  
He wasn't like this with Fox, not this open, not so mouthy. His newfound courage excites him, makes him tease Miller's tip and circle around it with his mouth instead of sucking.

”You're not uncut like me,” David remarks and trails the largest vein with his tongue. Guides the cock gently over his swollen, bruised red lips. Miller is still on his elbows, hand on David's hair.

”No.” The man definitely sounds more husky. ”Not a habit in my family. Now stop talking.” David grins, glad when Miller's eyes narrow. Maybe he's getting to Miller, deeper than just pet names and mere sex. Maybe.

 

David continues to blow Miller, stroking and sucking, tilting his head to the side to try a different angle. He's not a professional at it, but he figures he's gotten good enough to please anyone.

”Slow down a little, kiddo. As much as I want to come on your face, now is not the time,” Miller gives his hair a tug again and David tries his hardest to keep up a slower, steady rhythm. He shifts his other hand under Miller, slipping it between Miller's asscheeks. A shiver runs through him when he finds his goal, mimicking Miller's movements from earlier. This is a faintly foreign area to David: he'd mostly gotten it done to himself instead of the other way around.

 

Miller's dick plops out of his mouth and David takes a proper hold of Miller's thighs, pushes them up and closer to his chest. He presses his tongue against tight balls, takes the push on his head as an urging to go on. Miller's heat seems to have gathered here because this area of him is sizzling, almost too hot to touch. David has to wonder if Miller's every nerve is on fire like his, if this is as incredible to Miller as it is to him. David's eyes flutter close as he sucks on Miller's balls, his slicked fingertip tracing the puckered entrance. He swallows hard as he pushes the fingertip in.

 

”How long?” David groans. His fingertip is sucked in. It nearly brings tears to his eyes. To think Miller lets him do this, to touch him like this. Miller smells and feels so good, almost as good as it felt when Miller was fucking him. Immoral or not, sinful or not, David hopes it happens again and again and again.

”What?” Miller's grip on his hair tightens. David takes a deep breath, withdraws his finger.

”Since anyone did this to you?” He goes for it, parts those tight buttocks and licks.

”A whi- yes, go for it, my boy. Such a good boy.” In this position David can't see Miller but he doesn't need that when he can feel and hear and smell. His muscles tense up when he pulls Miller's crotch closer, almost mimicking the time when Miller first did this to him. He attacks with long, languid licks, spreading his saliva and lube on the entrance. It's less about trying to loosen it up for intrusion and more about listening to what makes Miller twitch and squirm.

 

If David gets loud, then Miller gets talkative.

”Take it slow, my boy. J-just like that. Slow.” David's hair is grabbed, his head practically locked where he is. He doesn't mind though, not when he's got something this sensitive and intoxicating. He alternates between quick jabs of tongue and long swipes, twirls the tip of his tongue on the muscle that practically vibrates under his attention. How long he keeps going at it, he doesn't know and doesn't particularly care. Miller's tenses and relaxes against him, his hips bumping in a way that tells David he's started to jerk himself off.

 

”Good boy, you're such a good boy, David, push your tongue in, go on-” David hums and goes for it, jabs his tongue inside that wettening hole. Miller growls, burns even hotter under David's hands. His voice has gotten rough, twitchy.

”F-fuck, fuck, yes- you can add a finger if you want, dear boy,” Miller purrs, carding his hand through David's hair. Wet sounds of licking echo in the room, David licking and sucking to his heart's content. Only when his lips start to feel numb he shifts, pushes a finger in. He doesn't even dare to look for the fear of spilling his load right then and there. It's enough to have every other sense of his assaulted by the utter debauchery of the situation.

 

Miller curses above him, keeps a tight hold of David's head as David continues his attack. One finger has turned into two. They scissor, they twist, they dive deep inside Miller's hot, wet insides. They clutch David's fingers so tight that he wonders what might happen if and when he gets to stick his dick inside. He moans and feels his pre-cum staining his own groin. In his buzzed aroused haze he nearly misses the sound of a clicking camera phone.

 

Blinking, fingers still moving, David raises his head. Click. Miller is holding his phone and smirking at him.

”Something to remember you by, baby. Go back to work.” David opens his mouth to protest but Miller's thighs press on his shoulders, hard and muscular and he's too turned on to offer much protest anyway.

 

He jams his fingers further in, keeps moving them in circular motions and licking the rim with gentle swipes of his tongue. Losing himself in it is easy, his ears filling up with the noise he's making, his body overworked and sensitive. Miller soon starts bucking in his grip, his hand on David's hair pushing so hard David almost can't breathe. He fingers Miller harder, wrapping his other hand around Miller's dick. It's swollen and leaking, ready to burst.

”I can't-” David finally whines when pressure builds up in his own stomach, his lips numb. Saliva and lube have spread on his mouth, he keeps licking but the wetness remains.

 

”Come on up, come on,” Miller gives his hand a tug and David does, moves upwards again. He's taken into Miller's arms, his mouth taken by Miller's gentle one.

”You did good, very good.” The praise is pleasing to hear, David's dick throbbing even harder. At this point he'd do everything to be praised and complimented by Miller, to know he did good. Miller guides his hand back between them to their dicks, grinding them together. Everything is way too slick, too wet, their skin damp and slicked with lube and pre-cum and saliva. David's lips and tongue tingle but Miller still kisses him, sucks on his tongue no matter how disgusting it should have been. David's hips buck rather helplessly against their shared handjob, closer and closer, he whines Miller's name- ”Kaz, Kaz, _Kaz”_ \- as he comes. Miller comes a little later, with a satisfied grunt and coats their hands and stomachs in semen.

 

”I really wanted to fuck you,” David says, rolls to lay on his back. ”But I'm really tired.”

”Oh, David,” Miller's murmur echoes from somewhere in his vicinity. ”You've got a lot to learn.” David is out like a light before he can even reply. He drifts between the dream and the waking world, barely aware that Miller slips out of the bed and then later comes back to clean him. Deeper into sleep David falls when he's tugged against Miller, his arm over Miller's chest. Maybe he imagines the kiss on his forehead, maybe he doesn't. He sleeps soundly all the way to the morning.

 

Which finds him alone in the messed up bed.

 

David groans, the room filled with sunlight. His mouth tastes like shit, his body aches with every movement. He dives further under the Miller-smelling sheets and squeezes his eyes closed. A smile tugs his lips when memories flood back from yesterday. They had finally done it. After weeks on dancing around each other, after weeks of hasty blowjobs and kisses, he had finally gotten Miller to fuck him. David hides his face into a pillow and sighs, deeply.

 

”David.” David groans.

”Not yet.” So that's why his mouth feels like crap. He just knows he's blushing all the way from his ears to his toes. Where had that forwardness come from? It wasn't like him to just .. go for it.

”David.” It's got to be Miller. He's amused. The bed dips under his weight.

”And here I was thinking you could join me for a walk. I made breakfast.” Miller's hand finds his thigh and pats it, gives it a squeeze.

 

Only then David becomes aware of just how naked he is. He slips his head from the covers, blinks at Miller. His mentor is dressed in his most casual, his grey collegepants clearly having seen a lot of life, his ratty band-shirt even more. His hair is tucked into a lazy bun-ponytail-combination. It's a surprisingly homely look but David figures Miller doesn't particularly care what he looks like anyway.

 

”Uh,” David says. Miller smiles.

”Your clothes are on that chair. I put on the washing machine just now.” So that's what the rumble from the other room is.”

”Thanks. You really didn't .. have to.” Miller huffs.

”You are my guest, David. I'd rather you leave my place not thinking I'm an irresponsible adult who can't take care of simple household tasks.”

David shifts, sits up. The blanket falls down, he scrunches it up on his lap. Although what he's hiding, he's not quite sure of. Miller had gotten acquiantanced with every part of him yesterday, after all.

”Then again, fucking you was a little irresponsible,” Miller says casually. David clears his throat.

”Please go away,” he says. Miller stands up with a chuckle and leaves the room.

 

He leaves the door open. David hesitantly climbs up, goes straight to his bag to dig up a fresh pair of briefs. He's barely gotten to put them on when a stampede of dogs mows him over. David has no strength in him to protest when five more or less eager dogs act like they haven't seen him for years. It's impossible to say hello to all of them. Roscoe David recognizes instantly, the dog has clearly fallen in love with him with the way he keeps butting David with his head, his tail banging against his siblings.

 

”Good morning to you too, handsome boys and girls,” David murmurs and crouches. He's covered in slobber and doggy love but he minds it little. A warmth has blossomed in his chest, huge and overpowering. It's a truth he has known for a while. He looks up and grins when he sees Miller, holding up a coffee cup. With the glasses it's hard to tell what Miller thinks but something about his smile is different, softer.

”Come eat, pup,” Miller murmurs.

 


	28. you could be here with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obnoxious amount of flirting.

It's one of the most peaceful Saturdays Kaz has had. He watches David play with the dogs with an odd tightening in his chest. He doesn't even have to force David to come with him to take the dogs out, finds himself laughing along when Roscoe tugs the unsuspecting David ahead with him, tumbling down on the partly frozen grass. The weather has gotten more and more colder and already Kaz isn't looking forward to having his joints grow older and stiffer with each winter.

 

He might be looking forward to having David with him in his cabin during the coldest nights, cuddling by the fireplace. Fucking cuddling. Not just getting to know every inch of David's delicious body but having his arms around him and hearing David laugh. He's such a lost case for the kid that it's undesirable, irritating, frustrating. Unnecessary.

 

Yet. He takes David inside, both breathless and red-cheeked, the dogs spreading dirt everywhere. They clean five pairs of paws and one particularly dirty nose- ”no, Roscoe, stay still-!” - and change clothes too. Kaz takes that opportunity to molest David on the bed, pushing up his shirt to kiss his flat stomach. David's mouth is open, his muscles tense.

 

”Are we.. are we going to do it again today?” Kaz's tongue tickles David's navel, making the kid squirm.

”Whatever might you mean, dear David?” David takes off the shirt entirely and gets on his elbows. Kaz glances up, at that messed up brown hair and plump, kissable lips. The kid's frown is endearing so Kaz leans to kiss his groin but quickly moves away before the kid's cock decides to come to life.

 

”Oh, you know- come on,” David grumbles. Kaz doesn't mention that the kid is definitely pouting at this point, lest he get pushed off.

”Are you that attracted to me, David?” It's worth asking, just to see how David avoids his gaze.

 

Interesting. Kaz climbs over David, straddling the kid's lap.

”I'm not hearing an answer, kiddo,” Kaz says and tweaks one peaked nipple. David flinches, frowns at him.

”I did.. tell you you're hot last night,” David finally says, looks away again. Kaz watches him, caresses his skin and smirks when it raises into goosebumps under his rough fingertips.

 

”You have an interesting taste in men, David,” Kaz huffs. He chuckles when David groans, hides his face under his hands.

”Nothing wrong with my taste in men. I'm not gay, it's just-”

”Just me, then? Oh sweetheart, I am flattered.” David lets out such a frustrated groan that Kaz has to laugh, even when the kid shoves him off himself.

 

”Why are you so embarrassed, kiddo-”

”You are such a geezer, oh my god-” David rolls on his stomach and sighs. Kaz pats him on the ass, lets his ass linger on the delightful, round curves.

”But I fucked you good, didn't I?” David lets out a choked noise. Kaz's pat turns into a slap.

”Yeah, I guess,” David murmurs. Kaz slaps him on the ass again. ”Come on, stop it-” David groans, tries to choke himself to death on the pillow.

 

But his body is curved, his ass pushed closer to Kaz, his muscles more tense.

”Kiddo,” Kaz purrs, wraps himself around David from behind, kisses his neck. ”You aren't getting horny, are you?”

”Maybe,” David's muffled answer comes. His toes are curled. ”I like... ” the rest of the sentence vanishes into inaudible mumbling. Kaz yanks down David's trousers, just so that David's round, firm ass is bare. He presses a warm palm against it and massages, giving it another slap.

 

”What was that, sweetheart? I didn't quite catch that.” David's body jolts. This kid is a dream, something straight out of Kaz's dirtiest wet dreams. Whatever he hopes for, the kid wants it.

”I said...” David turns his head, just enough so Kaz can see the side of his mouth, curled up. The sheer want in his eye.

”Spank me.”

 

Lost goddamn case. Sometimes Kaz wonders if he's dreamt David up, the boy's too perfect, too obedient.

 

”Oh, kiddo. Are you sure? Because I will. I've wanted to see what your ass would look like all red and raw and sensitive- David, you're a little bit of a masochist, are you?” The kid's face had turned redder with each word, his breathing harder.

”Please. Please.” Kaz's own groin has started to stir. He licks his lips. Screw this day's training, if the kid wants a spanking then Kaz is no one to deny him. Not when David is gazing up at him, when his hand is reaching for Kaz.

 

”Come on my lap then, baby,” Kaz murmurs and moves back on the bed, his back against the stack of pillows. David crawls close, his dark strands flopping over his eyebrows, his lips wet. He settles on Kaz's lap on all fours, gratefully accepting the pillow Kaz gives him for his head.

”Have you been spanked before?” Kaz tugs David's pants all the way to his knees and rubs his palm s together, warming them up.

 

”Yeah,” David mutters, his thighs separating. Kaz wonders who it was. Who took David's virginity, who was the first to get to guide his dick between David's lips. Too bad it wasn't him. He would have made it good, would have loved to hear the first cries David makes when he's penetrated. At least he gets to have David now.

 

The first slap elicits nothing but a twitch, but the second already a hitch of breath.

”Who was it?” Another. David jolts. Kaz keeps his other hand on David's back, rubbing and massaging, running his nails down in long stripes.

”W-what?” Another. Another. David squirms, groans when Kaz slips his middle finger between David's buttocks to brush his asshole.

”Who was the first man who had you? I wish it would have been me. I would have loved to have been your first.” Kaz continues to murmur, to press heavy lust in each of his words. After a couple of words, he lets his palm descend on one firm buttock. Slowly the skin starts to redden. He loves how his fingertips dig deep into the tight, firm flesh.

 

”I-it,” David swallows audibly, his erection pressing against Kaz's thigh. ”A family friend.” This time a moan breaks out. Kaz ignores the stir of his own groin.

”How old were you? Underage?” Slap. Slap. David whimpers, pushing his dick against Kaz. Kaz grabs a fistful of dark hair and yanks. ”Answer me, baby.”

”S-sixteen. He was... it was all me. I had a, shit, it's- hard-” A wet spot has started to spread on Kaz's groin. He wets his lips again.

 

”Something else is hard too, baby. No, no, stay still, sweetheart. Don't move too much.” It takes its toll for David to do so but he manages. Kaz is proud of the kid's self-restraint.

”He was thirty-seven,” David murmurs, cries out when Kaz gives him a harder slap, the flesh of his ass bouncing a little from the force of it.

 

”Always had a taste for old men, have you?”

”I had a crush on him,” David tries but he's leaking hard on Kaz's thigh, even trying to raise his head to look at him.

”And me? Does my little boy have a crush on me too?” Kaz's heart thumps a little louder at the silence that follows, he's so oddly aware of how hard David is breathing. The kid's ass has warmed up. His palms have gotten sweaty, have started to tremble.

”I- I-” David stutters, hesitates. Kaz aims both of his palms on David's buttocks now, enjoys the way the kid cries out, pushes out a curse. The kid doesn't generally swear but when he does, it comes out as a string of words, colourful and filthy.

 

”Oh baby boy, oh David,” Kaz whispers, wishing not for the first time, not for the last that he could write poetry out of the sheer beauty of the boy's body and soul. He urges for the kid to get up on his knees and kiss him. David moans, grabs him instantly and kisses him, tilts his head to let Kaz explore his mouth. And his body. Kaz instantly wraps his hand around the kid's cock and his ass, starting to stroke him.

 

”Come, David. Come on.” He bites David's jaw, nuzzles the side of his nose. David is pushing and pulling, tugging on Kaz's ponytail.

”Kaz,” David groans, getting himself another kiss. Kaz pulls his foreskin back and up, rubs the tip until David cries. He hangs onto Kaz's shirt, his breathing wet and hot.

”Come on, baby, you're doing so good,” Kaz keeps purring, keeps stroking. ”Come for your uncle Kaz.”

”Shouldn't- nh- shouldn't I- I- call you- Daddy-” The mouth on this kid. Kaz shuts him off with his tongue, swallows David's cries when the boy finally comes.

  
It wouldn't do to admit how his blood had flared up at that dangerous, immoral word. He coaxes David through a stuttering, sticky climax, squeezes and strokes the sensitive tip and slicks up his entire palm in salty, white flow.

 

He spends quite some time afterwards just having a naked, sated David in his arms and kissing him like he had never kissed anyone before.

”How does your ass feel?” Kaz asks when they have stopped for air, when David is once again on his lap, his hand fisting Kaz's shirt.

 

”Raw,” David whispers. His lips look bruised. Kaz has to touch them, trail his forefinger over them. Such sweetness, such softness. It takes all Kaz has to not just blurt the truth out. That he wants to see and hear and feel David always, every day, everywhere. That he no longer cares so much about losing his job, his friends if he gets to memorize every single cry and moan and whimper.

 

”-z? Master Miller?” Kaz blinks. Had he drifted off so much? David is hot on his lap, having only bothered to pull up his boxers.

”Are you okay?” So like David to ask Kaz if he's okay. The kid doesn't need to know.

”Don't ask, kiddo. Now, let's get up and eat something.”

 

David grumbles, snuggles further into the embrace.

”You're warm, Kaz,” he says. Kaz takes a deep breath.

”And you're heavy. Get off, kiddo. Do you want another spanking?” David looks up, eyes wider.

”Don't play this innocent game with me.” Kaz pinches David's nose, snorts when David shoots him a fierce look.

 

”I'm not playing-”

”Get off, kiddo. We'll have the entire night to fuck around again.” David does get up, but his legs are obviously weak. Kaz helps steady him, eagerly takes his weight against himself when Roscoe starts barking and jumping, wondering why he was left outside of a locked bedroom door again.

 

”Down, boy!” Roscoe circles around them, wagging his tail so hard it bangs against their legs, his sister Snowy and the small drawer. Kaz sighs.

”What do you want to eat, David? I'll make dinner.” David crouches to stroke Roscoe, laughing when his face is licked.

”Something East-Asian. Or we could just order take-out.” Kaz scoffs, moves away.

”Takeout. Kiddo, don't you have any taste?”

”I do.” Kaz looks over his shoulder. David eyes his ass and grins at him.

 

”Brat,” Kaz says.

”Master,” David says.

 

If only every Saturday was like this. Warm, peaceful. Kaz being able to forget his broken body, his splintered mind and just focus on someone so devoted and beautiful.

 

He's in love with the kid, that's the plain truth. He doesn't acknowledge it, doesn't want to acknowledge it. David is bright, David is naive. David is made of light and has a bright future. Men like Kaz don't belong in such places. He'll just take and take and take.

 

And the worst part is, David will let him. David opens his heart and legs for him, entire body vibrating with need for him. How will Kaz ever live on without David?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead! this is important lmao but still feels like a filler.
> 
> i broke my laptop's keyboard, some keys are fucked up for good so i had to wait to get a new one. i ordered one, it proved to be a fucking bust ANd only now i got another that actually fucking works
> 
> back to our regularly scheduled gayporn


	29. pump the brakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is good. Then it isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that feeling when i wrote two pages already and the entire thing vanished because i apparently pressed the wrong button. so this is not as good as the first draft was gonna be. sob.

Thunder rumbles far in the distance, it growls and roars like a live beast. Rain-heavy clouds hang low in the sky and the occasional lightning illuminates the two intertwines bodies on the bed. Being woken by a dick pressing into him is a new experience but not something David minds. Not when his ass had given away easily enough, not when Miller had spent such a long time gently stroking and kissing him awake. It's clear Miller had woken up just now too, his voice is sleep-rough and his movements less co-ordinated than usual. David is still eager to be embraced from behind, to be thrust in from behind like this. His own body twisted, other leg in the air for better balance. The way Miller is grabbing that leg is sure to leave bruises but David already has many of those and he doesn't mind any of them. Not when they're made by Miller. He manages to reach with his hand to tug on Miller's hair, to kiss him, to lazily twine their tongues together.

 

Miller thrusts in slow, partly on purpose because of the awkward, twisted position but partly because the man's a goddamn tease.

He spends more time in kissing than fucking, more time in stroking up and down David's chest with the arm he has wrapped around David's waist.

He spends more time talkin than kissing, words scattered between kisses and sleepy groans, between firm, but slow thrusts.

”You know how goddamn gorgeous you are, sweetheart? You were moaning in your sleep, spreading your legs like to invite me in,” Miller purrs, his fingers wrapping lightly around David's throat.

¨

”I-” David starts, stutters when Miller's next thrust is a more forceful one, momentarily robbing David's lungs of air.

”Were you dreaming of me?”

”Yes,” David manages, taking huge gulps of air when Miller stops once more, lodged deep inside of him. This time Miller stays still longer, clearly enjoying it when David squirms.

”What, do you wanna hear details? Move,” David grumbles, trying to move his hips further back but Miller evades him, the fingers around David's throat squeezing a little harder. The dream had been like reality. But hotter, warmer. More certain. Miller had been- Miller had been in love with him, his touches less rough, his filthy words filled with his twisted, painful love.

 

”Fuck, you feel so good, David. My filthy little boy. Do you like my fingers on your throat?” David's Adam's apple bops as he swallows. He goes to grab Miller's wrist, to keep his hand where it is.

”You can do it harder but just, move- please move-” He can hardly keep his eyes open but his body throbs with heated need.

”Just a moment, my boy,” Miller purrs and gently pulls out, pushes David on his stomach. David gasps, tries to get up but Miller slaps his ass, grabs each cheek in hand and pushes in again. He presses himself against David, hands roaming David's lean muscles, moving to grab both his throat and his cock.

 

”Oh fuck,” David groans and grabs a handful of pillows and sheets, anything that he can hold onto when Miller starts to slam his dick in a repetition of last night.

”You feel amazing,” Miller growls and bites hard on his shoulder, rubs his throat with more force than necessary. He pulls in and out, again and again in a steady rhythm like a machine. He rubs and strokes, makes David squirm with every twist and turn of his wrist, with all the filthy words he spills on David's skin.

 

”Make me come, please,” David whines, begs for his release when Miller jams himself in, his balls slapping against David's ass with each thrust. Miller squeezes, David gasps for air but never tells Miller to stop.

”Harder, you can do it harder, I don't- nh- I don't mind, please-” he babbles and writhes, keeps himself as spread and open as possible.

”You're so beautiful, David. You're so wonderfully tight and perfect inside,” Miller purrs, licks a sweatdrop from behind David's ear. The bed, sturdy and trustworthy, doesn't even creak no matter how hard Miller fucks him.

 

The entire weekend has been a dream come true. David can't believe his luck that someone as interesting and fascinating as Miller had taken a shine to him, had taken him to his bed. It helps that Miller is gorgeous himself, his body amazing for a man his age, his dirty talk the kind that drives David up the wall with need. Like now when he moans Miller's name as he comes, his moans turning into wails when he's squeezed and strokes, his dick milked out of every single drop. Still Miller remains inside him, thrusting furiously. David claws at the sheets helplessly now that Miller has grabbed his hips and can drive inside with more ferocity.

 

”David, f-fuck, David, you're everything I've ever wanted,” Miller murmurs and finally, finally David can feel his dick twitch and start spilling his heavy, warm load. It spills on David's ass and thighs as Miller pulls out in the middle. Judging by the groans, he's jerking himself to completion. David sighs, takes a deep breath and lets himself flop back down. Everything Miller's ever wanted. They're just words. Like Miller calling him baby or sweetheart or his. David can feel his blush on him.

 

”Damn, kiddo,” Miller's voice finally comes to. It sounds rougher than before. ”I'm going to miss you on my bed.” David bites his lip, shifts. He has to squeeze his eyes closed, but it only makes him feel things a lot better: like the semen sticky and drying on his skin, drizzling out of his used ass. Like the ache everywhere on his body.

”Cat got your tongue?” Miller's palm descends on his ass in a small slap. David huffs.

”Excuse me for being momentarily speechless,” he murmurs. Miller massages the part he just slapped, letting out a pleased hum.

”Ass-fetishist,” David continues. Miller snorts, chuckles.

”The mouth on you, you brat.”

 

David winces when Miller bites his asscheek, his laughter bubbling up in his voice. David raises his head from the pillow, throws his mentor a look. Miller is watching him, sitting crosslegged. Who could have known the feared Hell Master could look this raw, this open? His hair is open from its ponytail, freely spilling over his shoulders. He's without his glasses, his milky, pale blue eyes shifting slightly from side to side. He's not wearing his leg prosthetic, the scars on his stump clearly visible. David's chest tightens at the sight of him.

 

”Like what you see?” Miller smirks. David scoffs.

”You're so grope-y,” he says instead and flops back down. Turns his head enough to be able to see Miller.   
”What can I say, kiddo, you have an amazing body,” Miller shrugs. David wets his lips, shifts like to hide himself from his mentor's gaze.

”Now now, don't be embarrassment. Own up to being sexy.” David groans, this time out of frustration.

”Just a bit of advice.” Miller pats his ass.

”Nobody calls me sexy,” David murmurs. The tips of his ears must be as red as a fire engine by now.

”But that you are.” The bed shifts when Miller gets up, judging by the clanging he looks for his discarded leg prosthetic.

 

David yawns, tries to ignore the wetness between his legs. He turns to watch Miller put the prosthetic on.

”Are you going to get up or do you want breakfast in bed? As well as five very loving dogs?” David sticks out his tongue. Miller digs out a pair of fresh briefs and his glasses and huffs.

”Dogs and breakfast in bed it is. You better eat everything you get then, sweetheart.” There it is again. Sweetheart. David sits up and chews on his lip, watches Miller go to the door.

”Get me a towel so I can clean myself up, okay? You're the one who fucked me into exhaustion,” David blurts out and swallows hard when Miller looks at him, eyebrows raised.

”I do like it when you speak bluntly, sweetheart,” Miller says after a moment of silence and lets the stampede of dogs come in. Only with a few barked words they refrain from jumping on the bed but they still have to put their front paws on the edge to reach David.

 

It's a good morning. An orgasm, attention from five adorable huskies and a good-looking, mysterious man but when an amazing breakfast is added to it, David is ready to move out of his cringy little apartment to here. The thought is intimidating enough that he lets it be, focuses on the now. He eats, he washes himself. He dresses and goes to the yard to play with the dogs, unaware that Miller watches from the window. Roscoe is a good retriever, he gets the little ball that David throws again and again, tail wagging furiously as he comes back to David with his ears held up high. David calls him a good boy, a good boy again and again and showers him with treats.

 

”He's going to get fat, you know,” Miller scolds him later on as he corners David in the kitchen, nuzzling against his cold cheeks.

”It was just two,” David protests and laughs rather helplessly when their kiss is interrupted by Snowy who pushes her cold nose against their hands, smelling the delicious treats and left disappointed when David's pocket is empty.

”You're so bad for my children, Davey,” Miller huffs and pats Snowy.

”Awww,” David huffs, hears his phone ring. ”You call them your kids?”

 

There's a red hue on Miller's cheeks.

”I uh- you better answer your phone.”

 

David is grinning when he looks for his phone, thoroughly mentally and physically satisfied. He even hums as he finds his buzzing little phone on the night table. Eli? Why would Eli call him?

”What?”

” _Come home right now. Dad's- he's taken a turn to worse. Mom called and she said his condition has turned to critical. You just -you need to be home right now.”_ Eli doesn't say anymore, just ends the call.

David blinks. All of his good mood has vanished, leaving behind nothing but cold. His legs, his entire body feels oddly numb all of a sudden. He recalls everything he read about coma when they had first gotten the news, how the chances of their father waking up were less and less good the longer he stayed asleep. The injuries he had sustained during the crash had apparently been that bad.

 

”Who was it?” David takes a deep breath, turns. His face must show the bad news because Miller goes serious, comes to him instantly.

”Everything alright?”

”I- I need to get home. Dad's- dad might die.” David wets his lips, his brain turning some kind of an off-switch. He starts gathering his few clothes, not even registering that Miller dresses as well, abandoning his coffee mug. David is glad that the man stays silent, but also glad for the kiss pressed on his temple when they go outside and walk to the car.

´

”I hope you liked.. being here at least,” Miller says when he starts it. The motor rumbles to life, but can't quite drown the roar of thunder, now closer. David smiles faintly at the dashboard. Dad couldn't die. John is invincible.

”I do. I did. It's. Yeah.” David shifts. His ass is thoroughly sore. ”It was good.” Miller leans to squeeze his thigh before grabbing the wheel to turn the car. The ground is wet.

”The storm's getting even worse,” David remarks.

”Don't worry, we're going slow. There's barely any traffic at this time on a Sunday anyway,” Miller murmurs. His brows had knitted together into a deep frown. David swallows. He texts Eli that he's coming, that his brother doesn't need to worry. The world outside is a blur of grey and black, the blissful Sunday-morning having turned into an anxiety-inducing Sunday-afternoon. David takes a deep breath, swallows bile from his throat. His knee twitches.

 

”What the fuck is this idiot doing?” Miller murmurs and frowns at something ahead. The carhorn's sound is barely audible in the roaring thunder. Another car's headlights sweep over theirs, twisting and turning.

”Hold on, David!” David looks up, gasps. Car brakes squeal.

 

Everything vanishes into shattering glass.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> snrk   
> i'm sorry


	30. after the accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli is tired of dealing with David's shit.

Eli hasn't been having a very good weekend. First there's David fucking off God knows where with his friends, then there's Wolf being a bitch, then there's Mantis who claims his prices have gone up again and just. Eli hasn't been having a very good weekend. Getting a call from his mother hadn't helped, especially when she had claimed she couldn't reach David. Eli had yelled at her, unreasonably, unnecessarily but his brain is always like this. Like a tightly wound violin string. Of course Eva would ask about David. Of course she would call him first.

 

What a pain it is to both love and hate your own flesh and blood. Eli would die for his brother but he would also gladly punch him in the face sometimes. And now dad. Eli had had years to get even with his father for preferring David, years to get used to the fact that people flocked to David. Because David knew how to smile better. Because David could talk with people. Because David was who he was and Eli was his shadow. It didn't mean he wanted to see David hurt. He had unleashed hell on Frank Jaeger when his and David's relationship had come to light- really, there had been no need for Eva to interfere at all. Maybe it hadn't been one of Eli's wisest decisions- and there aren't many in the first place- but it had been worth it just to see that old pervert's face twisted in a snarl.

 

Even if he had punched Eli in the face for it. Even if David had punched him in the face for it.

 

Eli isn't stupid. Eli may not hang with his twin that much these days but he knows when something is up. It's not a Frank-situation, David insists, not even when he's making eyes at mister Miller of all people. Eli wants to keep his brother to himself, in their tiny, cramped apartment where it's safe and his brother isn't getting used for sex by old men. But Miller only has to say his name and David goes to him like a moth to a fucking flame.

 

Eli hates Miller, hates that crippled piece of shit for having David around his little finger. While Eli admits Miller is in good shape for his age- isn't he like, in his fifties? Fourties? Something? All adults look the same- he's still a teacher, he's still older and definitely shouldn't be after someone so young, so impressionable. Many arguments have been had between the twins for their various decisions but this especially. You're not my fucking mother, Eli. No, but I'm the one who gets to see what happens when your heart gets broken, David.

 

Frank Jaeger had been a coward who had refused to admit what he wanted and why he wanted a sixteen-year-old in the first place. No more Frank in the family meetings. Whatever Eva had said to him had driven the man away for good.

 

Maybe Eli is a little bit of a hypocrite. After all, he had lost his own virginity to a college senior when he was fifteen. But at least it had been a girl and he had been the one doing the taking. Frank was- Frank – fucking Frank. Fuck David for being such a goddamn. Eli grits his teeth. Fuck.

 

”What do you mean he was in the car with Miller?”

”They were driving on the Park road in this storm. Apparently the car that was heading towards them from the other direction lost control and crashed into them.”The nurse sounds young, level-headed. She isn't interested in the way Eli raises his voice in alarm. Had asked him gently to calm down when he had shouted at her the first time she called. Saint Bernadotte's Hospital. Yes. Are you the brother of David? There's been an accident. Eli had taken the first bus immediately and arrived to the hospital in less than twenty minutes, out of breath and missing his wallet.

 

”He-” Eli bites his lip, ties his hair into a small, pathetic ponytail. Wonders if his mother knows. ”Can I see him?” The nurse smiles empathetically.

”I'm afraid you're going to have to wait. Both your brother and mister Miller can't take any visitors at this hour.. There's a waiting room right down the hall and our café is open around the clock. Don't worry, a doctor will be with you soon.” Eli paces, nods. He says nothing else.

 

So much for David being at his friend's house for the weekend. Miller isn't a friend. Miller is a Frank-situation. Miller is going to break David's goddamn heart and Eli is sick of watching his twin mope around because adults can't keep their hands to themselves.

 

So he calls Eva but she doesn't answer, it goes straight to voicemail. Eli bristles, marches into the café and orders an Espresso and a sandwich. He won't be going home before he sees his brother. His heart had stopped when he had gotten the call. There's been accident. He'd imagined David dead in a ditch. Dying on an operating table. Anger had joined his confusion and panic only when he'd arrived to the hospital to hear David had been in a car with Kazuhira fucking Miller. Was it happening right under Eli's nose? There's zero reasons for David to be anywhere near a teacher outside of school, especially on a Sunday.

 

And Miller had been eyeing his brother right back. Making him stay after class, standing a little too close for Eli's comfort.

 

Eli chews on his sandwich and grits his teeth. Miller was even older than Frank fucking Jaeger. Miller and his ever-present glasses. Only douchebags wore sunglasses around the clock, no matter what rumours everyone whispers about him. That his eyesight is bad. That he's light-sensitive. That he's actually blind. Miller's a goddamn samurai warrior if the rumours are anything to go by. Maybe he's just a douchebag who's interested in someone way too young for him. Maybe- maybe it's nothing.

 

Eli taps his foot on the floor. Gets another drink. Ignores the café-girl's attempts at talking, doesn't even realize how wide her eyes are at his gang-jacket. It's a cool gang-jacket, mind you. One step closer to a motorcycle.

 

Eli eats. Eli drinks. Eli waits. He takes his coffee to go and drifts back to the waiting room. He even dozes off, from which he snaps out from by someone clearing their throat.

”You are.. Eli? Correct?” The doctor looks tired but Eli figures hospital-staff always carry an extra sort of tired with them. Eli stands up.

”Where's my brother?”

”I'm afraid I have both good and bad news about your brother, Eli. Do follow me.” Eli does, throwing his best and meanest frown at the doctor who doesn't seem bothered.

 

”Your brother suffered multiple fractures to his ribs as well as his left arm, left wrist and hipbone. He is currently in a medically induced sleep and will remain that way until he's completely stable. The fractures caused internal bleeding and nerve damage to his left arm. There's a chance it won't be as functional as it was before. He also collided hard against the windshield and hit his head. We've already done some tests and it's likely there won't be any lasting damage but head wounds are always a cause for concern.”

 

”And the good?” The doctor goes to another page on his clipboard and turns around the corner.

”No damage done to his internal organs, few cuts and bruises here and there and a sprained ankle that will heal in a couple of weeks. Aside from the things I mentioned, I assure you, your brother will be fine. His travelling companion, however-” Eli stills. He doesn't particularly want Miller to get hurt but he doesn't want to see David's face if something happens.

”What about him?” The doctor glances at him as they stop by a window.

”You are familiar with Mister-” couple of pages are turned. ”Kazuhira Miller then?” Eli nods. The doctor shakes his head, points. Eli follows his gaze and stills, something icy flooding into him at the sight of the Hellmaster, crowded by tubes and a breathing apparatus. His leg stump is bandaged, as well as his arm and his chest. His long hair fans around him on the pillow, his skin tight, his face littered with various bandaids, one over his eye and covering most of his forehead.

 

”It seems he saved your brother from further injuries and swerved the car to take most of the damage to himself. So we're keeping him under and running tests to keep him stable. I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore since you aren't a family member or a-

”Doctor!” Both turn to see a short blonde woman make her way to them. She's out of breath, her hair running out of its ponytail. She hastily glances at Eli's direction, then back at the doctor. She sticks out her hand.

 

”I'm Cécile Cosima Caminades. I'm the closest thing Kazuhira has for a relative.” Her accent makes her words melodious, her face soft and worried. The doctor clears his throat.

”I see, miss Caminades. If you'll excuse us, mister Eli, while her and I talk in private. Your brother is in room 303, one floor above this one. There should be a nurse Marie in there, you can converse with her more.” Eli shifts, lets out a soft hiss. Cécile blinks at him, then her eyes widen.

”Oh! You are David's Eli, are you not?” Eli wets his lips. He wants to see David.

”Yeah.”

”It's just- Kazuhira and me have been friends for a long time. He often tells me of the people he meets and happened to mention Eva's twins are at his school-”

”Miss Caminades, please.” Cécile flushes, nods. Eli shifts his weight from foot to foot.

”Nice to meet you, miss,” he murmurs. ”I'm sorry about Miller.” Cécile smiles at him, pats his arm.

”He'll be fine. He's tough like a bull.” Whatever lurks behind her smile Eli can't decipher so he leaves it at that. Cécile retreats a bit further away with the doctor and Eli turns.

 

Fucking David. Fucking Miller. Fuck David and his stupid goddamn crushes on people who aren't good for him. Eli's heart thuks uncomfortably in his chest as he makes his way to the elevator, pressing the floor three button. His coffee has already gone cold so he tosses it to the trash on his way out, gets lost in the sprawling corridors and finally finds the right room. His phone buzzes but before he can dig it out, a plump, cute-faced woman stops him.

”Are you here to see ah, David?” Eli frowns. Why does everyone know who he is? The nurse interprets his gaze right and smiles empathetically.

 

”You and your brother look remarkably similar. I'm Marie, I'm one of the nurses of this section and will be looking after your brother during his stay in our hospital.” Eli is lead to the window, bottom dropping from his stomach at the sight of David. There are less tubes this time, but the packaged left arm and the thick bandage around David's head look the worst.

 

”Is he gonna be okay? The doctor said he hit his head pretty hard. What the fuc-” Eli clears his throat.” What happened? I just got a call that he had gotten into an accident and was apparently driving somewhere with Miller-” his sentence fades when Marie raises her hand.

”Don't worry, Eli. In a short time we have managed to stabilise his condition so he's currently in a life-threatening situation. It's true the nerve damage to his left arm is extensive but it would have been worse if the car hadn't turned the other way, the driver's side absorbing most of the damage from the other car. As it seems, another driver had lost control of their car and couldn't stop in time before colliding with Mister Miller and your brother. Thankfully nobody was driving in high speeds so nobody's injuries are truly severe.”

 

”But-”

”I assure you, your brother will be completely fine. Injuries always look worse than they actually are. Anyway, your brother is sleeping now so you should go home and rest. We will-”

”No. I'm staying here. Fuck school. David's more important.” Eli's jaw tightens. The nurse smiles still. Empathetic, distant. Tired.

”I understand. Is there anyone you can call to accompany you? A parent?”

”We're both nineteen. Our parents are in the States. And besides, our dad has been in a coma for the past few days from his own crash.”

”I'm sorry to hear that. But. We will be here for you and your brother, every step of the way.” Eli can't listen to this. His phone buzzes again, more insistent. Maybe they hadn't gotten a hold of their parents?

”Yeah. Yeah. I'm just. Gonna go. Eat. Something.” Eli turns on his heel and marches away, taking deep breaths. He's not equipped to deal with things like these. He answers the phone, his voice breaking when Eva's voice calls his name.

 

”Mom, did you hear?”

 

She hadn't. She'd been on a flight to Germany it seems, work-duties she couldn't get away from. Now she sounds worried, her voice raising when Eli tells about David's accident.

” _A car crash? Is he alright? Was he with someone?”_ Eli hesitates. It's not a Frank-situation, he tells himself. Thinks about the way Miller had smiled at David when David had succeeded in something in their classes.

”Yeah. And yeah. He broke his arm and a couple of ribs but apparently he's gonna be fine otherwise.” Eli paces. His lips are dry. He doesn't know how to deal with this.

” _Who was he with, Eli?”_

”Kazuhira Miller.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun duuun


	31. I love him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva and Kaz have an uncomfortable conversation.

Kaz had been aware through most of it. The car speeding towards them, David's panicked yelp by his side and the car turning around and skittering off the road like the useless hunk of metal it is, the other car sliding towards the other side of the road. Only their moderately low speed and the fact that there weren't trees to crash in had saved both cars from fatalities. Kaz had known he had hit his head though since black spots danced in his vision and his glasses had cracked. David had been eerily still next to him, hanging off his seatbelt like a ragdoll. Who had managed to call an ambulance was beyond him but Kaz was dimly aware of it arriving, of them being carried off the scene. He might have called for David a couple of times but the kid had been lost to him and to the painless blackness that arrived next.

 

When he next wakes, it's to the sound of beeping and the phantom pain scratching at his missing limbs. He doesn't have to look to know both of his prosthetics are missing. He blinks but the whiteness in his eyes doesn't disappear. For a second fear lurches in his stomach that he's gone blind entirely but all it takes is a familiar voice to call him back from that. Cécile's voice and face appears in his vision, her hand on his shoulder.

 

”Kazuhira?” Kaz takes a deep breath, tries to reach for his face. Cécile smiles, a sad little expression that doesn't fit her soft face at all.

”Don't move, Kaz. You'll open your stitches.”

”Stitches?” Deafening sound of shattering glass. Kaz blinks, the room blurry in his eyes.

”Where's David?” He has to smack his mouth a few times. It tastes like ash. Cécile's hand stays.

”In another room. He .. he hasn't woken yet.” Kaz knows what the numbness he feels is.

 

He's probably pumped so full of painkillers and god knows what else it's a wonder he can even open his eyes. He still tries to turn, to look at the damage. Something covers his right eye.

”Woken? What do you mean?” Cécile rubs his shoulder gently, brushes his chin so he knows to turn his head.

”He was in worse shape than you, Kazuhira.” Kaz watches the blurry outline of her face, her sad little French mouth. Unwanted irritation flares up at that but Kaz keeps it in check. The dry, awful taste in his mouth remains. He has to let the words register for a moment before he can do anything.

 

”How long? I've been out?” His voice sounds croaked. Like a man who's been living on nothing but whiskey and cigarettes for decades.

”Only a day. It's seven in the morning and it's Tuesday.” Kaz twitches.

”I've got-”

”You've got nothing but to stay down, you idiot,” she says, now getting frustrated. The hand on Kaz's shoulder gives a push. ”You'll fuck up your stitches. The school's been informed. The gym's been informed. The driver who collided with you woke up himself two hours ago and has been a nervous wreck ever since. I doubt he'll drink and drive ever again.”

 

Kaz feels a jolt of something. Anger, perhaps. It's all muted through the thick haze of sleep.

”David could have died,” he mumbles. Cécile gives his shoulder a squeeze.

”You saved his life,” is all he says before he slips back into sleep.

 

Kaz slips on and off, wakes up now and then to Cécile, to nurses, to a doctor. He gets bits and pieces of what happened. Even a bored looking police officer shows up to take his statement. It had apparently been a drunken driver in the other car who had predictably lost control and swerved to them. The kid's reward for his recklessness was fucking up his legs beyond repair and a life in a wheelchair. Kaz couldn't feel much sympathy, not when that could have been him in some other life when he let his alcoholism get the better of him.

 

Fuck, but he wants a drink.

The first time he wakes up completely lucid is on Thursday-afternoon, to find Eva by his bed. He blinks. She offers him a kind smile, even if there is something hard and awful about it.

”Good to see you,” Kaz says. Eva stays quiet and still for a moment, watching him.

”John woke up yesterday,” she says. Kaz's fingers tighten on his blanket. He doesn't want to know that.

”That's why I'm here. Because my son called me.” Kaz's jaw tightens. He looks away and wonders where David is, if David is okay. The sting of his own punctured lung makes every movement hard so Kaz doesn't. He tries to keep his breathing as still as possible.

 

”Son?” He still asks, not looking at her.

”The one you're not fucking,” she says. Kaz twitches, looks at her. He's been around her enough to know what anger looks like on that face. It tightens the crowsfeet in the corners of her eyes, makes her deceitful softness all the more harder.

 

”Eva,” Kaz tries but is interrupted by her clicking her tongue.

”Don't try to tell me you're not well enough to hear this.” Kaz swallows, draws breath.

”I'm, I'm not, I just-”

”I know I don't exactly have the right. I forfeited my rights as a proper mother when I left them to John's care but they're my children.” Hearing the disappointment in her voice is more aggravating, more frustrating and stinging than any anger. Kaz squeezes his eyes shut. The machine beeps, sticking more fluids into his body. Keeps him going. The blur of the painkillers remains but not enough to melt away the hot flash of guilt.

 

”I- I haven't hurt David. I would never hurt David,” is all he can say. He turns his head towards her. She remains standing, her arms crossed under her bosom.

”Do you love him? You know you'll never work with teens again if this gets out.” Kaz opens his mouth, to protest, to defend, to say something- Eva shakes her head.

 

”I'm not threatening you, Miller.” _Miller._ Only one person had ever called Kaz just Miller thorough the years they had known each other and Kaz doesn't want to be reminded of him.

”It sounds like it. I didn't initiate it,” Kaz says, hand fisting the blanket.

”You're not denying? For fuck's sake, Kaz, David's _nineteen_. You're fourty-seven.” Kaz wets his lips.

”I know,” he grunts, tries to get his brains into some semblance of order. ”It's not like.. it's. I didn't mean for it to happen at first but he's. I'm sorry.” He knows it's an empty apology but it's worth the try. She doesn't wave it away, instead sits down on the chair Cécile usually occupies and even drags it closer.

 

”I don't know if David ever told you about Frank Jaeger.” Kaz turns to look at her. The curl of Eva's mouth is uncomfortable, but her gaze is steady.

”He was a family-friend who seduced David when Dave was seventeen. Frank.. Frank wasn't healthy for him. No, don't say anything. It's not just because Frank's twenty years older. It's because he took advantage of David's naivety, David's inexperience. He hit David. He tied him up.” Kaz squirms, uncomfortable.

”Eva,” he tries again but she continues on, merciless. Her words are sharpened with every breath.

”He broke David's heart. He broke David's spirit. He made David so dependent on himself that when the truth finally came to light, the first thing we did was call the police.” Kaz realizes the implication, an uncomfortable knot in his throat.

 

”Of course, in both cases, David is over the age of consent. And now he's more than capable of making his own decisions. But you've still shown a gross abuse of authority and please, please tell me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police on you. I know we've known each other for years, no, don't speak yet-” Eva interrupts his choked attempts at defending himself swiftly, ”and I know about your past transgressions and that's why I expected you to be smarter.”

 

She takes his hand. Her hands are incredibly warm. Kaz looks at him, his expression scrunched up, pained.

”I didn't mean for this to happen,” he finally says, looking at her eyes. They're lighter blue than David's.

”Does this have anything to do with John?” Eva rubs his hand once and lets it go. It curls back into a fist. Kaz can't exactly reject that notion.

 

”It- maybe at first. But it was just. Curiousity. I hadn't seen the twins since their birth and I didn't expect-” that first day in class. The twins, identical, yet so different. David had caught his eye even then but Kaz hadn't had the intention of approaching him. He had gotten careful after Stephen, after Nadine. After everyone.

”Do you love him?” If Eva means John or David, Kaz doesn't know. The lump in his throat refuses to go. He rubs his eyes again, almost brushing off the bandage covering the huge gash on his forehead.

 

”John.. John's history,” he murmurs. He's so tired. He wants to love David. Wants to love him openly. Or if he can't have that, he wants to stop loving him and let the kid go to someone who deserves him.

”You're stalling,” Eva says and her voice reaches that dangerous level again. Her eyes remain kind, however. Kaz is horrified by the sting in his eyes.

”I... only agreed to train David in his martial arts classes. I didn't agree on a relationship,” he says, wets his lips. He can't remember what David's mouth tastes like or what his weight on Kaz feels like. How could he already forget how much David laughs?

”Kazuhira,” Eva murmurs. Her face is undescribable. ”Are you in love with my David?”

 

Kaz hesitates. Her hand grabs his chin, turns his head towards her. He knows he must look like he's been trampled over by a furious crowd. But she still must see the truth in his face. She had caught him at his most vulnerable, unable to escape his bed without his prosthetics or his cane, half-blind and groggy from the hospital-stay.

”Oh, Kaz,” she says. Kaz bites back a grimace.

”I didn't mean for it to happen,” he says, weakly. Eva withdraws, her expression openly pained.

”What am I going to do with you?” Kaz shifts, winces when pain shoots up from his chest. He had had the general rundown of his injuries from his doctor already but pain still was an aggravating reminder to not move too much.

”He doesn't know,” Kaz says, his throat dry. ”Don't tell him. He'll only see it as a chance to continue with this .. hero worship he has for me. I've already done too much.”

 

Eva is silent.

”You sad, fucked up man,” she says finally. Kaz grits his teeth.

”Pot calling the kettle black,” he says but it lacks malice.

”Maybe.” Her voice is lighter now but Kaz would be damned if he ever mistook Eva's kindness for weakness.

”I'm not.. cruel enough to tell you to stay away from David. But you. You have to think about this. This isn't an equal relationship and it won't be one.” She's lived with lies all her life so when she tells the truth, it always hurts. Kaz nods.

 

”Like I don't know. I was going to put a stop it anyway this weekend but he had to leave because John's condition had worsened. Honestly.” He doesn't look at her anymore. He can't. He just can't.

”Yes. He had a heartattack on a Sunday-morning. Actually woke him up for a while but he slipped again. Until he woke up just now, apparently already on his way to fine,” Eva murmurs.

”I know it's futile to tell you not hurt David. The world will hurt David the more he grows. You will hurt him even if you don't mean to. Even if you tell him you can't continue with this, whatever this is, you'll hurt him. But think about him before thinking about yourself. You're a survivor, Kaz, because you've had had to be and John could deal with that but David can't.”

”Don't sell him so short,” Kaz says, finally looking at her again. Her face is open.

”Living with his father for a few years has taught him nothing. John's PTSD explodes differently than yours.”

”How would you know?”

”Don't be stupid, Miller. I know.” Kaz leaves it at that.

 

Continues to stare although the white light starts to hurt. They've probably dimmed the lights for him.

”And John has all of his limbs,” Kaz adds. Eva frowns.

”That's .. that's not a factor.” Kaz shakes his head.

”It is. I can't walk on my own. I can't even hug my dogs with two working arms. My bathroom is like something that belongs to a crippled 80-year-old. David would get sick of taking care of me.”

”And you don't want anyone to fuss over you,” she says, not at all unkindly. Kaz nods.

 

 

”I loved John, Eva. I loved him with all of my heart. I gave him my best years. I gave him my loyalty. He broke all of that.” Eva is mercifully silent.

”I.. I didn't even love my wife after that. It's- I know it's selfish and childish to blame John for this but my- fuck. Please believe me.” What he's pleading for, he doesn't know but he can imagine. He can figure it out.

”I lost custody completely to Nadine. She's getting married to someone new. I never loved her but I loved David the moment he smiled at me.” His voice sounds weary and thin, like the voice of someone much older. He coughs, winces when his chest flares up in pain again. Eva's hand is warm on his shoulder, keeping him down. It passes his forehead.

”I believe you,” she says. ”I don't forgive you. Especially if you take David's future away. Especially if you're like Frank Jaeger.”

 

”I would never hurt him,” Kaz repeats. His throat is dry and full of something unwanted and huge.

”No matter how much you protest and protest, I knew one thing nobody else did through all the years we've known each other,” Eva murmurs. Her voice sounds further away now. ”You're a good person, Kaz. Your experiences have messed up with your head, you can be bitter, your temper is awful and you've lost hope more times I can count. But you're a good person. You keep trying. I believe you, Kazuhira Miller.”

”I'm sorry,” Kaz says again. ”I want nothing but the best for David.”

”So do we all. He's.. he's asked after you.” Kaz smacks his lips again. Blinks. Everything is white and hazy. The machines beep.

”He has?”

”Talk to you later, Kaz.”

 

Kaz falls into a sleepy haze again, blinks away the unshed tears. The last time he had cried had been when they had hacked away his limbs. He hadn't shed a tear since. Being with David had ripped something open in him and Kaz isnt convinced he likes it very much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a short chapter but my mind's not in it. i read the foxhole court, raven king and king's men in one flow and i'm fucked up and reeling because i love books   
> booooooooooooooooks


	32. mother knows best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva and David have a conversation. David pines.

The awakening world comes to David in bits and pieces. Sometimes he's aware of a doctor or a nurse, sometimes he can hear Eli's mumbling, Eli's cursing by his bed. Someone says that his father has woken up. When David wakes fully, he has no idea where he is at first, who he's with, what has happened. He meets the face of a nurse and stares, uncomprehending for a second. His entire body is numb.

”Uh?” Holyshit his voice is rough. David swallows, raises his bandaged hand to his throat. Or thinks he's doing so, frowns at his hand when it refuses to do more than just twitch. This nurse is a young man with a kind smile. His scrubs are pale blue.

”Good morning, David, I am doctor Moreno's assistant Theo,” he says, comes closer to stand by David's bed-side. Water in a plastic mug appears in David's vicinity and like a man dying of thirst, David grabs it with his right hand to drink.

 

”Not too much, you've been mostly asleep for a better part of a week,” the nurse continues in his calm tone. His hands are very warm when they help the mug away from David's chapped lips.

”Do you remember what happened, David?” David wets his lips, tries to chase that last bit of water. He feels unbelievably drowsy. His breathing doesn't come as easily as it used to.

”Yeah. Y-yeah. I.. I was in a car with … ” Miller's hand on his thigh. Miller frowning worriedly at the car ahead. David swallows. ”Where's he? How is he?” The nurse tilts his head.

”You mean the one you were with in the car, uh, mister, Kazuhira Miller?” David nods, look at the nurse. Doesn't quite understand the smile, the softness, the calmness. He wants to have Miller with him. The broken, the aching man who kissed him like he would die without David.

 

”Mister Miller is in his own room. Don't worry, David, he is quite fine. It's you we need to worry about.” David stares. Nurse's smile turns sadder. Or maybe David just imagines.

”If you wish to hear about your injuries, I can tell you. But it's for your own good if you don't stress yourself too much immediately-”

”Tell me.” David fists the sheets. Anxiety burns his chest. Had his parents been notified? Had Eli been notified?

”Alright then. First of all is the blow to your head which gave you a concussion. You broke three of your ribs and had a few lacerations to your face and your chest. No, don't touch your bandages, please. The seatbelt tore your neck so if it feels sore, it's for a reason. You sprained your ankle. You have broken your left arm. I will not go to details but … you and mister Miller's car flipped over once entirely and in that situation you got your injury to your arm.” David takes a deep breath, interrupts the nurse.

”Where's my brother? What day is it?” Nurse Theo closes his mouth, looks at him for a moment.

”Your brother?”

”Eli? He's... he's gotta be here. He's my twin. He wouldn't just-” nurse Theo's face melts into a smile.

”Ah. Oh, he's here. You have quite the devoted brother there, David. He has barely gone to his classes at this time. And it's Saturday. You had your accident last Sunday.” Warmth spreads through David's chest at the knowledge that Eli is here, Eli is worried for him.

”I have missed a shitload of school,” David sighs. He slaps his forehead with his working hand and grimaces.

 

”It's quite okay, David. A few of your classmates have visited you, don't you remember? Even one teacher.” Nurse Theo scrawls something to his notes.

”Also, your.. mother? Is here.” He says it so casually. Of course, to anyone else's family it would be normal but Eva is always somewhere and never 'here'. David turns to look again, take in nurse Theo's calming presence.

 

”Mom?” Theo nods. His smile lingers in his eyes.

”Yes. She also informed us of your father's situation. Don't worry, it's all good news. Your father has woken up from his own coma and is in recovery currently. Your mother arrived yesterday and has been waiting for you to wake up.” David's head buzzes. His eyes hurt. His chest hurts, like someone's hand is clutching at it, trying to slowly choke him to death.

”I'm – she's here? Now? I want to see all of them. I wanna see Miller.” Nothing changes in nurse Theo's face but David still feels like explaining. It's not like that. It's not what it seems like.

”He's my mentor, you see. I'm an aspiring.. a-aspiring martial artist and he teaches a couple of classes at the gym and I- we're friends. I walk his dogs. He has five of them. Huskies.” Nurse Theo raises his hand, shushes him. David coughs, gets the plastic mug shoved into his hand again.

”Take it easy, David. Your business is your business. Don't try to talk too much, you had quite a blow to your head.” David vaguely remembers the windshield. Had it shattered?

”Mom and Eli then,” he says, looks ahead. His throat hurts.

”Alright, David. They're very anxious to see you.”

 

David closes his eyes and drifts, snaps back awake when a warm hand takes his.

”Mom?” Eva smiles at him. Real, breathing Eva. Not the Eva from a chat window. Not the Eva from a phonecall. His wayward mother, his powerful, lost mother.

”Oh, honey,” Eva says, goes to kiss his cheeks and his forehead. ”Oh, darling. It's so good to see you awake.” Eva's hair is undone and shorter than it was before, her motorcycle jacket half-zipped up. David ignores the wetness in his eyes.

”Hi, mom.” He looks to her side. Eli shifts, watches him varily.

”Hi, Eli.” Eli nods.

”You fuckface,” he says. David snorts.

”Language,” Eva says but Eli just shrugs.

”How are you feeling, sweetheart?” _Sweetheart. Oh, David, my David._ David swallows, tries his hardest not to think about Miller.

 

”Sore,” he says instead, fiddles with a loose string in his blanket.

”You look like a walking corpse,” Eli says. His words are tight, his posture uncomfortable. He doesn't look straight at David so David knows it's Eli just hiding that he cares. His troublesome, frustrating brother cares so much it kills him.

”Thanks,” David says.

”We have talked to your doctor and nurses. It seems you're gonna be just fine. No lasting damage done.” Eva keeps stroking his hair, her eyes shiny. David can't stop smiling at her, at the shadows of sleepless nights in her eyes. The strength that's always there.

 

”Did dad really wake up?” Eva nods.

”Yeah.”

”That dumb fuck would need a third world war to kill him,” Eli says and backs away from his mother's ire.

”You're impossible, you brat,” she huffs and reaches to pinch Eli's cheek. Eli grimaces and goes to the other side of the bed entirely.

”I'm not nine anymore, mom, god.”

 

David laughs. His laugh turns into a cough and then a grimace when his body protests against any extra movement. Both Eli and Eva lean towards him then, fussing.

”I'm not nine anymore,” David repeats his brother's words, his half-grin pained. Eva pinches his cheek too.

” A mother has the right to fuss.”

”It's... good to see you.” David coughs. He means it. He misses Eva often but knows her becoming a fulltime mother was never an option. She needs the wind in her face. She takes a seat by the bed, Eli drags another chair closer. They talk about meaningless things. They don't talk about the accident. Eli says he'll bring David some homework since he has to stay at the hospital for some time. Eva tells him and Eli about their father, how the first thing John had asked after waking up was a cigar.

 

”Thankfully I had a proper Columbian one ready,” she laughs. David is glad to hear it, one worry away from his heart. The biggest one still remains. Especially when Eva sends Eli away from the room and looks at David with her most motherly look. That slight frown, that tense mouth.

”How are you feeling?” She asks again, a little uselessly. David looks after Eli, then back at her. He has an inkling of what she's going to ask.

”Still sore,” he says instead.

 

”I... I had a talk with your teacher,” Eva says. This time it's her turn to look bashful.

”Miller?”

”You know, David. I've known Kaz for a very long time. He was a very different man before John and the army.” David watches her, certain where this is going. He's not sure if he wants to hear it.

”Mom-”

”Hush, darling.” Eva takes his hand between hers, strokes it gently. ”Let your mama worry.”

”He hasn't.. he wouldn't. He's not Frank,” David says, squeezes her hand.

”So there is something,” she says. David bites his lip but doesn't try to pull his hand free.

”Yes.” Mutual physical attraction. Mutual... just attraction. He had played with Miller's dogs. He had called Miller by his first name. He had woken up feeling loved, warm and not at all lonely. He had wanted to stay. He still does.

 

”You know, it's hard for me to hear,” she says and kisses his hand. It looks pathetically weak between her long, steady fingers. David stays still and quiet.

”I'm sorry,” he says. ”I... I just. It's not his fault. It's all me. I made the first move,” he says after a moment of long silence, after it gets too much. Eva hums.

”Kaz is... a difficult person. David, he's not- he may not be Frank but he's got his own problems.”

”Everyone's got problems,” David argues but weakly. Nausea wells up in his throat.

”Darling, you're just nineteen. Kaz is thirty years older,” she says. ”And he's your mentor. Your teacher. That's an abuse of power.” David starts to hate her tone, that calmness, that certainty that she knows better because she's older. It makes him feel like a child.

 

”I don't care,” he says, yanks his hand free. He wants to escape.

”Darling,” Eva tries. Her fingers are hot on David's cheek.

”I know you're disappointed but he's not Frank. He's not abusing me. He's been nothing but good to me.” The words come slow and unwanted, but they need to be said. David swallows away the nausea, looks at her again. She just looks tired.

”I have no right to judge your relationships,” she says finally. ”But still.” David watches her, the lines of her face. There isn't much similarity between their faces. Eva has always been more neutral, more ethereal. John is grounded, a man born out of earth and David takes after him.

 

”Mil- Kaz isn't hurting me.” Eva looks at him with something akin to pity.

”He's an alcoholic, David,” she says. David shrugs.

”I don't care. He never took a sip when he was with me.”

”You're just nineteen. Don't throw your future away for a crush.” David squeezes his eyes closed, his jaw impossibly tight.

”It's not a crush,” he breathes out. ”I'm not throwing anything away. I'm not his prisoner. I didn't force him to do anything.”

”Sweetheart, please listen-”

”No, I won't.” The words are on his tongue, burning their way through his throat. David turns his back on Eva, taking a deep breath.

”I'm just trying to protect you,” she says. She's quiet now, the sterness gone. She squeezes his uninjured shoulder.

”Oh, mom,” David hides his face in his pillow. ”Maybe you should have raised me and Eli instead of dad then. You can't think of me as a child forever. Relationships always break hearts.” They aren't his words but someone else's. Someone else's from a long time ago when David had been tinier, more frail. But he had understood. He had always understood.

”My wise little boy,” Eva whispers and strokes his hair. ”You have grown up in a blink of an eye. I'm sorry I never was the mother you two needed.” Her hand is still on David's shoulder. David reaches for it, gives it a squeeze.

”We're fine,” he says and closes his eyes.

 

Eva's presence retreats.

”Oh, David,” she says. She's gone when David drifts off to sleep.

 


	33. say it to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz and David have an uncomfortable conversation.

”So you don't approve either.” The words ring hollow, tired. It's not sadness, not disappointment. Not when he expects it. Maybe not from Cécile who's been his friend through a lot of things, had looked after his dogs. Had brought him his cane and his other leg prosthetic- thank god he had another. The arm is a no-go so he has to get used to being one-armed for a while again.

”It's not that I don't approve, Kazuhira, it's just-” She hovers close to his elbow, ready to help him in case his balance wavers. She knows not to touch him, especially when he's like this. The hospital gown is so comfortable it's irritating.

 

”It's none of my business,” she concludes. Oh, Cécile. Never a bad word for anyone. Kaz generally had the bad luck to surround himself with women who gossiped behind his back, threw sarcastic remarks at his face but not Cécile. She never took his shit even when he knew he had been an asshole but she was so unbearably nice.

”It really isn't,” Kaz agrees. They go to the elevator, go one floor up.

”It was nice to see Eva though,” Cécile tries to fill up the silence. Kaz doesn't look at her. His eyes still sting, even with the spare glasses. His original ones hadn't survived the crash. His leg aches. Legs. Both ones. The phantom pain had been there ever since the torture but now it was accompanied by very real ache, seeping through painkiller-haze. At least he had the use of all of his remaining limbs.

 

”I guess.” Kaz tries not to blame Eva for her attitude. It's her right as a mother and especially after this Frank-person... but Kaz knows what he said to her is the truth and that truth alone makes him want to protect David. If it means leaving the kid alone, then so be it. Kaz would miss his presence though. What Eva had revealed had brought up a new kind of pity in Kaz; the fact that this Frank had tried to seduce both twins but had apparently settled for David when Eli proved to be too much. From him Eli had gotten into the habit of drugs, of cigarettes.

 

”It's not like I-” Kaz shuts up when they pass by a couple of nurses, reaching David's room. Kaz stills. Cécile stays by his side, hands folded behind her back.

”It's not like I intentionally- you know.”

”How does it feel to care about someone, Kazuhira?” She asks, soft this time. Not trying to poke. There's pressure on Kaz's chest. At least the lacerations on his forehead had begun to heal so they had switched to lighter bandages a couple of days ago.

 

”I didn't choose this, Céci. He deserves better than me.”

”Kaz-”

”Don't say anything. Let me be.” He pushes away from her and into the room.

 

David is chewing on a granola bar. His hair mussed, his attention on some soap opera rolling in the tiny tv set near the corner.

”David,” Kaz says. When had it started when he had first noticed the warmth in him besides sex? When? Why? David takes a huge bite, turns to him, his cheeks stuffed like a hamster's. His initial surprise turns into relief, happiness. Kaz wishes he wouldn't smile so bright. David swallows.

”Mas- Kaz,” he says. ”Hi! I heard you got the worst of it. How's your leg? How's your arm?” The kid sits down more, grunts and presses his hand to his ribcage. Kaz tsk's.

”Don't move around, idiot.” He limps his way to the chair by David's bedside and sits down, at an arm's length.

 

”I'm happy to see you,” David says, rather unnecessarily. He's smiling and he's the most beautiful thing Kaz has ever seen despite the bandages still covering him, a wound by the side of his mouth. Kaz nearly leans to kiss him.

”Good to see you up and about, kiddo,” Kaz says gruffly. He's not about to beg for the kid to stay with him. David has got his future ahead of him, for Kaz most of it is behind him. He's got secrets David will never know. He's done so many things that David needs to never know. It grates Kaz to know he's the way he is; disabled, old, cranky, alcoholic. His fingers twitch with the need for a joint, for something to calm his nerves. He hasn't been allowed a smoke or a drink and his mouth is constantly dry. His fingers never quite stop shaking.

 

”Did you.. break your prosthetics? You're wearing the other one,” David says. He's propped himself up on elbows, wiping the last crumbs of the granola bar from his mouth. His left hand lays still, unmoving.

”I- yeah. That's right. I'll have to take quite a few sick days and ignore quite a few of my classes. Can't teach very well with only one arm,” Kaz says. He takes in David's face: his strong, straight nose and full lips, the strong jaw and the faint beginnings of a stubble that will no doubt sport a similar beard as his father when David reaches his age.

”You could still kick anyone's ass with only one arm,” David says and smiles, even lets out a chuckle. Kaz's chest aches.

”Maybe,” he says. Wets his lips. Silence follows, their gazes on each other.

”Your .. mother visited me,” Kaz says when David doesn't seem to find a new question to ask.

”Oh? She said dad woke up. Not that I miss him but it's good to hear he's up.” Kaz huffs. David had known one side of John. Kaz had known them all.

 

”Maybe,” he echoes his earlier sentiment.

”What did she talk to you about?” There. The question Kaz didn't want to hear. Yet he can't help but answer honestly.

”You.” David's grin falters, he bites his lip. Now he's looking at Kaz's face, like looking for answers. So hopeful. Kaz tries to ignore the way his hand shakes.

”Wha.. what did you talk about me?” Kaz looks away.

”Kaz, look- look at me, okay,” David shifts, his sheets rustling. He's leaned closer, worry evident in his young face. I can't do this, Kaz thinks. I can't do this to him.

”Things. Eli had,” Kaz lets out a brief, bitter laugh. ”Your darling brother had apparently figured it all out. He told your mother that we're in a relationship and she flipped out on me.” David shifts again. His face is tight, his eyes still on Kaz. He's clutching the side of the bed with his uninjured hand.

 

”She- she just worries,” David tries but Kaz shakes his head.

”I should have never let you into my life, kiddo,” he says and gets up on. His heart thumps louder than ever. His skin is scorched, burned by the need inside. It could have been anyone else. He could still love John. He could still love Nadine. He could still love Cécile. Anyone of his dozens of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends over the years. But it was David who had been in his bed, pliant and wanton and entrancing and Kaz didn't want anyone else anymore.

”You don't mean that,” David breathes out, shifts again like to get up. A pained whimper escapes when his lungs work against him. He flops back down, clawing at his ribs.

 

”Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm too old for you, David. I'm corrupted. Do you want that badly to be ruined by me?” Say yes, say yes, say yes. Kaz stands, sways slightly as he leans on his cane. His remaining foot aches. He shouldn't have come here. He turns his back.

”Yes,” David says. Kaz can imagine what his expression looks like. All bright blue eyes and hope held in their depths.

”Did you lie when you said you wanted me.. to be yours then? Were you lying when you- when you had sex with me?” Kaz grips his cane tighter, doesn't answer.

”Answer me.” So demanding. The sheets rustle, the IV creaks as David moves it. Kaz looks at him and sees the kid sitting at the edge of his bed, staring at him.

 

”I-” Kaz hesitates, looks down at his feet. The one that's made of metal. The one that's made of bandages and flesh and blood.

”Kaz. I want you,” David says, now desperation cracks his voice. ”All I- all I dream about is you. I want to be back on your bed.” Kaz stands frozen, nausea welling up in his throat. What had he done- what the hell was he even doing? Good time to find his fucking morals.

”Kaz, please.” David's fingers reach his hospital gown, curling around a fistful of fabric. Kaz shivers.

”I can't. I can't ruin your life, David. I'm a fuck-up, I lost custody of my own goddamn daughter and live in a fucking cabin in the middle of nowhere because I can't deal with the noise of the city for too long.” Or because my nightmares used to wake up my neighbours. Or because when I got my first husky, the howls woke up the whole neighbourhood. Or because that animal actually saved my life. David tugs.

 

”I don't care,” David whispers, tugs again. ”I- I-” Don't say it. Don't fall for this trap. The kid's voice was cracking. Kaz wants to yell at him, wants to take on his Hellmaster-persona and hide behind it. He's supposed to be unreachable, untouchable, breaking nothing and no one. His fingers had known pain and torture, had held onto electric rods as they pushed against bare, wet skin. He had been kidnapped, two of his limbs hacked off. His eyes burned. His body wore every scar, every mark and reminded him everyday of how he should belong in prison for his crimes in every wordly conflict. David didn't know that world, didn't need to know it.

”Why won't you look at me?” Kaz grimaces, hesitates still. His feet refuse to move. His mouth is dry and wordless.

”I loved last weekend,” David says carefully. ”You.. you made me feel good, better than anyone. You- I felt cared for, loved. I want-”

”You don't know what you want. You're just a kid.” Kaz makes the mistake of turning, of looking David in the eye. The kid isn't crying but there's definitely moisture in the infinite blue of his gaze.

”I know enough,” David insists, his hand falling back to his lap. Kaz wavers, his jaw so tight he fears he might pop a muscle.

”I'm .. I'm tired, David. I've fucked up enough people for one life. This.. us, this whole thing is a mistake.” He tries. He still tries even when David stares at him with those baby blues, desperate, hopeful. God fucking dammit but Kaz is a lost case. So is David. The kid loves him, every word true. Kaz swallows hard.

”You don't mean that,” David says again. ”You're miserable when you're alone.” Kaz looks away.

”Shut up,” he says. It's lost in David's next words, the kid getting himself up from the bed. The IV creaks as it's dragged along with his movement.

”You want me as much as I want you,” the kid still insists, grabs the front of Kaz's gown. ”How many times did we do it that weekend? Five? Six? You weren't lying. You want me,” David hisses, doing a bad job in hiding the fact that he's started to cry, silent, breath-hitching sniffles.

”No,” Kaz tries. He doesn't move.

  
Not even when David stands, gets on his tip-toes and kisses him hard. Kaz resists, shifts, nudges David off him with his cane.

”Don't do this, David. You'll find someone better.”

”But I love you,” David says, flops back down on the bed. Kaz makes a choked noise and turns on his heel.

 

He escapes like a coward, horrified but secretly, slightly delighted. It takes him a moment to realize his name is being called as he limps through the corridor.

”I can't, I can't talk now, Céci,” he says.

”I'm not your friend,” answers Eli from behind him. Kaz stills, turns to stare at Eli. David and Eli are like night and day but now Eli's expression mirrors his brother.

”Were you eavesdropping?” Kaz's grip on his cane is tight. His knuckles are white. Eli shrugs, stuffsh is hands into his pockets.

”David is my brother. You're just a teacher,” he says. He digs out a cigarette pack from his pocket.

”I have nothing to say to you,” Kaz says and continues. Eli still follows.

”Go to the roof. I found a way,” he says and follows Kaz all the way to the elevator.

”Are people allowed to go to the roof?” Kaz has to ask. All it does is make Eli snicker.

”Like I give a fuck. Come on, geezer.”

”Brat,” Kaz murmurs. Another snicker from Eli. It's a hollow, empty sound.

 

”Yeah, I was listening. I'd like to say I'm glad you put David in his place but your face looks like you're about to hurl so I'm gonna be nice and let you bum a cig from me,” Eli says. Not for the first time Kaz wonders where Eli's accent comes from- neither John or Eva is British and David's accent is the usual American one but Eli speaks like he expects a red carpet to be rolled out in front of him everytime he enters a room.

”Why?” Why Kaz does follow Eli up to the roof, through creaky stairs into the windy, empty roof that's surrounded by a large fence, he doesn't quite know. The breath of fresh air does do him good.

”Maybe I just want my brother to be happy,” Eli says. He gives Kaz a cigarette, helps him light it. Kaz seats himself on one of the rooftop benches.

”He wouldn't.. he wouldn't be happy with me,” Kaz says and blows smoke towards the blue sky.

 

”Maybe let him make that decision,” Eli huffs from behind him. Kaz's skin has already risen to goosebumps from the wind but he doesn't care. The coldness whisks away his anxiety. Eli's leather jacket creaks. His phone buzzes but he merely glances at the screen and presses disconnect.

”He's just-”

”With all due respect, teach, but shut the fuck up.” Kaz blinks. Eli is staring at him, his lion's mane being whipped by the wind. In where David is peace, Eli is war. Kaz wonders where all that relentless, endless energy and anger come from.

”I don't have to like you. I don't have to be your friend. I'm only here for David, you got that? And I have never, ever seen him smile that way he does when he comes home from his gym classes. Or when he's at PE. He tries so hard for you.”

 

”You don't understand,” Kaz says and takes a drag of his cigarette. It feels so good.

”Like hell I don't,” Eli snaps.

”His heart will get broken either way,” Kaz says and watches smoke slither towards the sky. ”I'll die decades earlier than him. Is he going to look after me when I'm too old to move? Is he going to suffer through my PTSD-episodes? I'm not going to put a fucking nineteen-year-old through that.”

”He's in love with you, you know,” Eli says, the words said through gritted teeth. He's obviously in discomfort, swaying and shifting and pacing. Kaz doesn't look at him.

”He'll find someone else. Thanks for the cigarette, kiddo.” He tosses it to the ground and watches it shizzle into ash.

”Oh, come the fuck on, geezer,” Eli starts but Kaz shuts his ears from it. He doesn't need to listen to this.

”Coward,” Eli snarls after him.

”I know,” Kaz murmurs to the empty air around him as he makes his way back downstairs. Back to his own room.

 

Not even closing his eyes helps. The truth is, he doesn't want to go home to an empty bed. He wants to fuck David again, get fucked by him, no, make love like it should be. Praise him, call him all the pet names in the book and watch his adorable blush come again. He wants to wake up David with a blowjob or a kiss on his neck. He wants nothing more than make the kid happy and he's never hated himself more than he does now.

 

He refuses to accept visitors for the remaining day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did this turn from a porn fic into something with Emotions? i don't know either. i have a feeling this won't end happily.


	34. and that was it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David pines and does something about it. Kaz stops pining.

”David, you can't just walk in there! You need to rest, you shitty piece of-”

”Let me go, Eli, I need to see him-” The twins are at it again, squaffling like they always do but David is losing fast. His hand is on his ribcage, his face twisted into a grimace. Eli is pushing and poking and forcing him to lay back down. Never has David seen such a fierce frown on his brother's face.

”You don't understand.” David is shivering, Eli is reaching for the button to call the nurse, grabbing his brother around his shoulders with the other hand.

”Maybe, but I'd rather you didn't turn that sprain into a broken bone. And Miller can wait.”

”You don't... un-”

”If you say I don't get it one more time, I'm going to kill you. And then punch Miller in the face.” Grudgingly David settles down but he's still shivering, agitated. Eli pushes the IV back to its place.

”I had a chat with your geezer boyfriend,” Eli says after silence has fallen. ”You two are losers.”

 

David pulls on his sheet.

”Fuck off.”

”I've never seen you like this,” Eli continues. David knows he's staring. Doesn't want to see disappointment in his twin's face. Not Eli too. Not his fiercest protector.

”Well, I guess-”

”In love, I mean” Eli says and David's mouth snaps shut. He swallows.

”Much good it does me. He doesn't want me.” Eli lets out a hiss. David steals a glance, knows that the sneer of disgust is more for the fact that to Eli loves has always seemed like a burden. It still stings.

”Jesus Christ, you're like a kicked puppy. Get over it.”

”You've never been in love, Eli. What the hell would you know.” There's a lump in David's throat and it refuses to go away. How embarrassing. At least he had managed to not look like a crying toddler when Eli had barged into his room, just in time to prevent him from standing up.

 

”If it makes me look like a loser, I don't wanna be,” Eli huffs. He's silent for a moment. His stupid leather jacket creaks as he shifts. David doesn't want to look at him.

”He's been nothing but good to me,” David murmurs. Miller's cabin had been so warm. His huskies had loved David. Miller had loved David. He may not have said it but David just knows. He hopes.

Eli sighs.

”Jesus fucking Christ,” he says. It's like letting out all these swear words are somehow easing up a tension in him after mom has left them alone for a while, chatting with who knows who god knows where.

 

”You know, I'm not gonna give you the same speech mom did-”

”Good, I wouldn't listen.” Eli scoffs.

”-but you do you. And I've never seen you as happy as you are when we have PE. It's gross.”

”Fuck off,” David says again. He stiffens when Eli shifts closer, but it's only to grab David's neck and give him a dry kiss on his forehead.

”Hate you too,” Eli says and leaves.

 

David flops back down and takes a deep breath, just in time for nurse Theo to step into the room.

”It's nothing, my brother's just a fucking ass. Uh, sorry.” The nurse-smile stays on Theo's face.

”You don't need to mind your language around me, David. Oh, dear.” His hand is cool on David's forehead. ”It seems your body temperature has risen quite a bit. Let's give it a check, shall we?” Obediently David stays still as Theo works, but his mind is elsewhere. Theo hums under his breath and doesn't speak until he's stepped back again.

”Ah, indeed. You have quite the fever, young man. Stay in bed. Also, I have some news for you that your doctor has kindly told me to tell you.” David glances at his direction. He thinks of nothing but Miller. I love you, he had finally said. But Miller had turned his back.

”The driver of the car who was in the other car is taking full responsibility for the accident and is prepared to pay whatever costs this has given you and mister Miller.” David blinks, turns his head.

”Really?” Theo nods.

”Your sick insurance obviously is going to pay for most of it but mister, ah, mister Jonesy is expected to pay costs for both of you. He admits he was drunk and accidentally swerved into your lane, pushing your car out of the road.” David watches him wordlessly for a moment. Then nods.

”What happened to him? Is he okay?” Miller had been using his cane. His face had been so haggard.

 

Shit, shit, fucking shit but. But. David wants to kiss him. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what their positions at their school are. It doesn't matter that Miller is so much older. David just knows he wants- he wants everything Miller has to give and wants to give back the same things.

”David?” David flinches.

”Sorry?” Theo frowns.

”I said mister Jonesy is currently confined to a wheelchair. I should leave you to rest, you're looking paler by the second. Do call us if you need anything, David.” The frown vanishes. The smile returns. David can't mimic the expression, not now. He knows if Miller let him, David would kiss each one of his scars and love them all. Even if and when Miller goes blind. Even if Miller grows older faster than him. Even if.. Miller dies years and years earlier than him. David barely notices Theo leaving the room.

 

He doesn't get much sleep for the remaining day, tossing and turning and only waking up when his bandages are changed. His ankle is healing quickly, his arm is in talks for a surgery. David doesn't participate in conversations, keeps his words inside. I want to see Miller. I want to see Kaz. He needs to tell me he wants me. The words keep repeating in his head, over and over, a mantra he murmurs under his breath to his empty room. Thank God there's no other occupants, David couldn't take it.

 

Especially when he flinches awake to a soundless, moonlit room, heart thumping and sweat gathering on his skin from the dream. It vanishes the instant he blinks, leaving nothing but the faint memory of a nightmare. For a moment David just breathes, rubbing his eyes. His left hand twitches uselessly.

”Fuck this,” he says. Swearing had always been a little needlessly vulgar for him, always Eli's thing but now he thinks he needs Eli's ways. Cigarettes and curse words. David drags the IV closer to him and gets up. The floor under his bare feet is cold as he makes his way to the door. He has no idea what time is it, so he pushes the door open and takes a peek to the corridor. The lights are dimmer but still on. Somewhere David hears chatter. But otherwise the corridor is empty.

 

He shifts his slightly, irritatingly creaking IV with him there and starts making his way towards the sign pointing at an elevator. He had been told that Miller is on the floor below so he's going. Even if the man is asleep, at least David wants to see his face. He'd rather chew off his own arm than face the day when school continues for him and Miller acts like nothing ever happened between them.

 

It's probably not the smartest thing to go about on an ankle that barely works but David manages, his limping stern but slow. He's out of breath by the time he reaches the elevator and presses the down button, waiting. Thanking his lucky stars that the elevator is empty, he steps inside.

 

His heart thumps. Would Miller be awake? Would he want to see David? The lump in David's throat refuses to budge. The frustrating moisture in his eyes refuses to fall. He rubs his eyes again, sways as his balance wavers.

”Fuck him,” he says. Elevator pings, lets him out.

”I-”

”Young man, where are you going?” It's not Theo, but some other young nurse with a coffee mug in hand. David stills, clutching at his IV.

”I- uh- I just want to see room 204. My.. my friend was in a car accident with me and he was badly hurt. Please.” The nametag says Johnny. Johnny hesitates, looks behind him at the bright spot at the end of the corridor where a couple of whiteclad, tired doctors can be seen talking.

”Make it quick then, kiddo.” _Kiddo._ David bites back a whine and nods. He rejects Johnny's offer for help but grudgingly accepts the man following him to Miller's room. He wouldn't have found it without Johnny's instructions.

”Thanks. I mean it,” David says and steps inside. Miller's only companion in the room is a teenage girl, currently behind her curtains in the corner. David's grip on the IV is whiteknuckled, hard. He says nothing as he pushes the door closed behind him, makes sure the blinds are closed.

 

Miller sleeps. His glasses are on the table, his leg prosthetic, his cane against the tiny, simple nighttable. Miller's IV drips. Drip, drip, drip. Who cares if he's old, because he's beautiful. David wonders what Miller was like at his age. With more difficulty than necessary, David drags himself and a chair closer to the bedside and sits down with a sigh. Miller stirs, doesn't wake up. He's laying on his back, long hair in a messy curtain under his head. David swallows and reaches carefully, fingertips brushing a few strands. Touching had been so easy during their week, now he fears Miller would slip away if he pressed too hard.

 

”Kaz,” David says, carefully puts his own palm on top of Miller's. Miller's hand is rougher, more worn. It's seen its fair share of gunfights, fistfights, ocean air and beaches. His knuckles are rough, fingertips calloused. David marvels at it, does his best at being gentle. He whispers Miller's name again. Folds himself so he's resting on Miller's bed, the top of his head brushing Miller's unmoving hand.

”I need you,” David whispers. His grip is lax, loose but it's there. He knows how warm his skin can get. ”You can't push me away now. Not when I've never... I've never been in love, did you know that?” David's throat is dry. His body aches, not from just his injuries but from this silent rejection.

”You could have been cruel to me. You could have been the Hellmaster and I wouldn't have thought twice. But you looked at me and saw- whatever you saw that made you accept my advances. I don't even care anymore. I don't care that you're older than me. I don't care that you're an alcoholic or smoke weed or cigarettes or do live in the middle of fucking nowhere. I love you.” It comes out in almost one breath, whispered against the sheets, going unheard. David murmurs the three words again. Love becomes need. Need becomes want. Want becomes love. Again and again.

 

That's how he falls asleep eventually, head against Miller's thigh, their hands intertwined. That's how Miller finds him when he wakes up at six am, raising to his elbows and just staring, breathless, hopelessly smitten. It's Miller's turn to whisper words for David, his turn to lean forward and nuzzle that dark mess of hair.

”My boy, my David,” Miller says. It feels more right than anything he's said previously.

”I'll take you as you are,” David murmurs, half-asleep and teary and tired. He hasn't let go of Miller's hand. ”Scars and all. Isn't that the point of living?” Miller kisses him in the forehead, brushes his lips against David's closed eyelids, against the tip of his nose. Finds his mouth.

 

”You are a foolish boy,” Miller says. ”I tell you to stay away and instead you come, limping and desperate to me.” He's a lost case, a loser in a game he didn't mean to start. David sniffles.

”Kaz,” he says. ”I'll take you as you are.” It's good to repeat, perhaps to bring a sweet sort of hesitance to Miller's face. To bring softness to the next shared kiss.

”My boy, my David,” Miller says and that was it. Not quite a promise, a ring, a shared tomorrow. But it was something.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe this monster grew so huge. 
> 
> a hundred million thanks for everyone who commented and left kudos ♥♥♥♥ be certain i read every single one of your comments and loved them all. You make this writer very happy.


	35. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The losers get hitched. Everything is sappy as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi David is around 26 and Kaz is around 55

”Are you-”

”If you ask me if I'm sure one more time, I'm going to punch you. It will hurt.” It's not the most serious of threats, especially when combined with a lingering smile. David had been on top of his game since graduating, had gone to college in the US after high school and had then returned. It had been a long three years but it had been worth it.

”Now, don't make that face, mister Miller,” David says, tugs Kaz's tie again.

”I'm not making a face,” Kaz huffs but does push back his glasses. Contrary to what his diagnosis had been years and years earlier, his eyesight had remained. Bad, but still there. Allowing him to see at least something. Allowing him to see David's face, even if feeling it had become a way for them to connect more in the recent years.

 

Still. It was good to see what a man David had grown up to be; a splitting image of his father but different in all the ways that matter. John is a distant figure of Kaz's past by now, his life shared by his young protegé.

 

”If I may continue.” A throat is cleared. David nods, murmurs an apology. Kaz draws breath slowly, finds himself standing taller even if his back had begun to fail him lately. His fingers, the calloused, scarred, rough ones are interwined with David's.

 

”Apologicies,” Kaz murmurs and more feels than sees David's smile. A faint aura of amusement and peace surrounds them, their respective relatives and friends all quiet and expectant. It had taken some of them years to accept their relationship; Eva had only couple of years ago called Kaz and apologized for her words and her hypocrisy and told him to keep David safe and happy. Eli had been the first one to give them his blessing; even if Eli's blessing came in the form of a string of exclamation marks and the very real threat of Kaz being stabbed if he ever broke David's heart.

 

It hadn't been easy. But what in life is?

 

David had learned it quickly. He had ran away. He had argued. He had gotten wasted and hiked all the way to Kaz's door and gone out like a light at Kaz's feet.

Kaz had gotten a new therapist. Had taught his dogs new tricks. He had argued. He hadn't given a shit what others think about him but it had hurt him to know what David's college-friends had whispered about them. Kaz had tried to use his arguments against David again, to push the kid away to know better, but David, that stubborn, goddamned fool had put his foot down and stayed.

 

He had stayed.

 

”I'll take you as you are, Kazuhira Miller,” David says now, like he had said years ago in the hospital. He hadn't regained much mobility in his left hand, but it didn't matter when he was looking at Kaz like that. How am I this lucky? How? Doubt remains in Kaz's mind as it had remained ever since their car crash but it's slowly being pushed to the side. Kaz clutches David's hand, kisses it. The ring on it glimmers.

”My David,” Kaz whispers. It comes out gruff, a little shivery. Someone sniffles and Kaz will deny to his grave that it's him.

”I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss,” the priest says, his words soft and quiet yet echoing around the church. He may just as well be air. David cups Kaz's face and tilts his head, smiling into a warm, slow kiss that ends way too soon.

 

Later on, Eli comes to them to congratulate and tell them it's the most cheesiest wedding he had ever been to.

”You have only been in one wedding, you moron,” David says. Eli shrugs.

”I've seen plenty in TV. Moron.” But he hugs David, squeezes him tight and to Kaz and David's surprise, hugs Kaz too.

”I've gotten the if you hurt him, I'll kill you-speech,” Kaz says and pats Eli awkwardly on the back. Eli sneers.

”Never hurts to repeat to a geezer like you,” he says but it lacks the edge it used to have when Eli was younger and thought the world was against him.

”Get off my lawn, brat,” Kaz says calmly and waves his cane meaningfully. Eli snickers and drifts away. His on-off girlfriend and his on-off-boyfriend- David had never been sure which- both have made an appearance, both calmly pulling another glass of champagne away from Eli.

 

”You two are adorable,” David murmurs and nudges Kaz's ribs.

”Silence,” Kaz says and pushes a glass of champagne in front of David who grins. If young, nineteen-year-old David had been charming, this twenty-six-year-old is a dazzling sight. Kaz can count himself lucky to be able to keep him. Perhaps even further down the road.

”But you're the most adorable,” David whispers into Kaz's ear, gives it a little bite. Kaz nearly chokes on his own drink. David laughs, slips his hand into Kaz's more neat, short hair. During their years together David had grown bolder, more mature. He had begun to take the initiative more, knew what buttons to push to make Kaz do whatever he wanted. Kaz liked to think he was the dominant one of the relationship and David let him think so.

 

It made it all the more sweeter to remind his now-husband just how strong David had gotten in his budding career as a martial atist.

 

”I've been thinking of Alaska,” Kaz murmurs and watches their guests drink and eat and chatter, few of them glancing in the couple's direction.

”Again?” David skewers another piece of cake and chews, grinning at his mother who's in a wild conversation with someone David doesn't recognize. Who wears such oddly fancy gloves in the summer?

”Yes. I mean, if you'd like. We could. Finally live under the same roof. At least during winters. It's a lovely place during winter,” Kaz says, glancing at his glass full of water. His drinking had lessened. It hadn't gone away but the need had become less intrusive, less dominating.

 

”I.. I- I wanted us to move together when I graduated from college but I thought you wanted your space. And I mean, I'm over at your house daily anyway,” David continues speaking, waves at one of his relatives. To think he even had that many. He finally faces Kaz, hopeful, bright.

 

”You've shown me that you truly mean what you said,” Kaz says and takes David's hand in his own. ”Even my bad days. I want to share them with you.” It's the same words he said during the wedding itself, aloud in front of the priest and the crowd but they feel more intimate now, whispered between them.

”I always mean what I say,” David says but he can't prevent a grin from breaking out, his whole face lighting up. Kaz's chest hurts. It's hard to breathe.

”It won't be-”

”Easy, I know. I didn't marry you for your skills in bed-” Kaz splutters. David snickers, then makes eyecontact again. ”-I married you because I love you as you are. You are not broken, you are not faulty. You're perfectly fine the way you are. That's what it means. I'll take you as you are. Don't change yourself for me. Give me your nightmares, give me your bad days. I'll shoulder them with you.”

”Who's the more experienced one here,” Kaz murmurs, half-heartedly frustrated but when he can't find anything else to say, he leans to kiss David, to press their foreheads together for a moment.

”I don't know what I did to deserve you but I am glad. I'm glad.” It's the closest Kaz ever comes to saying that he's happy. But it's enough for David who looks drunk with happiness.

 

Perhaps Kaz isn't a good man but perhaps he doesn't need to be. Perhaps David is a good man but perhaps he's learning to be a little more selfish, a little less naive. He didn't become military like his father. He didn't marry a nice girl like his mother hoped. He did what he wanted to do and loved someone who he shouldn't have loved but in the end, it was worth it. It _is_ worth it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you knew i couldn't just leave it at that  
> so here's your goddamn epilogue


End file.
